Was my sister out of line? Or am I really too sensitive?

[blahblahsensitive]

Since I’ve been young, my older sister has always put me down. Everytime I’ve expressed an interest, it’s been “since when do you like that?” “Are you only listening to that band because of me?” So I’ve always grown up sheltering myself from her.
A few years ago she told me I have no personality, but I honestly believe that’s because I have never felt confident enough and have always hidden any interests from her, for example growing up listening to music in earphones rather than out loud.

I thought now we’re older (26 and 29) it would have changed slightly but it hasn’t.

I’ve always not minded watching darts on tv, with my family, often it is her being loudly excited about it and showing interest, and I’ll watch in the background. I now have a boyfriend who also loves darts, so I took him to go and watch a premier league darts game about 2 hours away and stayed the night. I enjoyed it too. I put a picture on my Instagram story and sent one to our family group chat, saying my dad’s favourite player with heart eye emojis.

On both instagram and in the group chat, my sister had to make a point of messaging me “since when do you like darts
/when have you ever watched darts 😂😂😂”. The laughing faces seriously pissed me off and I got so upset, it ruined my night and I got really teary. I haven’t lived with her for years either.

I basically told her I was sick of being judged and here’s how the convo went roughly:

Sister: I’m not putting you down I’ve just never seen you watch darts or take an interest”
Me: ”why even ask then, why not just leave me to it without judging. Why the laughing faces”
S: “because it’s funny”
Me: “I don’t even feel like I can be here because I’m being judged again”
S: ”well that’s your problem. I find you don’t show an interest in lots of things at home and suddenly turn up at them. I’m not judging it’s just confusing, that’s why it’s funny”
Me: “okay well I mainly went for DP, but so what if I was suddenly interested?”
S: ”because you’re banging on with heart eyes as if you’re the darts fan, NOT that you’re there for DP. You’ve made your way all the way there, that’s what a darts fan would do. And I’ve never seen you watch it or take an interest 😂😂”

Pretty much sums it up. Like it honestly brings me down so much. I can’t do a single thing without being judged or interrogated, and she always has to be the “biggest fan” because she’s loud and brash and makes a bigger deal of them.

AIBU??

I have a sister like this I keep at arms length

I remember one time (not with family I might add) I was doing the box of chocolates thing and the person hit the fifth totally annoying comment and I started laughing. They demanded to know what was so funnny and I just said “Thank you! For being you”

I wouldn’t text her back at all. I would literally pretend she hadn’t spoken. Pathetic behaviour.

I think your sister is being unkind and belittling you. Its something my sister did too. I've gone no contact.

Block her on Facebook. Tell her (if she asks why) that you block all people who write negative comments as you don't allow it.

She sounds like a narcissist, and is acting like a 13 yr old, not someone in their twenties.

Is she a bit insecure, OP? Because the need to trim other people down to size and undermine their happiness and enthusiasm does pretty much always seem to be fed by some form of insecurity.

I’ve got a family member who is many years older than me and well old enough to know better but has this fairly childlike competitive side. More than once I’ll have been listening to a song or reading a book they’d never heard about, but felt they ‘should have,’ and they’d ask ‘when did you hear that? who told you about that?’ Clearly, the only way I could know about something they don’t is by having been recently educated on it by someone better informed 🤪

Some years ago for Christmas I bought them the first book in what went onto be a well-regarded series of literary novels. They gave me it back, unread, on my birthday ‘as a little extra’ and when I asked if they’d read it themselves they screwed up their face and said it really wasn’t their sort of thing. A couple of years ago I noticed on a visit they now had the whole sequence on their shelves, in a newer edition; a well-read friend had finished with them and passed them on, what a great find of hers, such fantastic writing, I should give them a go! In the intervening years the author’s career had gone stratospheric, so hardly a find, but it just showed me, with this person in my life, it’s not the recommendation that counts, it’s the person who makes it 🫣

These are just a couple of examples but it’s been pretty wearing and fairly consistent over the last two decades. It’s pointless and tiring being in this sort of competition when you never asked to be, and being repeatedly undermined doesn’t do much for your confidence or patience. I just don’t speak about anything interesting anymore, just the most run-of -the-mill stuff. The less I say, the less ammo, you know?

However, you two are still young, and sisters are sisters, so hopefully there’s a chance to tackle this. Do you get on well apart from this undermining side of her? Would she be likely to listen to you telling her honestly what you feel? If she would, it might be worth trying to find a way to raise it. Do your parents notice it?

You have sympathy from me. Shes obviously insecure and jealous of you. The bit about laughing emojis made me really cross for you!

This grew up this with this shite.
Sibling now lives in NZ and thinks their bullying of me is funny and tells anecdotes of things they did to their kids as funny stories.

Can remain in New Zealand as I'm concerned.

Do we share a sister because my sister has always been a nasty bitch to me ever since we where kids she loved telling me I was adopted etc now I barely speak to her unless I really have to I don’t even tell her about tattoos that I’m getting because she will say she wants the same thing so I wait until they are done before I say anything. I hide everything from her because anything I say she has same problem and hers is always way worse than anyone else. It’s very exhausting having a simple conversation with her because she makes everything about her. Sorry I have no advice but I know how you feel.