DD making zero effort for gcses-how easy will retakes be ?

[Mustnot]

AIBU to just stop nagging her now because every day is a battle. Do I need to step back and let her get on with it and research about retakes for the point in time where she realises she messed up?DD has asd and is intelligent but refuses to do any work the last year ?

I can totally empathise with you OP, my DD was exactly the same. Yet her school predicted her higher grades for her sixth form applications so when I asked the sixth forms about resits they looked at me as if as I was totally unsupportive!

But the reality was, I knew she wasn’t putting in the work and might not do well - it was important to me to explore retake options!

And honestly, there aren’t any options other than maths and English resits, which really surprised me. She’s now doing this alongside a Level 2 course. Hopefully, she’ll have pass this year and move up to Level 3.

GCSE Results day last summer was so stressful. And even DD was surprised at how badly she did - but ultimately it comes down to personal responsibility. She had to acknowledge her lack of effort etc…

I would talk to the school. If she is taking say 10 gsce could it be cut down to 5 or 6?

She might be fine. I did very little revision because I am a major procrastinator. I got a range from A*-C. Could have done better at a few, but still passes. I don’t think nagging will work if she’s just not inclined to study off her own back. Leave her to it. She can deal with resits if it comes to that.

Different opinion to others, my son was like this and wasn't bothering to revise at home. I made him go to revision club after school and Saturday mornings for most of year 11, the consequence of not going.... No Xbox, phone, designer clothes, Netflix.
Sounds harsh but it worked, he got all Level 6 and above and now (4years on) has almost finished his apprenticeship and has a very well paid career ahead of him. He's very pleased that i forced him to do well. 16 year olds don't understand the bigger consequences of not doing well at school.

Either you sit back and let her fail, or you threaten to take away whatever she loves, phone/money/clothes/etc until she starts putting in the effort.

It sounds really stressful and I feel for you.

OP then maybe a change of approach is needed like you said.

I have a feeling that the course she wants to do is vocational? Given no entry req?

There needs to be a sit down talk where you tell her that there are no scholastic expectations as such but effort ones.

if this was my DD the convo would be on the basis of she doesn’t need to go to uni or do a specific career. If she wants she can be an electrician or a builder or a nail tech or chef or whatever.
but whatever she does while she lives at home she must put effort.
She cannot live at home and waste away.

She is free to leave 6th form with no A-Levels, and she understands that it will be harder to progress in life. But mum and dad won’t be supporting her life so she needs to think about what she will do in her future.

It will be her ASD getting in the way. Ideally it would be great to at least pass her maths and English, as most further education courses will want her to study them alongside if she hasn’t .
I agree that it’s best not to put any pressure on though.

Is she aware that she will need to re do maths and English? Perhaps that might work- get those two at least and don’t have to do them again.

I wouldn’t worry too much about the others. She has a progression point in mind and that will happen regardless. Sometimes the shock is useful.

Some FE colleges will offer GCSE in one year. Others you would take GCSE English and maths alongside. She may not require lots of GCSEs for her future. English and maths gives her options though.

it might be worth looking at apprenticeships. Some don’t require any quals; others ask for GCSEs. Once she sees the gain in opportunities it might help.

Apply now for the option she has in mind too. Then look at other options.

Well there’s obviously something going on OP - anxiety? I would take the pressure off the exams completely and try to figure out what’s happening. She can always redo them.

You could suggest she sits one only - like maths that doesn’t need revision?

For an "intelligent" child then they can pass GCSEs with OK grades with minimal effort. (I teach lots of GCSE classes!).

You might want to encourage her to watch some revision videos if she doesn't want to do "traditional" pen, paper and text book style revision.

BUT... you will need to consider what she wants to do next year. I had a child with ASD that got good GCSEs (lots of 6s and 7s) that then did A Level in my subject. He found out that the minimal work approach might work for GCSE but it doesn't for A Level, and he ended up failing Y12 and having to drop out. It was tough as lots of his friends were in the 6th form. He is now doing a more practical based course and doing really well.

I'd just prioritise your relationship with her.

Sadly she may face many such challenges through life and not achieve her 'potential'. Having someone to turn to who has her back is going to be all the more important in those moments.

She can private entry for gcses in future if she wants to, and there's always something there for maths and english retakes.

Something must have caused all this. Doesn’t add up that she would suddenly disengage from anything and everything.

I have an autistic girl and know how demand avoidant they can be. But this sounds like it goes deeper than demand avoidance.

Even if the course has no entry requirement employers will expect English and Maths as a minimum. Does the college facilitate resits of those alongside ?

Exactly what I was about to say @Mustnot. You said upthread that she used to be a perfectionist but it’s the perfectionistic thinking and beliefs still at play. I am not an expert on ASD from a clinical or parental point of view (and so I may need correcting by others who know much more) but what I’ve observed among the high functioning girls I’ve come across is real cognitive rigidity about performance, friendships, future plans and as school becomes less structured and more about independent work, the wheels come off and the overwhelm is huge. The masking and internal anxiety is missed so often.

I’m not sure what the answer is but pressure is unlikely to work. My daughter has ADHD and “punish her until she buckles down” suggestions would have been totally counterproductive. With my neurotypical son that kind of hard line works. I agree with @Triflenot it would be good to focus on maths and English and collaborate on a definite plan if she passes and a definite plan B if she doesn’t. But no plan A or B would also be overwhelming as well I imagine. Year 11 is no fun :(

She sounds shut down. She probably literally can't face doing any of it. If she doesn't try then she can't fail.
I'm sorry I don't know the answer. Perhaps look at demand avoidant profiles

Resits - she can do English and maths alongside her course. Any others you can organise privately at a cost as long as they don't need coursework, orals etc....

But that's probably unnecessary anyway. There are a massive range of courses at level 2 (GCSE level) too, though I think they're btecs.

Resitting all her GCSE's isn't really possible. She can resit GCSE Maths and English at FE College alongside a level 1 or 2 Vocational qualification (depending on her grades).

I would say that maybe due to her ASD she now sees no point in her GCSE's as she doesn't need them to do what she wants to do. I wouldn't be thinking about resits - she'll probably see no more value in them then she does now if she doesn't require them. Hopefully once she's doing the course she wants to do, it will have value for her and she'll throw herself into it and her whole attitude will change. I work with an autistic student who sees no point in most of the GCSE's she is doing because she's not just interested in them. The one or two she does like though she puts her heart and soul into.

I would consider thinking about ways you can make her GCSE's have value for her if possible - many jobs want a maths and English pass, could that be the case with what she's interested in doing? Often when you apply for a job they want a list of your qualifications - has it occurred to her that someone who has good GCSE's and appears to have worked hard may have an edge over her in getting a job? At the moment she might not be looking beyond the course she plans to do in the very near future, I would try getting her to think beyond that and how passing GCSE's if you are able is only ever going to be a positive on a CV or job application. But keep it positive and upbeat and something for her to consider because she might be completely over whelmed and anxious about the whole thing.

Does she have access arrangements for the exam? Small room, rest breaks etc?

If OP has money it’s possible to retake the whole lot if necessary.

I suggested going down to 1 gcse, then she can repeat the year and the exams won’t be retakes.

You can redo in college.i did but jist because I was severely unwell during gcse years.So went to classes and passed well. Tbh probably did better than I may have done in school

@Mirabai - had not thought about doing this privately - just as long as slogging through these GCSE's, trying to avoid them being considered a 'resit' so that I assume entry into a prestigious university is on the table is the best way forward.

My Dd is doing Nat5 (GCSE eqiv) in Scotland. Maths, English, Engineering. (others all dropped throughout year).
Shes had 5 attempts so far at her mock English & hasn't been able to write anything. She's Autistic & Dyslexic.
It's very frustrating all around. Any pressure makes it worse not better tho.

What does she want to do after college? Even if vocational course has no entry requirements many jobs still want 5 plus gcse grade c equivalent or above.
Does she have special measures re exams eg breaks, small room.
Keep talking.

@Mirabai no state school is going to allow a student to only take one GCSE.

Asd? What motivates her? Money? Special interests? If she's got any ADHD traits it might be more effective to ask her to do half an hour.