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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exposing Cafcass and the Flying Monkeys

94 replies

SpringMum30 · 20/04/2023 18:13

I don’t know why I was shocked when going through the complaints procedure with Cafcass because my expectations were already low, but they were so dismissive it was almost unbelievable.

I was a victim of coercive control and Cafcass claim to have a protocol to explore this:
-The extent with which these factors remain present in the relationship
-The current risk to victim and child
-The impact on parenting capacity
-The impact on the child
-Mitigating protective factors

The only factor the Cafcass officer explored was:
-The impact on parenting capacity

The Cafcass officer commented that it could ‘impact her emotionally’. Sounds like victim blaming to me! No mention of any other factor. After leaving my ex I’ve had malicious ss referrals, lies about my mental health, the smear campaign, finances withdrawn, belongings withheld etc.He has also caused emotional harm to our children.

When questioning why the Cafcass officer didn’t explore all factors of coercive control she said she didn’t have to! No sweat Sherlock but it’s your responsibility to do your due diligence and to ignore something so significant is negligent at best!

I had a phone conversation with someone who deals with complaints who spent the entire time talking about why I shouldn’t complain and what I could have done before starting the complaints process.

I’m looking into speaking to my local MP to complain to the PHSO to see if I can make any progress that way. I urge anyone else if you can find the strength to take these measure with these shoddy Cafcass reports. They will have to listen eventually. With these new coercive control laws in place they’ll not be able to so easily brush it under the carpet either!

OP posts:
Weedoormatnomore · 20/04/2023 21:46

Good luck I went through it years ago before that law was in place. Cafcass made me feel so awful like I was going mad.

TitaniumTess · 20/04/2023 23:34

Ah. Similar here. I am surprised how light a job they've done with lots of factual mistakes.

I have reached out to my local MP.

PrincessofWellies · 20/04/2023 23:37

Ex lawyer, I'm unsurprised, some of the reports I've seen were dreadful in their inaccuracies and lack of insight.

thisisasurvivor · 20/04/2023 23:40

We need to get some more people on board here

The damage they are doing is utterly unimaginable

Many of us have been failed by them

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 06:48

Weedoormatnomore · 20/04/2023 21:46

Good luck I went through it years ago before that law was in place. Cafcass made me feel so awful like I was going mad.

That's how I felt. The gaslighting was real!

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 06:49

TitaniumTess · 20/04/2023 23:34

Ah. Similar here. I am surprised how light a job they've done with lots of factual mistakes.

I have reached out to my local MP.

I hope you get somewhere 🙏🏽

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 06:50

PrincessofWellies · 20/04/2023 23:37

Ex lawyer, I'm unsurprised, some of the reports I've seen were dreadful in their inaccuracies and lack of insight.

There's no accountability. Even their complaints process is so defensive like they're untouchable

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Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 06:51

thisisasurvivor · 20/04/2023 23:40

We need to get some more people on board here

The damage they are doing is utterly unimaginable

Many of us have been failed by them

Exactly! It's a few meetings and a report for them. Yet the decisions they make affect our children's entire childhood

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knittingaddict · 21/04/2023 07:16

Couldn't agree more op.

Not myself, but a close relative. First report = credible evidence of abuse. Second report = no credible evidence of abuse. Both done by the same person.

Still dealing with the aftermath of their uselessness to this day. I wish we had the strength and energy to complain at the time.

Disabledmomma · 21/04/2023 07:27

I've had a similar disastrous experience with them. My child was injured and hospitalised- twice, had no bedroom at my ex’s -and still somehow that's ok for overnight visits.
Prior to that he had attacked me and raped me. It's ok because I am an adult and it wouldn't follow the same behaviour could happen to a child. Ffs!

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 07:41

knittingaddict · 21/04/2023 07:16

Couldn't agree more op.

Not myself, but a close relative. First report = credible evidence of abuse. Second report = no credible evidence of abuse. Both done by the same person.

Still dealing with the aftermath of their uselessness to this day. I wish we had the strength and energy to complain at the time.

I'm sorry they had similar experiences. That's the thing the whole process is so emotionally, mentally and physically draining it's hard to find the strength at then end of it.

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Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 07:43

Disabledmomma · 21/04/2023 07:27

I've had a similar disastrous experience with them. My child was injured and hospitalised- twice, had no bedroom at my ex’s -and still somehow that's ok for overnight visits.
Prior to that he had attacked me and raped me. It's ok because I am an adult and it wouldn't follow the same behaviour could happen to a child. Ffs!

What an awful experience you have had 😔. I noticed the same perspective. They try to separate the person as a partner and a father. The reality is abusive partners don't make healthy parents. How can you claim to be a good parent whilst emotionally, physically, mentally etc abusing the mother of your child? How is that in their best interest?

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Ywudu · 21/04/2023 07:46

Cafcass are judge jury and executioner. The judge does as they say without even listening to the facts. It's pointless fighting it, anything you say is twisted and used against you.

I got a no contact order so I have no vendetta but the bias they carry into every case is a danger to every child who needs protection.

Disabledmomma · 21/04/2023 08:06

@SpringMum30 Those were my exact words to them. But no. Of course they know best. Then advise the court. I didn't think they consider that behaviour like that is rarely a one off and is a perpetual cycle of abuse.
Fortunately my barrister was amazing.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 09:52

Ywudu · 21/04/2023 07:46

Cafcass are judge jury and executioner. The judge does as they say without even listening to the facts. It's pointless fighting it, anything you say is twisted and used against you.

I got a no contact order so I have no vendetta but the bias they carry into every case is a danger to every child who needs protection.

Yep very true

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Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 09:53

Disabledmomma · 21/04/2023 08:06

@SpringMum30 Those were my exact words to them. But no. Of course they know best. Then advise the court. I didn't think they consider that behaviour like that is rarely a one off and is a perpetual cycle of abuse.
Fortunately my barrister was amazing.

That's exactly it and it's a reflection of their overall character and ability to be a healthy parent

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thisisasurvivor · 21/04/2023 10:37

So what's next

Where will we go with this

They are beyond incompetent

Nordicrain · 21/04/2023 10:40

I think if you have the mental capacity you should take your complaint as far as is possible. Things will never change if people don't complain - that's not to say you are somehow complicit if you don't, the system is set up not to be challenged, but if enough people complain maybe just maybe at some point someone will take notice.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 10:57

Nordicrain · 21/04/2023 10:40

I think if you have the mental capacity you should take your complaint as far as is possible. Things will never change if people don't complain - that's not to say you are somehow complicit if you don't, the system is set up not to be challenged, but if enough people complain maybe just maybe at some point someone will take notice.

This is my thought process exactly. Thank God I do have the strength after 2 stressful years going through the family court. I'm completely unsatisfied with Cafcass' response to my complaint so have contacted my MP and currently awaiting a response.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 10:58

thisisasurvivor · 21/04/2023 10:37

So what's next

Where will we go with this

They are beyond incompetent

I wish I had the answer. I've thought about it and don't really know. I think talking about it, spreading awareness and making complaints is a start as it sheds light on the issues.

OP posts:
Disabledmomma · 21/04/2023 15:59

SpringMum30 · 21/04/2023 09:52

Yep very true

Show quote history

It really is. I tried to fight it in court. It took a huge amount of money and a barrister to get the judge to listen

TitaniumTess · 22/04/2023 21:33

@SpringMum30 my MP said that he would meet up with me in a local surgery.

Has anyone got any experience around using an Ombudsman to complain and how is it best to time this around court proceedings?

FloraPostIt · 22/04/2023 21:43

They have such a loud voice in court proceedings involving children, having spent negligible amounts of time with the parties. It's a scandal.

Boomboom22 · 22/04/2023 21:48

Hopefully the open8ng up of the family court to the media will eventually mean exposure of the very very odd decisions, norms and values which the judges and other agencies seem to have.

Original poster
SpringMum30 · 25/04/2023 06:31

Boomboom22 · 22/04/2023 21:48

Hopefully the open8ng up of the family court to the media will eventually mean exposure of the very very odd decisions, norms and values which the judges and other agencies seem to have.

Are they doing this right now?

OP posts: