Where would you like to have grown up, place A or place B? (House move related)

[Coffeeandbourbons]

2 kids, 3 and newborn. Looking to move and due to office locations we have 2 options.

Option 1 - large, exciting, vibrant city. I lived here for 10 years and adored it, I have a good social life there but the downside is it’s very expensive (so house would be smaller and a bit crapper), and it’s not overly ‘green’ - nor is the surrounding countryside particularly remarkable. Kids don’t have a particularly outdoorsy life, it’s more about indoor activities. Schools are hit and miss some are very run down.

Option 2 - much smaller, less exciting City. Still nice, but a little Brexit-land and monocultural. Cheaper so could afford a better house and some holidays, and is surrounded by beautiful countryside and close to amazing beaches. I don’t really have any friends there so would be starting again. Schools better.

YANBU - Option 1
YABU - Option 2

As you can tell I can’t make my mind up! Thanks all.

It’s really difficult without knowing which city you’re talking about but the other thing to bear in mind for option 1 is the pace of life/ pressures on everything when your kids get get older. Especially if you live in a child friendly area it takes a monumental level of tenacity and organisation to organise anything. Think year long waiting lists for swimming lessons, needing to log on at 4AM to book places at a local playgroup, waiting lists for brownies and scouts closed etc. If your child suddenly decided they liked hockey they’d have to wait years to join a club, by which time they’d have gone off it. It was a constant stress and really wore me down. Whereas in a small town we got into everything we wanted immediately, can drive and park there no problem and kids can change activities easily. I’ve also found that groups tend to be better as the leaders have been there longer and there’s not such a turnover of teachers etc.

2! good schools are so important as is outside space

you will make friends through school

Option 2 (not everyone who lives in a small town is small minded, pro Brexit, uncultured etc). However given that you haven’t provided specific locations it is hard to advise. It’s a completely personal decision however so maybe draw up a list of pros and cons (smaller mortgage, better schools, place you love, lifestyle you want etc etc)

Flying a Union Jack or flag of St George doesn't mean they are members of the BNP, have you missed that it's the Coronation in a couple of weeks? Even multicultural, multifaith London is bedecked with flags right now.
I'd choose option 2 because as a family we like the countryside and love beaches.

I wish my parents had stayed in London and not went back home. My life is nice where we are however there's a tiny bit of resentment

I grew up in 1ish (central London)
My DC are growing up in 2ish (a bit more rural than you describe).

I am not, and never will be, a big city girl.but growing up in a big city gave me a very cosmopolitan outlook on life, high tolerance/understanding and acceptance of a wide cross section of society and independence , buzzing around on tubes and buses by myself quite happily from 11 or do. School was brilliant, but it was good enough. We really made the most of the cultural opportunities on our doorstep, and escaped to family on the South Downs, and holidays in Scotland and the Lake Disctrict as much as possible. Having said all that, I left when I was 19, and all I miss is the almost 24/7 public transport. My parents didn't have to take me anywhere once I got to secondary school age, even when I was swim training at 6 am.

I now live in a big village, central to several large towns, and a bit further (commuting) to several large cities. The dc need driving everywhere, although ds(14) gets the bus to school by himself most days (if it runs!). Exposing the dc to other parts of society is challenging, and we make an effort to go on city breaks. With online shipping, there is rarely a need to go into Leeds/Manchester/Sheffield but my dc are such country mice when we do go! Excellent school though, many oppurtunityes to get outside, but the pull of the console is strong, and a lot of all the lovely countryside we see is private farmland.

Although I couldn't wait to leave London, I'd actually probably go for 1, for development opportunities for dc.

2 in primary school

1 in secondary school.

I grew up in a 1 and it was such a bland town, so boring as a teen and lacking likeminded people. Dh was the same, didn’t fit in and had to get away as soon as he could. Stifling and dull though objectively very pleasant, next to countryside and good schools. As an individual I’m happiest in a city which is more diverse and where I find it easier to find my community. I moved around to a lot of cities in my twenties and am now settled in a city in my forties.

i know many school friends who stayed nearby and live in similar towns so it is down to personality I think. You can’t know how your dc will be but what would make you happy?

2

Option 2. I would have considered option 1 hell when I was growing up.

Option 2. I wouldn't be keen on a big mixed city coming from a small town.

2 sounds more child and family friendly.

Damn I voted the wrong way round! This is why I don't normally vote. I'd go for option 2 given the schools but honest truth I think both sound pretty good and you won't regret either path.

2

Mixed?

How much worse could the schools objectively be in the big city?
I'd go for option 1 every time, tbh.

Option 1, a million percent. I'm surprised there are so many votes for 2.

You want to go to 1. It's so clear from everything you write. If you're happier, your kids'll be happier. Plus you have connections there already (friends, family maybe). So much less stressful than starting afresh.

No that’s what I mean - I wish my parents had stayed in London and raised me there instead of parochial toryville in the midlands

What are transport options like for city 2? I grew up in what sounds similar to city 2 however quite easy travel distance to several cities like city 1. Eg train every 15 minutes that gets you to the one of the larger cities in less than an hour. If there are plenty of options for dc traveling round independently when they are a bit older I'd got for city 2.

Option 2 for sure.

Your social life likely won't be great for the foreseeable anyway with two children.

Schools are a major deciding factor too.

British weather is a bit shit and is likely to be even when you have outdoors access so I guess that wouldn't be a make or break for me if you really wanted option 1.

But for me, it'd definitely be 2.

1 all the way!

How often is the weather in the UK genuinely nice enough for the beach?

As a child, I loved all things city - activities, museums etc. I didn't want to be in the countryside.

Living in a city is much better for childcare options too

1. You sound like you would be happier

Option 2 sounds like Norwich!

Presumably there’s a reason why these are the only options you are considering, and it will depend what that reason is (eg job, family ties etc)

Otherwise I would looking for option 3 - a more vibrant city with good schools and easy access to the countryside. That’s far from impossible to find.

We were option 1 happily for years but then moved for secondary school.