To want to retire to Devon (from London suburbia)

[hildaogden99]

Have lived in same London suburb our whole lives. Until recently we liked living here (nice house, nice neighbours, easy access to London but on the green belt too, everything on our doorstep). However, over the last couple of years (since Covid really) it has REALLY changed. Overcrowded, flats being built on every inch of land, horrendous traffic, road rage, increasing crime and a rapidly increasing number of horrible, rude entitled people ( I work with the public so perhaps have noticed it more). We're at the stage where we just want to escape as we just don't like living here anymore. Can't do anything for about 4 years. Will be 60 then and I'm hoping DC will be settled by then. DC1 is 20, already has a job and hopes to buy a property. DC2 is only 16 and going to college for 2 years from September but am hoping by the time we go will know what direction they're going.

We're thinking Devon. It's not alien to us as have been many, many times and love it. DH spent a lot of his childhood there and is still loosley in touch with family friends there. In fact, PIL retired there but sadly both died not long after moving which put us off for a long time (lightning striking twice.!?). SIL is also thinking of moving there too and BIL has a holiday home there. We'll obviously do our homework over the next few years and carry on visiting as much as we can but would be grateful for any views. Would this be a crazy thing to do?

What We're worried about:
Not fitting in/making friends
One of us getting ill/dying and the other being left alone with no family close by
Missing the convenience of London
Picking the wrong area - we do know it pretty well (esp South Devon) and know we want to stay away from the big tourist areas (like Torbay) but don't want to be isolated either. Would also like easy access to our beloved Dartmoor & the coast.

Any tips? Was rather put off by this article but rest assured I'm nothing like her 😂

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4535684/SHONA-SIBARY-moved-family-Devon-hated-family-broken.html

Which London suburb … sounds like mine, although it prob describes most of them to be fair.

I would worry that the pace of life in Devon would bore me after living near London. Also how often will you see your boys if they’re up here? Potential grandkids? I know they could up and move anywhere but it’s with thinking about.

Just spend lots of time down there, you will be retired you can spend weeks down there at a time.

The being isolated if anything happens would be my biggest concern.

We moved a few years ago ( although not Devon but a coastal area ) we've stayed as we have enjoyed it but it does take some getting used to.
Things we'd not anticipated , not much choice for getting listed with a Dr / dentist , our dentist is a 50 mile round trip.
Be prepared to travel for a decent sized supermarket which for us is a 60 mile round trip.
Diy is harder , less shops available , ditto places like timber merchants , decorating shops , furniture shops etc .
Getting used to less things around to do, for example where we lived before we could travel / visit places for day trips in a large 360° radius . When you live on the coast in a rural area you have 180° as you have the sea (if you get what I mean.)
Summers lovely , winters can be long and harder.

As long as you're honest with yourself about what you're looking for and realistic about the lifestyle you're likely to live, rather than a fantasy life, then the move will be fine.

Some of my relatives retired to a rural area and love it, but they say there are other people who have done the same and spend their days moaning at the local coffee mornings about the limited bus service, tractors and that they have to drive to the supermarket/cinema etc. You'd have thought they considered this before moving to a rural village but apparently not.

My parents did. It largely worked out well for them, they were still working age when they moved so met plenty of people.

Now, a few decades on it’s an absolute pain for us DC who are required for caring and support in old age. Luckily, like you they do have some family support but still.

Also ditto all above about long drives to get anywhere. And it’s very busy in the summer and frankly not enough culture for me. But hey, it’s an option if you want it.

Making friends in the south west takes time as well OP, just to prepare you. My husband and I (far from retirement at 30) live in Somerset, and have been here 2 years.

We started off meeting neighbours. Then a few people through neighbours. Down the pub. At local fairs and events.

After 2 years, I’d say we know about 10 people in the town well, and 6 of those are friends that we go to for dinner/drinks/games nights. But I wouldn’t consider any of them close friends.

Fitting in in the south west takes time, and requires you to be proactive and put yourself out there. Just thought I’d flag as a lot of people move down here (I’m born and raised in Devon, it’s not much different to Somerset), and then describe the area as insular and parochial, when I’d say the culture combined with fewer social opportunities is what causes the process of making friends to be slower.

My Gran lived in Devon so I spent lots of time there as a child, and really loved it. However, my concern would be how far away it is. At this stage you don’t know where your kids will end up, but chances are it’ll be a long way from Devon, especially when you consider how busy the motorways to Devon are.

if it were me I’d look at more central rural areas, that are more easily accessible from the rest of the UK. Or at least Somerset rather than Devon.

We did a big downsize & relocation during lockdown 3+hrs from where we used to live, we waited till DS1 had finished college and DS2 had finished school. We now live on the outskirts of a city, before we lived semi rural. By far the best thing we ever did, no regrets whatsoever. We are all very happy.

My friend was also wanting to sell up and move to Cornwall, she visited during winter and decided for many reasons that it wasn’t the right move for her.

I would suggest visiting out of season, hire airbnb, visit areas that you have researched. DH looked into everything when we moved, weather, crime stats, best areas, a lot of desk research which really helped us to plan.

The short answer is you will never know unless you try it, I am risk adverse and the move was probably the bravest thing I did tbh, still can’t believe we actually did it after being in our family home for nearly 18 years! Someone said to me, what’s the worse thing that could happen? You hate it and then you move again. This comment put me in a different mindset, that any move doesn’t have to be forever.

Good luck OP.

It’s not a crazy idea, parts of Devon are really lovely to live in, and parts have some of the same problems you describe in your current area!

In your shoes I’d be looking to spend some time in Exeter, and the small towns and villages along the coastal and moorland train lines into Exeter. Sounds like you want rural access rather than proper rural.

You can easily pop on the train back to London to see family then, even if you can’t manage the drive in future years.

Unless you have links or are an active part of a community group eg a church I think you might struggle to make friends.

My parents have recently retired to th South West, but they have family there. If you’ve lived all your life in a big city I think you’ll find it a massive shock to be honest. Everything is an hours drive away.

Could you look at moving to a quieter town than London? Where are your family?

That's a really good point. I've lived all over including abroad and never have any issues making friends but I didn't make any when I lived/worked in Devon. It was a very lonely 2 years.

I've lived in Devon and London and wouldn't go back to either - although out of the two London is far worse IMO for all the reasons you list, Devon on the other hand feels very far away from anything to me and a bit backwards. Personally I'd pick somewhere nice in the middle, Winchester, Hungerford, Marlborough areas, the Cotswolds maybe or I always had a soft spot for Pangbourne. That way you can get down to Devon or into London if you want for the best of all worlds.

Move to the outskirts of Exeter maybe? Easy access to lovely beaches and less than an hour’s drive to Dartmoor. But easy access to services, shops and social activities.

A lot of people retire to rural villages but it’s a big mistake. They enjoy it for a few years then they age and have a few health issues, the house/garden becomes unmanageable, they’re miles away from hospitals and shops, and they basically sit indoors just fading away with nothing to do, totally stuck.

I lived in London for 3 years and never made any friends, never knew any of my neighbours not even the person next door. Now I live in a village where I know nearly everyone!

Although I don't live there now I certainly wouldn't say that Devon was less friendly than London!

If you're sure you definitely don't want to stay put, what I would do is:

Spend the next few years really sorting through your stuff, declutter like mad

Sell your house

Rent a storage unit

Rent somewhere in Devon for a few months and then really think about it

It's a really different way of life, you might love it but you might hate it. I would give it a try before buying somewhere and fully committing to it.

My husband is from Devon. We live in a city in Ireland. I absolutely love it there as do my kids but I could never live there. We go a few times a year and summers there are very different to winters. Just too insular for me. Ironically I also find it quite built up for a rural county I am used to far more rural areas in Ireland. Devon is busy IMO.
My advice is go off season, go in November spend some time there to really figure out what you are after because each place is very different. North Devon is very different to South Devon, the coast is different to inland. Also get involved in village life, add something to their community because there is an element of resentment with Londoners moving down and pushing up house prices. As I am married into a well liked farming family I have enjoyed instant acceptance but I do think it must be really hard to integrate into the community where my in laws live. I hear the suspicion they instantly have when someone new moves in, watching and waiting for them to put a foot wrong so they can pounce. I kid you not and laugh and pull my mil up on it all the time 😂

Good luck it and whether it will work for you or not is anyone's guess. I would rent out your place in London and rent for a year first though, hedge your bets.

I think it depends whether you enjoy the things that are important in rural areas. We moved to the Cotswolds many years ago from Central London. We had had a weekend cottage there for quite a long time, so we knew about the area and about the advantages and disadvantages.

The most important contribution to contentment was enjoying what the area has to offer. We like gardening, and horse racing. Both these activités (especially racing) meant we met other people who shared our interests. We were also involved in the church ( DH did scut work for the parish mag, I helped with polishing brass) .

I wouldn’t go anywhere until your youngest has left Uni (if they go) They are still home for the holidays for half the year, keeping up with local school friends etc, needing p/t jobs, wanting a social life.

Also retiring to somewhere miles away is hard in your kids once you become very elderly.

My parents moved to a rural coastal area with no really local hospital, no GP in walking distance, no public transport, diminishing friends and neighbours as they died off and majority properties went to holiday homes etc. It was too far for me to do as a day trip or drive up after work on a Friday. Wasn’t easy. In the end I resented their choice.

We lived in Somerset for ten years and as I was a bit worried about the potential unfriendliness in a village so we lived in the edge of Taunton. I found it quite tricky to make friends. I’d come from an expat background so was used to making an effort and being open and friendly but although I made some friends most were not from Somerset initially.

We then did the opposite move to most people who retire to the SW and moved to the SE. Small village in Hampshire. And hour from London.

We find it much friendlier. It’s taken time but we moved in lockdown which didn’t help.

much happier here and have the best of both worlds really I think.

Depends where in south Devon.

I live there.

Depends what you want from life.

My thoughts.

Homebase, B&Q big shops, end up being a day out in themselves as car journeys involved.
I quite like that tho, gets me out and I feel like it's fun to do.

I love leaving busy places and coming home to my quiet town, as much as I like going to busy places.

I don't have a partner but if I had one or a DH and in your position I would feel pretty happy that there was that company iyswim when I moved.

I like knowing that if I walk through town I'll bump into people who I have got to know. It's never really lonely.

Of course in a busier place I'd get to know people in cafes or shops but ultimately I like the calm quiet way of life.

I do have an offspring, who is at big city university now. Life was normal for her here she was used to the quiet. So in that sense I wouldn't have made a big move whilst she was in school etc.

It really depends on what you want from life.

Disclaimer I moved from London 20 yrs ago!

Cons.

Diversity is something I miss. Within culture, arts food, that type of thing.

But I travel alot to go away for gigs, mini breaks etc.

I then love being home again. I feel very lucky to be able to live within a beautiful place. Sure it gets on my wick at times but life can get on your wick.

I grew up in a rural idyll, many people retire or have second homes there.

There is a lot of hatred directed towards second home owners and people that retire there. It’s been a problem for years, as bad as Cornwall though not in the press like Cornwall. I remember when I was a kid in the 1980’s people being resentful.

I still have family there and some friends, two have retired very early and moved back. I would not risk moving to a rural area as an outsider myself. My friend was complaining about the amount of Essex accents in our little home town and how prices have been pushed up even further by the influx of Londoners since lockdown. If London is mentioned she puts on an exaggerated long burr when mentioning London in Hot Fuzz style

@Dulra The resentment is real. My parents though now dead were well known in the community, I’m in my fifties but it would still be oh yes of course she is Hetty’s daughter.

My friend is actually retiring to Cornwall but her DH is from there and still has quite an accent. I said to her you will be ok as you’re going with your Poldark.

I've lived in Devon for a year.

My parents retired here from Surrey 25 years ago. They lived in a coastal small town before but now live in a very rural area. Neither of those are for me so I chose to live in the centre of a market town with a mainline station.

I absolutely love living here. I love the town, it has the same problems as any it's a bit run down but we have parks, a market, independent shops including a department store and trains all over the country. I'm 12 miles from Exeter and about 5 from Torbay. Which, incedently I don't mind.

It does have its negatives. I've done other threads on this, finding work has been impossible. I agree about making friends too. I have a very friendly neighbourhood, there's a WhatsApp group,everyone knows your name etc but I've not been in anyone's house for coffee or felt like I've got to the point where I could invite anyone in.

I've had kids over for play dates and my kids had a great turn out for thier birthday parties but invitations are rarely reciprocated. I just accept its just how it is and keep trying I don't want to let it put me off.

I continue to champion this town because in terms of accessibility and still feeling like I'm in Devon it's absolutely perfect.

Wondering where you are now!

Possibly not crazy far from me. When you mentioned dept store!! I can only think of one lol.

I’ve never lived there but I’ve had many happy visits to Devon pursuing my musical interests - what about the Totnes/Dartington area?

Totally get what you mean about London, we are in Greater London and where before you would generally feel safe it now feels like stabbings, dog attacks, theft, muggings etc are happening every week and very near where I live, this was definitely not the case pre covid/brexit. We are also contemplating a move but more likely to a country with better weather and lower crime.