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AIBU?

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Original poster

DD13 accused of sending nudes wwyd

108 replies

Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 07:04

I’m totally heartbroken
another boy has accused my dd of sending nudes
she didn’t tell me she waited until I checked her phone
she denies this and said the only picture she sent she was in Shorts and jumper and was with a friend
I then read a message to ba friend she said that she wanted to die and a friend had sent it to him - I spoke to her again and she said that she didn’t want to get friend in trouble but she sent the picture - I asked if it was a more revealing picture - dd is adamant that there is no picture other than her in shirts and jumper with her friend. She sas this picture and incident was taken in December

this friend had form for sending private photos of dd (and other girls) to boys I also had the messages at the time and I that this particular group chat was sexual and I had removed dd from this and blocked the 2 boys

this girl is not a friend and iv been telling my dd that now iv told
her she will not allowed here or her to go there!

but how do I handle it this time as dd is denying anything else (iv explained I need her to tell so I can protect her and wouldn’t be angry) but I’m not sure she’s being honest now.
iv said she is only allowed to send or post pics of her face.
she said she can message the boy to ask him to send the pic that was sent as proof, but I’m not sure whether to make it bigger or not

to also complicate matters she said her friend sent from her account - so I’m questioning is she saying it’s this friend (who I know is completely untrustworthy)

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 07:55

Summerslimtime · 23/04/2023 07:52

Just be aware that if the photo came from her account and it is a nude, then she is guilty of sending child porn. They should have been taught this at school.

She 💯 knows this too which is why I struggle to believe she would send a nude
she isn’t even that body confident abs is quite shy!
her friend has corn for sending pics of her she doesn’t want like she was doing a silly dance her friend filmed and sent it
I’m starting to think that perhaps she was clothed but perhaps posing suggestively ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 07:56

TomeTome · 23/04/2023 07:52

I thought you said the photo was sent from her account allegedly by her friend? Why can’t you see it then?

I had seen it on Snapchat at the time but Snapchat can delete posts and so can they do although I saw it I only saw what wasn’t deleted

OP posts:
TomeTome · 23/04/2023 07:57

Just delete Snapchat and walk away.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:13

If I didn’t know that they end up just setting up private ones you can’t monitor elsewhere I would!

OP posts:
sleepyscientist · 23/04/2023 08:17

I would just leave it, if it hasn't surfaced now it's unlikely to. If it's a picture in shorts I'm going to guess it's in a sexualised pose and that why he's calling it a nude.

Talk to your daughter about the potential consequences/embarrassment if she did send it, the police are unlikely to be interested in her technically making consensual child porn of herself when both are minors.

We were teenagers when that video of Kim Kardashian leaked.....now adults some of the pictures and videos we made make me cringe, but it's never had any impact on any of us.

Tell her to let you know if any bullying starts over it and to own it to the boy "hey if a picture of me in shorts is that interesting to you, maybe you should hit the gym so you can get a look in" would have been my style of come back at that age.

Mustardandchickensandwiches · 23/04/2023 08:18

What kind of phone does she have?

If its android, it's real easy to lock it down via google family.

She is 13, she clearly has too much freedom on this phone!

HappinesDependsOnYou · 23/04/2023 08:27

Contact NSPCC for advice. Even asking the parents to look is problematic. If it is a nude it is child pornography they would be viewing. If he send it to her to prove he has it then it could be distribution of child pornography. This needs to be dealt with properly and by people who know the law and what can and cannot be done. Please do not rely on MN to advise you on this

Bk1000 · 23/04/2023 08:34

No helpful advice other than I was recently checking the parental controls on my dd iPhone through the family sharing settings and saw that there is a feature you can turn on that detects nude photos being sent and won’t allow it. So might be worth having a look at the parental controls on your dd phone.

Dontknowwheretostarthere · 23/04/2023 08:38

There was a group similar to the one you’re describing when my DS was at secondary school (he wasn’t in the group) a couple of girls were sending nudes to the boys, I’m not sure if they were completely nude or if nude meant they were in their underwear, it was reported by a parent and police eventually got involved, I’m not sure what the outcome was, we shortly after received an email from the school about sending and receiving inappropriate pictures and the risks and consequences involved. I was shocked by the amount of young girls on Instagram who were posting very sexualised pictures of themselves with very little clothing on Instagram, why do they do that, it’s definitely a conversation I will be having with my DD when she reaches secondary school age. Once a photo is sent, it’s out of your control what happens to it, I would also remove the app in which the photo was sent and she needs a new friend, unless she blamed her friend for sending the photo when it was actually her, herself.

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 08:42

It really isn't fair or right for this boy to be on the receiving end of unsolicited naked or suggestive pictures anymore than if he sent your 13 year old daughter dick pics. Hopefully he has told his parents and they are taking action. These posts basically saying this is just girls being girls and lets not make it a bigger issue than it is, the boy should just man up and deal with his discomfort....well....!

I would take her phone and put far stricter conditions on your hanging out with friends and phone use. It seems she is happy to blame and make this everyone else's issue while considering herself innocent and that is rarely the truth. I doubt her firend sent a suggestive or nude pick from your daughter's account without her knowledge.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/04/2023 08:46

Freefall212 · 23/04/2023 08:42

It really isn't fair or right for this boy to be on the receiving end of unsolicited naked or suggestive pictures anymore than if he sent your 13 year old daughter dick pics. Hopefully he has told his parents and they are taking action. These posts basically saying this is just girls being girls and lets not make it a bigger issue than it is, the boy should just man up and deal with his discomfort....well....!

I would take her phone and put far stricter conditions on your hanging out with friends and phone use. It seems she is happy to blame and make this everyone else's issue while considering herself innocent and that is rarely the truth. I doubt her firend sent a suggestive or nude pick from your daughter's account without her knowledge.

I agree. No child, male or female, should be receiving unwanted naked pictures. You said in the OP another boy has accused her, whose the first? If more than one boy has accused her, do you not think there could be some truth in it?

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:51

No one boy said it to her about another boy. The other boy has never made any reference to this (nor has anyone else) it is one boy saying it in response to her rejecting his advances (to provide context of the conversation)

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 23/04/2023 08:52

What an awful situ fir your DD. Please support her and stop questioning her. Tell her you believe her. She is in anguish.

If there is a picture, and yoyr DD is adamrnt she did not do a nude (she soubds adamant to me) it's more than likely photoshopped.

The distribution of child porn (as pics like this are classified) is illegal so you could report to the police, social services or the school as all have safeguarding responsibilities and can investigate.

Good luck and sending a big hug for your DD.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:54

And she has said the only picture it could be referring to is her and her friend in their training gear (shorts and t shirt) no other pics were sent. She said the girl sent it (she might be saying as she is worried or it could be true as I have seen myself the girl does do this)
dd is clear she has never sent a naked photo, I know you don’t know my dd but she is very shy and this would ot of character. As a side note a boy in her class asked her for a picture and she shut him down and told him she would tell - he apologised
so going from that to this is a big jump but I’m worried in case I miss something

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:55

Dibbydoos · 23/04/2023 08:52

What an awful situ fir your DD. Please support her and stop questioning her. Tell her you believe her. She is in anguish.

If there is a picture, and yoyr DD is adamrnt she did not do a nude (she soubds adamant to me) it's more than likely photoshopped.

The distribution of child porn (as pics like this are classified) is illegal so you could report to the police, social services or the school as all have safeguarding responsibilities and can investigate.

Good luck and sending a big hug for your DD.

Thanks
that’s the thing no pic has been shown or anything it is just one boy alleging this from 4 months ago no reference other than that. I check my dd’s phone a lot and have her log ins

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:58

Bk1000 · 23/04/2023 08:34

No helpful advice other than I was recently checking the parental controls on my dd iPhone through the family sharing settings and saw that there is a feature you can turn on that detects nude photos being sent and won’t allow it. So might be worth having a look at the parental controls on your dd phone.

Whats this called please?

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbes · 23/04/2023 08:59

I’d contact the police and the. Think long and hard about if she is old enough to have a phone.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/04/2023 09:00

Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 08:51

No one boy said it to her about another boy. The other boy has never made any reference to this (nor has anyone else) it is one boy saying it in response to her rejecting his advances (to provide context of the conversation)

Ahh that's different. I mean if the photo was sent on a platform like Snapchat or even Instagram, they can be set to disappear so there's no way to get the photo back to show you. I would just remove your daughter from the situation, maybe advise her to remove Snapchat whilst this is happening.

Northernparent68 · 23/04/2023 09:03

maddening · 23/04/2023 07:18

I would contact the boy and advise you will be going to the police about malicious communications and that any images of dd should be deleted and not sent out as to do so would constitute a criminal act and that you would appreciate it if he could ask his parents to contact you. Also state no further communication is to be sent to dd.as it will be considered harassment, all further contact should be via you.

If she sent a Nude photo she’s committed an offence.

Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 09:04

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 23/04/2023 09:00

Ahh that's different. I mean if the photo was sent on a platform like Snapchat or even Instagram, they can be set to disappear so there's no way to get the photo back to show you. I would just remove your daughter from the situation, maybe advise her to remove Snapchat whilst this is happening.

Show quote history

She is confident that no one would have a nude picture of her as she has never taken one.
iv told her I don’t want her talking to boys online as it just things like this that worry me.
there’s a function on Snapchat that stores Lll pictures sent and iv always checked that, anything slightly suggestive of revealing we have had chats about.
ste recently went to a hot tub party and wouldn’t allow pics of her in costume online so again it would be a big jump

OP posts:
Original poster
Bedhead22 · 23/04/2023 09:04

Northernparent68 · 23/04/2023 09:03

If she sent a Nude photo she’s committed an offence.

Show quote history

She knows this
and it wouldn’t prevent me from seeking support for her anyway! Main priority is her safety

OP posts:
GoodChat · 23/04/2023 09:06

If she sent a Nude photo she’s committed an offence.

They're not going to put her on the sex offenders register for sending a nude. If she has sent one, she needs support and guidance. Don't try and scare people into not seeking proper advice.

NowZeusHasLainWithLeda · 23/04/2023 09:08

Whilst agreeing it could be nothing, you need to tread very carefully. Some of the advice on this thread is batshit.

You certainly must not contact either the boy or his parents.

Sending photos of themselves naked (calling it nudes is already making it sound less serious - language matters) is distribution of illicit sexual images. Distribution of illicit images of a minor to a minor is child sex abuse not "child pornograhy" (whatever we think about pornography, adding the term "child" to it legitimises it. It's not pornography, it's abuse)

The distribution of these images in school age children is more common than you imagine. Both sexes do it. Often they do it as a "laugh".

You have no idea (none of us do) what our teens are capable of doing on SM and what they are capable of hiding from us.

The boy may be trying to frighten /coerce your daughter. He might be shocked that he's received photos of your daughter with no clothes on. You have no way of knowing who the victim here is.

I'd agree with pps that, 4 months on, it's odd for it to suddenly be being talked about.

If you want to talk to anybody, as pps have said, safeguarding team at school, (they will probably tell you to speak to the NSPCC as above- I'm DSL and an "unfounded" accusation of this kind mentioned to us would be noted and parents advised to contact NSPCC /the police for further input) If we had grounds for thinking these images existed, we'd do the same.

As a parent, I'd be sorting out SM accounts.

Dontknowwheretostarthere · 23/04/2023 09:10

then read a message to ba friend she said that she wanted to die and a friend had sent it to him - I spoke to her again and she said that she didn’t want to get friend in trouble but she sent the picture - I asked if it was a more revealing picture - dd is adamant that there is no picture other than her in shirts and jumper with her friend. She sas this picture and incident was taken in December.

Why did she say she wanted to die if the photo was a picture of her in a t shirt and shorts?
She has already lied by blaming her friend for the sending the photo and then admitting it was her, so this shows she capable of lying. Teenagers are more than capable of lying lying to avoid getting into trouble and it’s a bit naive to think they are not.

BeautifulWar · 23/04/2023 09:11

Isn't this why SM usually had an age limit of 16? These kids are all too immature to be trusted and there are potentially criminal repercussions.

A brick phone and no SM accounts is the only way the potential for this kind of bullshit can be removed.