Was my sister out of line? Or am I really too sensitive?

[blahblahsensitive]

Since I’ve been young, my older sister has always put me down. Everytime I’ve expressed an interest, it’s been “since when do you like that?” “Are you only listening to that band because of me?” So I’ve always grown up sheltering myself from her.
A few years ago she told me I have no personality, but I honestly believe that’s because I have never felt confident enough and have always hidden any interests from her, for example growing up listening to music in earphones rather than out loud.

I thought now we’re older (26 and 29) it would have changed slightly but it hasn’t.

I’ve always not minded watching darts on tv, with my family, often it is her being loudly excited about it and showing interest, and I’ll watch in the background. I now have a boyfriend who also loves darts, so I took him to go and watch a premier league darts game about 2 hours away and stayed the night. I enjoyed it too. I put a picture on my Instagram story and sent one to our family group chat, saying my dad’s favourite player with heart eye emojis.

On both instagram and in the group chat, my sister had to make a point of messaging me “since when do you like darts
/when have you ever watched darts 😂😂😂”. The laughing faces seriously pissed me off and I got so upset, it ruined my night and I got really teary. I haven’t lived with her for years either.

I basically told her I was sick of being judged and here’s how the convo went roughly:

Sister: I’m not putting you down I’ve just never seen you watch darts or take an interest”
Me: ”why even ask then, why not just leave me to it without judging. Why the laughing faces”
S: “because it’s funny”
Me: “I don’t even feel like I can be here because I’m being judged again”
S: ”well that’s your problem. I find you don’t show an interest in lots of things at home and suddenly turn up at them. I’m not judging it’s just confusing, that’s why it’s funny”
Me: “okay well I mainly went for DP, but so what if I was suddenly interested?”
S: ”because you’re banging on with heart eyes as if you’re the darts fan, NOT that you’re there for DP. You’ve made your way all the way there, that’s what a darts fan would do. And I’ve never seen you watch it or take an interest 😂😂”

Pretty much sums it up. Like it honestly brings me down so much. I can’t do a single thing without being judged or interrogated, and she always has to be the “biggest fan” because she’s loud and brash and makes a bigger deal of them.

AIBU??

Your sister is a prick but you are giving her WAY too much airtime. Who gives a fuck what she thinks about anything you do. Tell her to get fucked and don't respond to any of her shitty bullying messages. She shouldn't have the capability of affecting your mood and night like she did, she shouldn't get to make that choice.

Gah!!! One of my relatives always used to say 'who are you copying?' any time I took an interest in something or acted a certain way. It used to drive me up the wall. One of my children has a really bubbly, eccentric personality and this same relative always says that my child has copied her personality from the tv/is copying children in her class. I get it and there's no comeback that doesn't sound pathetic!

God she sounds dreadful, she's fucking with your head for whatever reason, maybe one day she'll let you know why

Imagine you didn't have a sister. Then crack on and live your life, and do what you want to.

The two of you seem very invested in the family dynamic. It will be uncomfortable, but you need to start living your own life and ignoring her reactions. Give yourself your own validation.

Your sister has made a habit of putting you down, ridiculing you to make herself feel big. She's being a bitch, tell her to fuck off. She won't like it but she'll get the message eventually.

She sounds awful & very judgemental. So her problem is with you using a heart emoji? I would definitely limit contact with her. Maybe there is a way you can stop her seeing your posts. I just don't understand the need for the negativity

She likes to think she knows who you are, and doesn't like to be "wrong". I suspect there's a bit of control thing going on - might be related to being the older sister, might just be her personality.
I agree with the advice to give her as little response as possible - "ok" "yes" "right" etc. Do NOT give her any headspace.

Ask her why she’s so obsessed with you and what you’re doing

Also block her from viewing your stories etc

Your sister sounds incredibly threatened by you, to behave this way. Only unhappy people feel the need to make others feel bad. Perhaps it’s because you keep yourself to yourself and she feels shut out.

Regardless of the reason, if you can look at her comments and behaviour as a reflection of her feelings, this works to your advantage. Rather than getting upset, give her a carefree smile and either don’t engage, or say something along the lines of “why does it matter?” Or “is it that important?” If she says it’s odd, or funny, you could say, “that’s interesting” then refuse to elaborate. She’ll start getting the message that her put downs no longer have the desired effect.

And ultimately, if she keeps pushing or it’s too much, physically remove yourself from the room she’s in, so that she can’t see your reaction.

She sounds jealous, goady snd if she had to shout snd scream about everything she likes, she's also an attention seeker.
She is bu however, you're giving her ammunition by showing her that you get upset by her judgement and opinions, which will just encourage her more. Please don't go through rest of your life seeking approval from someone who enjoys withholding it.

Your sister is a nasty little bitch. Truly. I’d go low contact with her. Ignore her jibes, it’s the only way to cope with it.

I'm going to go against the grain here. Honestly from the darts thing I don't think she's done anything wrong. You say yourself in your own post you "don't mind" darts and you basically went for your DP - so it's hardly unreasonable that she was a bit surprised and asked about it. And you got so upset that it ruined your night? Seems like a complete overreaction. Just say "yes, I like darts" and leave it there? Really you're the one turning a throwaway comment from her into a massive drama?

This really resonated with me, OP. I completely get it. I've had to 'hide' things about myself - including partners - because of family members like your sister.

The consequence of her behaviour is that you do not have to share your life with her. Block her from posts. Ignore her comments full stop. Be vague if she starts fishing for details. Being related does not entitle her to be awful to you.

You are in control, don't give her that power anymore.

Honestly - I think you need to stop worrying about what she thinks - so yes too sensitive - but I do know easier said than felt.

I would have been happy to reply - well I don't much like darts but I went because my boyfriend does. & we had a nice time.

I do realise these things are not as easy as that but just don't rise to things & she is not the boss of you ( is that an actual phrase )

Others have sound advice - just ignore stuff when you feel she is telling you things which aren't how you want to go about things.

I would just say "bore off Doris" to all her little jabs.

Block her from your social media or limit your posts (you can do that on fb, not sure about instagram).

But also have something in your arsenal to throw back at her on social media - make her think twice about publicly embarrassing you.

E.g since when have you been into darts 😂

You: 'oh sorry, you upset this post is not all about you?'
'Since forever, not that you'd know - do you want to talk about you again?'
'wow - not spoken to you in ages, how are you?'
'Since you used to sing Kylie Minogue with your hairbrush'
'Oh, it's you again.....'

Throw something back at her on social media!

She does sound jealous.

Yeah I agree with this, and the heart emoji was a bit over the top in that case tbh. A bit funny. I would not have said anything if I were her though, it’s good to find new interests op!

My (older) sister used to be a bit like this, putting me down and criticising my style/taste in everything but I never got upset about it and just ignored her. I always, even as a child, had the mindset that it was her issue not mine. Thankfully she is no longer like it but it took a good thirty odd years for her to stop. Just ignore her, you don’t need to defend yourself. If she says something just say ‘whatever’ and walk away.

She sounds so very similar to my wife's sister. One example of her behaviour...my wife is a cleaner and she cleans a sports club. For the last year sister had been talking about taking up that sport. My wife has no interest in the sport, but sister wants to out do her! Wife is 50s sister late 60s.
it's always been like that. Sister is actually the golden child, yet feels threaten by my wife!

Do you have a younger sister by any chance @Octonaut4Life?

She sounds so petty and bitter and insecure in herself and jealous of you. Don't bother so much with her and tell her nothing. Don't let her see you upset or that she gets to you at all. I have a brother who does this to me but he is really ill now so cannot say anything. He tells me I am past it, my hair is too dark (even though I have naturally black hair, just do the grey roots). I read up on this and it can stem from childhood on their behalf if they felt you got more attention than they did. Either confront or ignore. Do not let her upset you as she sounds awful, vile even. Be happy and cheery around her as that will piss her off more.

I'd say that just because she likes to scream and broadcast her interests doesn't mean the rest of us do.

You've watched darts alongside her for X years you just manage to do it quietly because you're not a performative drama Queen.

I'd then tell her you have lots of interests you just don't share them with her bc she's always a nasty bitch about anything you like.

--- it will make the situation worse but tbf she needs to hear it and needs to know you're not actually a boring doormat but that you just don't care about her opinion.

But then I find the only way me and my sister ever sorted things out was with a massive bust up followed by going for a pint. Make it worse to get better kind of thing.

She's horrible. Stop justifying yourself and tell her to fuck off.

She sounds like aright old cow. Sisters are either the best or the worst and sometimes both. Block her- that will learn her and then you can post what you want.