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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed when medical professionals ask (with that patronising look) is this your first baby

87 replies

lardylumps · 15/02/2008 19:47

Wtf, do they really think that I would worry less if it was my second. Sometimes I want to say "no, actually she is my fourth" just to see the smirk fall from their faces. Yes I now know more about babies but for gods sake if a baby is ill then it is ill.

Other mums do it too and it pisses me off, my sisters comments about my dd diet ?well she is your first, wait until your on your third then you will feel different?. No I wont, I still wont be feeding them crap.

OP posts:

Twiglett · 15/02/2008 20:12

bt I'm not being contentious tutter .. I really believe it's different .. it really has been ime

padboz · 15/02/2008 20:12

oh lardylumps - If I'd known what I know now I'd have enjoyed the first few months of being a mum rather than threatening to hang myself - which believe me I did a lot. this is going further than the thread but hey - FWIW - Stop worrying, leave DC unattended under a mobile for 10 minutes several times a day and ignore all but the unignorable - I was you and I was as miserable as sin worrying about everything. I assume your little one isnt actually really ill (mainly cos your doc was so patronising) so just relax. I wish I'd been given this advice (that I just made up - I've been drinking for an hour btw) when I had my first - pretend you have twins. When you need something, thats your babys twin calling and that person cant be ignored any more than your precious little one. God I wish I'd known the wise me I am now when I had my first. I'd have loved me.... and bought me things...

Tutter · 15/02/2008 20:14

ah i've just seen afew feisty posts recently

Twiglett · 15/02/2008 20:15

and that surprises you because I'm usually so demure eh?

juuule · 15/02/2008 20:16

Agree with Kittywise. The more you have, the more experienced you get in knowing what will pass or not and at what point you need outside help.
I, too, knew that I was clueless with the first one and welcomed any advice offerred.

Good joke, Mog. Must remember it

Mog · 15/02/2008 20:16

When I go to the doctor with mine I start with x is our third child, so that they can place where I am on the 'seriousness' spectrum. Sounds like from the previous post that this is good info for doctors to have.

misdee · 15/02/2008 20:19

with dd1 i was always on the phone to the docs, and remember getting really upset as she wasnt well and the doc wouldnt come out. (she has d+v,) as a first time mum i was really concerned.

with dd2 when she had d+v i waited 24hours, then when it wouldnt stop and she couldnt keep any fluids down we ended up at a+e syrienge feeding her 5mls at a time to try and get fluids in and not upset her stomach.

with dd3, well she didnt have that at all.

i was quite PFB-ish with dd1 over illnesses and stuff, but now with 3kids and a lot of health issues behind us, i am generally more relaxed. we only wind up at out of hours if dd1 goes down with an urine infection overnight to get a head start of anti-biotics (3 times last year). have only been at a+e for disloctaed joints, cuts needed supergluing and a suspected broken nose when dd3 banged her head and the whole of her nasal area swelled up making her look really odd.

Mog · 15/02/2008 20:22

Can I just add though that I would go to the doctors with pfb if in any doubt and I'm sure doctors don't mind that.

juuule · 15/02/2008 20:25

Personally I think that it's only by going to the gp or asking around for advice when you are concerned about your first that you learn what is and what isn't something to be concerned about. You just don't have the experience most times to make a reliable judgement.
Therefore imo most first time parents have to go through the stage of feeling a bit dumb when they think it's something and it's not. But better safe than sorry.

Unfitmother · 15/02/2008 20:30

It would have pissed me off when I had my first but, I'm sorry I do think it's relavant as you do see things very differently next time round.
No excuse for saying it patronizingly though.

charleypops · 15/02/2008 20:33

I had the professionals asking me that everytime I presented my ds (only child) to them before sending me away with sachets of Gaviscon or telling me to buy some Calpol. Turned out ds had cerebral palsy. Lol.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/02/2008 20:35

Oh yes, I had that. DD was really drowsy and when she was awake was screaming with a really high-pitched cry. She was normally very alert and her cry was "shouty". So a complete change in behaviour and one that all of the literature tells us that we're supposed to take seriously.
But the GP still asked if DD was our first and took no notice of us afterwards. The day after, she became ill. Not seriously, but enough to account for my previous concern. Not only is it patronising, but it just makes you more worried because then you know that they're not checking out your DB properly.

And I didn't rush DD to the doctors on the drop of a hat - she had D and V at 3 months and I just BF her lots and she was fine, so definitely not PFB. So there!

sparklesandwine · 15/02/2008 20:35

If your DC is ill and you need to see the doc then you need to go whether its 1st, 2nd or 7th!

However you just realise when you need to go and when you don't more with other children, but i've always stood by the idea that i'd rather waste their time than miss something that could be wrong!

When If it happpens again just say to them 'patronise me all you like you but just make sure you don't mis-diagnose or i'll be back faster than you can say pfb '

MrsTittleMouse · 15/02/2008 20:39

jacobandlysetteandabump · 15/02/2008 20:45

dh is vvv neurotic when it comes to ds. we went through a phase of being at the docs every monday morning for every cough, sniffle, he'd thrown up on friday or saturday night etc etc. they were only ever wonderful and it got wuite embarassing after a while - me there saying "yes yes i know it's monday morning and here we are again", but all the gps said we'd rather see you and be safe than sorry.

i guess it depends on the doc?

helenhismadwife · 15/02/2008 20:53

I used to have my own seat at my doctors surgery with ds1 and take him to be weighed every week, filled in his baby book and took loads of pictures now with dd4 2.6 (dc 6) I can count on one hand the number of times she has been to the docs, has been weighed 3 times, we bought a baby book and do have a load of pictures on disc but non printed out!!

I like to think that I do know a lot more, worry a lot less than I did with ds1 and that has been gained from experience

Sycamoretree · 15/02/2008 21:06

I totally agree with Twiglett, but the only way you get there is by getting down to the docs with every little rash or whimper from your PFB. That's how you learn. So no, I don't think YABU.

DC1 has been hospitalized twice in her 2.5 yrs, pneumonia and then febrile convulsion as a result of a urine infection. So I think have have learned how to gauge seriousness of illnesses from her. However - took 7 (COUNT 'EM) trips to various docs, including emergency out of hours and the Health Centre and Centre Parcs (!) before they finally sent her for a chest x-ray and realised we weren't bleating parents of PFB, and that she did indeed have a shadow on her lung and was quite seriously ill (WFT???)

blueshoes · 15/02/2008 21:38

Never had that said to me even with dd, my first.

But then, I come from a family of doctors and know how useless it is to see a GP for most common illnesses. Also dislike antibiotics, so use bf-ing whilst waiting for illness to run its course.

When I finally traipse up to see GP, and I have to describe the history, it is usually a long story spanning a week or so. So they never think it is PFB.

BTW, dd 4.7 has only been to A&E once and it was because she split her nose open with blood everywhere.

SalVolatile · 15/02/2008 21:48

No YANBU, those EXACT words were said to me by a GP who told me my 9 month old ds had 'a teething fever' when he had meningococcal meningitis! . Incompetent bastard.

WestCountryLass · 15/02/2008 21:52

I have actually been asked if it is my first baby by the HV and it was my third, silly mare. DS has had a few ear infections and I happeend to mention I was taking him to the cranial-osteopath, cos all first time Mums are so pfb about their babies they go for the hocus-pocus crap and third time mums don't get a shit

greyskythinker · 15/02/2008 22:01

Sorry, but I have to agree with the others, you do learn more with no 2. Now that I have DC2, I really enjoy feeling smug when Drs ask is he my first, and I can reply 'no'. Sad isn't it?

cece · 15/02/2008 22:02

My old GP used to say this to me about DD's reflux. According to her she was posseting. My friend who had 4 children was amazed when she did brought up her feed at her house, as did my childminder with 20 years experience. But no evertime I went about it - I got - this is your first baby isn't it?

The when she dropped 2 entiles on the growth charts they decided I might be right

Then later I had 4 years of being fobbed off about her constipation. We moved house. I decided to try the new doctors. Three weeks later we saw a paediatrican about her impacted feaces (sp). Two years later she is still on medicine for it

MommaFeelgood · 15/02/2008 23:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Sarahjct · 16/02/2008 00:39

I took dd to the doctor on the morning of day two of her being home (she's only 5 weeks now btw) because she was screaming like she was about to die in horrible agony during the night. Turns out it was wind, which I'm now veeeery familiar with!

But, the doctor made a point of telling me to come back any time there was anything I was concerned about. She said that she knew that a lot of new mothers feel that they daren't take their dc to the doctor for fear of being accused of overreacting. I really appreciated her saying that.

Neverenough · 16/02/2008 00:56

It is useful info to have.
It is absolutely fine to take your baby to see a doctor if you don't have a clue. We all have to learn and some of us have never been in charge of a baby before our own.
Meningococal meningitis is rare so don't call your GP an "incompetent fool"-most GPs see one or two cases in their careers-but have nightmares about missing it.
Be grateful you live in a country where medical advice is freely and easily available.
YABU

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