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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD making zero effort for gcses-how easy will retakes be ?

78 replies

Mustnot · 19/04/2023 16:19

AIBU to just stop nagging her now because every day is a battle. Do I need to step back and let her get on with it and research about retakes for the point in time where she realises she messed up?DD has asd and is intelligent but refuses to do any work the last year ?

OP posts:
Britinme · 19/04/2023 22:38

If the more you nag the worse she gets, that would suggest to me that you stop nagging. Tell her that you've explained things to her and her teachers have explained things to her, and now you are going to say no more as it's her responsibility. If she fails everything, it's not the end of the world. There are jobs and apprenticeships that don't need much in the way of GCSEs and maybe she doesn't want to do something that does need academic qualifications.

moveoverye · 19/04/2023 22:53

Yes, it’s the perfectionism. It can be paralysing.
I think you need to dial the pressure and expectation RIGHT back.
I actually think I might withdraw her from sitting the exams altogether, depending on you think ‘failing’ would do to her?

Failing could, for example, on the positive side:

-Relieve the pressure, help her to realise the ‘worst case scenario’ actually isn’t so bad. Once she has failed everything and found that life goes on and everyone still loves her, she may feel liberated enough to relax and do re-sits.

-It might also galvanise her into action, wanting to prove to the world that those results aren't the best she has to offer.

OR, less positively, it might:

-Diminish her view of herself, confirm her worst fears that she is a failure, that life is too hard, and cause her to retreat into herself.

I think it hinges on what her self esteem and mental health is like. If it’s low, I’d be tempted to excuse her from exams, let her take a year out doing something productive that she’s good at (outdoor education stuff like outward bound is amazing for building confidence and getting out of her comfort zone, if she’ll do it). And look into her doing GCSEs at college the year after, when she’s feeling more positive and the pressure from school is no longer present.

SheSaidHummingbird · 19/04/2023 23:20

Something bigger is going on. The sudden and unexplained switch from perfectionist to handing in a blank exam paper is extreme. I would look at encouraging therapy.

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