AIBU to get annoyed when medical professionals ask (with that patronising look) is this your first baby

[lardylumps]

Wtf, do they really think that I would worry less if it was my second. Sometimes I want to say "no, actually she is my fourth" just to see the smirk fall from their faces. Yes I now know more about babies but for gods sake if a baby is ill then it is ill.

Other mums do it too and it pisses me off, my sisters comments about my dd diet ?well she is your first, wait until your on your third then you will feel different?. No I wont, I still wont be feeding them crap.

They forget to allow for the fact that the new mum of a firstborn may actually have a lot of experience garnered from elsewhere- large extended family, work experience etc. It's a bit of a modern myth that the extended family no longer exists and that nobody learns anything from older relatives.

true, cory, that's the second post of yours today that i've heartily agreed with. i'm the eldest of four and a former nanny, i've done my share of childcare...

Lol - when I had my fourth (now nearly 4 months), I wish they had treated me like a first time mum! They came to the ward the morning after I'd had him and told me I would be going home in a couple of hours. They asked why my face fell and I said 'Can I not stay another night? I have three children at home and I'd like a rest!' But because they had a lot of first time mums and cesareans (sp?) I had to go home - I was too normal!

Also, everyone kept assuming that I would remember all the official bits I was supposed to do like the forms for registering him and everything, and booking him for all his jabs. As a first time mum, you get guided through all this stuff so you don't forget, but I hadn't done it for four years (and last time it was twins so everything is a bit of a blur from then...).

First time mums seem to get loads of help but I get dirty looks when I turn up for baby's appointments with four year old twins in tow!

I think sometimes no matter how much experience you have with other peopels children you react differently with your own, but tbh, I'm more laid back with my own. If I was looking after someone elses child and theywere poorly I'd be petrified of missing something iyswim.

Also the one person with my first two that you'd think would've taken them to GP's etc only when needed (XP's mum, four grown up children of her own and her second and fourth grandchildren) was the one person that expected me to dash to the docs at the first sign of a sniffle.

I have never been asked this by anybody. My doctor told me that the most important thing he has to go on when seeing a small child is a mother's sense of whether things are 'right'.

While it is definitely true that having more children can put all sorts of things into perspective, small children can become dangerously ill very quickly and any heath professional I have come across has always encouraged me to err on the side of being neurotic rather than 'wait and see'.

have only read the op but,yes,YABU.they have to ask,they always ask IME.and when i reply 'no,my 5th' i get the 'oh,no wonder she's had so many colds/chest/ear infections'.you cant win either way

and with all due respect,you really dont know what it will be like with your 2nd or 3rd or whatever untill you have them.

I think it depends on the woman more than anything. I know women on their third child who dose their children with antibiotics at every sniffle, and then other women who are very laid back about their PFB. I think for some women it can take 3 kids to reach the level of laid-backness that comes to other women have naturally with their first child.

i think i worry just as much with my second as i did my first- although i no longer live with my mother in law telling me to calm down when things go wrong- could be something to do with it, i'm here panicking all by myself lol
the hv/ midwifes that visited me after i had my second said oh well you know what your doing so we wont need to come back! made me feel like i couldnt ask for help cos i should "know" what i was doin but my dd had different probs to my ds. have spent over a year being pushed virtually out of different docs rooms labelled as a neurotic mum- didnt have ds with me just dd and they assumed i was neurotic first time mum and kept telling me she was fine. then finally in dec saw a doctor who listened to me and diagnosed asthma- she is a different child since we have almost whole nights sleep now its heaven!!

Sorry this is long and irreverant but following on from Mog's joke on this subject (Friday)...

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as the blue cross appears in the window.
2nd baby: You wear your normal clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your normal clothes.

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

1st baby: You pre-wash all newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them and fold them neatly in the baby's little chest of drawers.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

1st baby: At the first sign of distress, a whimper, a frown, you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your first born.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to restart the mechanical swing.

1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gym, Baby Singing and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gym.
3rd baby: You take your infant to Sainsbury?s and B&Q.

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a babysitter you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the babysitter to call only if she sees blood.

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

By the way I'm on number 2

When i was struggling to bf ds2, the midwife gave me a strange look and asked what did i do first time. But i had problems bf ds1 so i did not bf him.

How are you expected to become "experieced" with 2nd/subsequent babies if you don't ask about absolutely everything the first time round?