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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you invite your parents to family holiday?

58 replies

GingerLemonSoda · 21/04/2023 20:50

For context we are a family of 4 and DM lives on her own.

We've invited DM to our holiday once a few years ago, but prefer to do our own thing so tend to just go on holiday by ourselves.

DM goes in a huff whenever I tell her we've booked a holiday without inviting her. The cost would usually go up quite a lot as she's a 5th person and we normally have to either book a separate room or pay premium for booking a suite room to fit 5 in.

Aibu to not invite her to our holidays? We do spend some weekends and holidays and Christmas at either hers or she stays over at ours.

OP posts:
Tiamaria86 · 21/04/2023 20:54

We do because Dad died 2 years ago and she doesn't have anybody else to go on holiday with. To be fair though she pays her own way and babysits so we can have alone time while we're away. She is also great company so it's win win.

That being said I don't think she expects it and I can't see her getting in a huff if we said we were going just us

Curiosity101 · 21/04/2023 21:00

We have occasionally but definitely wouldn't if they were the type of person that gets huffy when they aren't invited.

She's getting huffy about a holiday she's not even expecting to pay for..?

Whatifitallgoesright · 21/04/2023 21:01

Tell her you're going proper wild camping - no toilets, she'll have to take a spade into the woods for a poo, no electric for miles, you have to carry all your stuff 40min walk from car....

TeamLoganHuntzberger · 21/04/2023 21:03

We always invite our parents. MIL has been a widow since DH was a baby and nearly always comes and is very welcome.
My parents have never come, as holidaying is the UK is far beneath them and would never lower themselves to it 🤣

FourEyesGood · 21/04/2023 21:04

Nope!

RosesofAmsterdam · 21/04/2023 21:05

My own parent, literally never. MIL, once.

Original poster
GingerLemonSoda · 21/04/2023 21:07

We're going on an activity all inclusive holiday and I know for sure she won't be doing most of those things so a total waste of money and she knows this. She's divorced and occasionally go away on trips with her own friends.

She tells me so and so's daughter did this for them and so and so's son in law paid for that. It's as if we don't do anything for her but we absolutely do!

I'm starting to wonder if she's trying to find something to boast to her friends about.. I'm sick of hearing her reactions. Why can't she just blxxdy say "oh that's lovely you've got something to look forward to!" or something along those lines.

OP posts:
curious79 · 21/04/2023 21:08

My Dad comes with us. He’s easygoing. We enjoy his company. DH’s parents never - they don’t go on holiday and if they did we wouldn’t have them (bad company!)

Wenfy · 21/04/2023 21:08

Always. My parents and mil are all unwell and can’t safely go away by themselves. So we usually invite them. Mil is unable to take any other holidays but my DP usually go once or twice a year with their friends too.

DelurkingAJ · 21/04/2023 21:10

Yes. Both sides. Nobody ever expects us to though! DM usually comes and is worth her weight in gold. DPIL never come unless in the UK and they can bring their dog.

VivaVivaa · 21/04/2023 21:12

We’ve taken DM a few times as she’s on her own. It can be quite stressful to be honest. She’s not always the easiest person. But, give her her due, she will always pay her own way and pay for any additional costs a third adult brings. She will offer to babysit as well and is good with DS. I feel a sense of duty towards her and I am glad holidays with DGC make her happy. If it makes your holiday really difficult and shes off with you if it’s not every time, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not invite her, no.

Original poster
GingerLemonSoda · 21/04/2023 21:12

I'll be honest here. I love her but sometimes can't stand her. She gets jittery if dinner isn't served by a certain time so that makes me nervous. She's got hip problems so she can't walk very far. She's very particular about what she eats and makes comments whenever we go out for meals. I can put up with it when I'm at home or at hers but would I want to put up with it on holiday? No.

OP posts:
MeinKraft · 21/04/2023 21:14

Yeah. On tap babysitting!

MeinKraft · 21/04/2023 21:14

Also we like their company

SeasonFinale · 21/04/2023 21:17

no

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 21/04/2023 21:19

Hell to the NO . absolutely not.

AngelicInnocent · 21/04/2023 21:24

Never have, never will. In fact, hell would freeze over before I even thought about it and it would still be a no.

Davestwattymissus · 21/04/2023 21:36

Nope. I think it might be different if we had DCs but as it is it would just be me, DH and DM. Which would be a bit awkward, and stressful (for me, her and DH get on well) as we are not close and always run out of things to talk about when she visits, a whole week would drive me insane!

Plus she lives 5 hours away and would want picking up and dropping back, and we usually holiday in the opposite direction (mainly UK holidays). Tbf she would pay her way and do her best to be good company but I've not been on holiday with her since I was about 12 and I'm 50 now! Every time we book anything she sighs theatrically and says 'oh I wish I was going on a holiday, you're so lucky, it would be so nice if someone would take me, I'd love to go to X....' Forgetting all the years of lovely holidays she used to habe with her DH where single me was definitely not welcome.

ohfook · 21/04/2023 21:36

I sort of invite mine on the proviso that they say no. It's a system that works well for us.

Pugdogmom · 21/04/2023 21:40

I wouldn't want to go on a family holiday with my daughters. I think that's their time to be spent as a family. I wouldn't want to impose on them, and neither would their Dad.
I do go away with my youngest daughter ( single) but for weekends mainly. Although we are planning a trip to Ireland for a few days, but just us.

Original poster
GingerLemonSoda · 21/04/2023 21:41

Davestwattymissus · 21/04/2023 21:36

Nope. I think it might be different if we had DCs but as it is it would just be me, DH and DM. Which would be a bit awkward, and stressful (for me, her and DH get on well) as we are not close and always run out of things to talk about when she visits, a whole week would drive me insane!

Plus she lives 5 hours away and would want picking up and dropping back, and we usually holiday in the opposite direction (mainly UK holidays). Tbf she would pay her way and do her best to be good company but I've not been on holiday with her since I was about 12 and I'm 50 now! Every time we book anything she sighs theatrically and says 'oh I wish I was going on a holiday, you're so lucky, it would be so nice if someone would take me, I'd love to go to X....' Forgetting all the years of lovely holidays she used to habe with her DH where single me was definitely not welcome.

Your DM sounds like mine. I'm glad I'm not alone...

OP posts:
Original poster
GingerLemonSoda · 21/04/2023 21:41

Pugdogmom · 21/04/2023 21:40

I wouldn't want to go on a family holiday with my daughters. I think that's their time to be spent as a family. I wouldn't want to impose on them, and neither would their Dad.
I do go away with my youngest daughter ( single) but for weekends mainly. Although we are planning a trip to Ireland for a few days, but just us.

Thank you! I would have loved to have a mum like you.

OP posts:
lunaloveroo · 21/04/2023 21:46

If we only had one holiday a year then no I wouldn't invite my parents or my MIL.

We are very lucky that we can afford several holidays a year. We just had an abroad holiday with my parents and are going on holiday with them again in the summer (staycation). We had a holiday just the 4 of us in feb and another planned in the summer.

I would expect my parents to pay for themselves though (which they do). There are some holidays (skiing) and all inclusive resorts that I know my parents don't like so that makes it easier! I'm one of 4 dc but I always feel guilty not inviting them for some reason.. I know they love coming with us.

testtrout · 21/04/2023 21:47

this makes me feel sooo guilty. but no.
I have a widowed DM and I don't invite her.
We have been on a couple of holidays with her as she paid but I don't invite her.
Reasons are, our holidays are valuable and quite rare. We don't always manage one at all. We both work full time and have very full on lives with the children having packed schedules. If we manage a holiday we need that time as a family unit. It makes a massive difference to us, our relationship improves, children relax etc.
My DM is lovely but also a little overpowering at times plus she couldn't really manage some of the more active parts of our holidays. We are a self catering active type of family we top up children's education via holidays Ie Roman ruins ect Also she never took her mother or MIL and was always rather vocal about why and importance of family time. So she can hardly expect us to?
Also she would moan like hell about walking up a volcano.
We don't take divorced MIL because she is an absolute nightmare!

familyissues12345 · 21/04/2023 21:47

No we don't invite them, but they are still pretty young and travel more than we do so doesn't feel like they are missing out on a holiday if that makes sense.

We wouldn't mind inviting them, we get along pretty well, but they'd insist on going somewhere for a longer period than we would want, to somewhere more expensive than we'd want to pay. They'd then always want to take first dibs of the accommodation, which usually meant they'd be there in the fancy master bedroom with DH and I in a pokey twin room. Their feeling was they didn't want a room near the children and generally the layout meant smaller rooms were together so they'd get the big one.
Shouldn't be an issue, but some years it was our only holiday due to cost/length of AL needed, and it felt a bit annoying that we weren't getting much of a "treat"

So we stopped allowing it to be a yearly thing, and now only go away for special birthdays