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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should nanny tidy up toys before going home

117 replies

treeliver · 18/04/2023 18:38

And in general during the day ? I had a nanny before and she kind of automatically did this...

However she did only look after 1 child. New nanny is looking after my two.

But I felt a bit miffed when I had welcomed her in this morning to quite a tidy house and obviously it got completely trashed and she just left, without lifting a finger.

I get that it gets messy, but the last 30 minutes she was just chatting to me anyway, whilst the older one was watching cartoons and younger one was just hanging out.

I don't know if she would have tried to tidy up, had I not come in and had a chat with her. Does it send mixed signals ?

She hasn't really tidied up much otherwise either to be honest. But I noticed it more today because I left the house especially tidy this morning for her.

Also, random question, but emptying the bin is not part of what the nanny should do right ? Previous one used to do it, if I hadn't got to it on the odd occasion ( maybe 3 times in a year ) she also used to occasionally hoover up after the my son, if he'd made a mess on the floor with play doh. Current nanny just leaves the play doh on the floor ( well she did today ) and didn't tell older child to tidy it away and close the pots. So basically the house was trashed and play doh everywhere.

I feel a bit miffed but perhaps it was caused by me being there for the last 30 minutes ? We were just catching up on the day and I started prepping dinner.

I'm not sure if it's me or her and how to say it to her in a nice way.

OP posts:
Botw1 · 18/04/2023 18:49

I wouldnt expect a nanny to let kids tash the house

I wouldnt.

What did you tell her were your expectations when you hired her. What's in the contract?

YoDood · 18/04/2023 18:50

Also she did empty the bins when needed. Basically just used her common sense.

alyceflowers · 18/04/2023 18:51

Normal for nanny to tidy up, but if you spent the last 30 minutes there and chatting then expectations were a bit blurred.

Just say to her, 'hi nanny, at the end of the day you can pop the kids in the playpen/in front of the TV for 30 minutes so you can put toys away and make sure there's nothing left out from lunch or craft activities.'

Original poster
treeliver · 18/04/2023 18:54

YoDood · 18/04/2023 18:50

Also she did empty the bins when needed. Basically just used her common sense.

Yeah i can live with her not doing that tbh. But she's not even doing the basics and we did specify all stuff to do with the kids.

OP posts:
dinkybella77 · 18/04/2023 18:57

You need to talk to her about your expectations and nip it in the bud. Your perspective of the situation is based on what your previous nanny did, but your new nanny's experience might be that she hasn't been expected to tidy in previous roles. It is a case of communication as you get to know one another. Every nanny will have different strengths, perhaps she is great with the children but a bit on the messy side.
I would be more worried if it were the other way around.
I would approach it that you would like the children to learn to be responsible from an early age and you want her to teach them how to tidy. If you don't show them what to do they will always expect adults to tidy up after them! There is a lot of learning in tidying- sorting, classifying , making decisions and developing a sense of responsibility. So you would like her to focus on this as part of your routine

HaggisBurger · 18/04/2023 18:57

Surely you’ve outlined this in her contract and at interview ? I always discussed the fact that nanny duties included tidying up the kids toys and anything she’d been doing with them, wiping down the kitchen after they’ve had their tea, stacking dishwasher and keeping their bedrooms tidy, drawers organised, laundry done etc. Only stuff directly related to the kids tho. They allowed time for that when the kids were napping and playing. It’s standard and I think I often mentioned at interview that I like quite a tidy house.

Like you, my house would be tidy at the start of the day and I’d expect it like that at the end.

I wouldn’t expect a nanny to empty bins etc. That’s a nanny housekeeper type thing.

GatherlyGal · 18/04/2023 19:00

TwilightSkies · 18/04/2023 18:39

So your kids trash the house and the nanny has to tidy it all up?

That made me laugh. Clearing up after children is a fairly standard nanny duty I believe.

Original poster
treeliver · 18/04/2023 19:02

HaggisBurger · 18/04/2023 18:57

Surely you’ve outlined this in her contract and at interview ? I always discussed the fact that nanny duties included tidying up the kids toys and anything she’d been doing with them, wiping down the kitchen after they’ve had their tea, stacking dishwasher and keeping their bedrooms tidy, drawers organised, laundry done etc. Only stuff directly related to the kids tho. They allowed time for that when the kids were napping and playing. It’s standard and I think I often mentioned at interview that I like quite a tidy house.

Like you, my house would be tidy at the start of the day and I’d expect it like that at the end.

I wouldn’t expect a nanny to empty bins etc. That’s a nanny housekeeper type thing.

Yes

OP posts:
melj1213 · 18/04/2023 19:08

TBF to her she may have earmarked the last 30 mins as time to tidy up but when you came in and started chatting she didn't think she could just walk away from her employer mid conversation. If it's a one off then I'd let it slide this time but be prepared to ask her directly to tidy up if it happens again.

I think if you had important things to talk about it would have been better to say "Since the kids are occupied, I'll let you finish tidying up the toys but if it isn't done by 5.20pm then it's fine to leave it, I'll finish it later, as I need to have a quick catch up with you before you leave at 5.30pm" but if it was just chit chat then I would have stayed out of the way until her finish time, or asked "Hey can you please tidy up the toys while I'm prepping dinner, it would be a real help for me not to have to do it later in the middle of dinner/bath/bed, thanks"

I have certain "close down" tasks at the end of my shifts to get done, but if my boss came to talk to me before I got to them then none of the tasks individually are important enough for me to say "Sorry boss I have to do XYZ instead of talking to you" and they all just take a few minutes but collectively if I don't get them done then either the person coming in to take over from me comes into disarray with things half finished/not put away as opposed to an organised handover, but if I can't stay late then unfortunately sometimes those jobs just don't get done.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/04/2023 19:09

Yes the nanny should make sure all tidy at end of day /maybe one activity still out

Perhaps you being there stopped her thought process esp if was chatting

Bins. No.

Used to drive me mad to get to work and bin totally full /pushed down

As then splits when try and pull out

whatapfaff · 18/04/2023 19:28

My experience of nannies (I was friends with several when my DC were small) is that they acted like SAHMs, only even more so, in that they had everything tidied up (with the DC assisting), floors mopped/swept, bins dealt with, shopping put away, etc and the DC fed and bathed and in their pyjamas. All the parents had to do was stories, cuddles and bed. I was always more than happy for my DC to go for after-school playdates with children who had nannies because I knew I wouldn't end up with over-excited, tearful children. That would be my expectation of a nanny. A lot of it is, as a pp says, common sense. You see a job that needs doing, and you do it.

Kanaloa · 18/04/2023 19:31

I wouldn’t expect a nanny to be emptying bins really, but I would expect them to be teaching the children to tidy up/keep toys neat. It may be if she is new she isn’t comfortable doing so, but she needs to be in charge of the children and ensuring they aren’t allowed to trash the house.

Kanaloa · 18/04/2023 19:32

whatapfaff · 18/04/2023 19:28

My experience of nannies (I was friends with several when my DC were small) is that they acted like SAHMs, only even more so, in that they had everything tidied up (with the DC assisting), floors mopped/swept, bins dealt with, shopping put away, etc and the DC fed and bathed and in their pyjamas. All the parents had to do was stories, cuddles and bed. I was always more than happy for my DC to go for after-school playdates with children who had nannies because I knew I wouldn't end up with over-excited, tearful children. That would be my expectation of a nanny. A lot of it is, as a pp says, common sense. You see a job that needs doing, and you do it.

This isn’t my experience of nannying (or most nanny job descriptions) at all. Nannies don’t generally do your housework and sort your shopping! They provide childcare and nursery duties. That means dealing with children’s laundry and cooking etc.

herlightmaterials · 18/04/2023 19:32

Yes I expected my nanny to leave things roughly as she found them unless of course it would have caused major upset to an ongoing game. You can't look after children and ignore the state of the house or you need a helper for that person too.

LittleMie · 18/04/2023 19:34

Surely both you and her should be teaching the older one to put toys away?

LisaD1 · 18/04/2023 19:34

Bud expect a nanny to clear up after the children and not leave my house messier than she found it. We only ever had one nanny and she was a god send. She would often do our laundry as well as our dd’s and many a time we walked into a dinner already made. None of that was expected but it was massively appreciated.

user1496146479 · 18/04/2023 19:34

TwilightSkies · 18/04/2023 18:39

So your kids trash the house and the nanny has to tidy it all up?

Well the nanny is supposed to be supervising the kids and not letting them trash the house!!

Cuwins · 18/04/2023 19:36

I have never had a nanny but I would assume that she would clear up the play doh/get the kids to help after the activity, clear up lunch at the end etc but I wouldn't mind about the toys not being cleared away if the kids were still up. I don't tidy my daughters toys up until she is in bed- she is only just 1 and if I tidy away before that then she loves taking them back out again! When she is older then I would think it will be part of the bedtime routine to tidy them up so again not before bed.
Definitely not bins though, made a quick hoover of a specific area if play doh/lunch has made a lot of mess on the floor or just dustpan and brush, but not general hoovering of living areas.

Yazo · 18/04/2023 19:37

Some people expect nannies to cook and clean, housekeepers really. So a straw poll not that helpful. I didn't keep my house tidy when I looked after my two kids, depends if you want happy kids, activities or a tidy house. Do you have too many toys? Most people looking after kids all day wait until they're in bed.

herlightmaterials · 18/04/2023 19:38

Perhaps you should say, "I realise I got in the way and distracted you yesterday when you were probably planning to use that time to tidy things up for the end of the day. My time with x once I'm home is so precious to me that I would be very grateful if a quick tidy could be done in future (unless x isn't well) and I promise not to distract you during your final half hour!"

whatapfaff · 18/04/2023 19:38

Kanaloa · 18/04/2023 19:32

This isn’t my experience of nannying (or most nanny job descriptions) at all. Nannies don’t generally do your housework and sort your shopping! They provide childcare and nursery duties. That means dealing with children’s laundry and cooking etc.

Show quote history

Oh well. It was my experience. I never read their job descriptions, obviously. The nannies were more or less part of the family, so they didn't distinguish between 'my jobs' and 'your jobs'. They did what needed doing, when it needed doing. Just as any half decent parent would have done. The one common theme was that they found their jobs a million times easier when the parents were out of the house - a parent working from home caused chaos!

herlightmaterials · 18/04/2023 19:39

Yazo · 18/04/2023 19:37

Some people expect nannies to cook and clean, housekeepers really. So a straw poll not that helpful. I didn't keep my house tidy when I looked after my two kids, depends if you want happy kids, activities or a tidy house. Do you have too many toys? Most people looking after kids all day wait until they're in bed.

I don't think so...I had one clever nanny who did all the washing and cleaning and somehow our child adored her. She said she'd be bored otherwise.

Kanaloa · 18/04/2023 19:40

whatapfaff · 18/04/2023 19:38

Oh well. It was my experience. I never read their job descriptions, obviously. The nannies were more or less part of the family, so they didn't distinguish between 'my jobs' and 'your jobs'. They did what needed doing, when it needed doing. Just as any half decent parent would have done. The one common theme was that they found their jobs a million times easier when the parents were out of the house - a parent working from home caused chaos!

Show quote history

It doesn’t really work that way. It isn’t a ‘half decent parent’ issue, it’s a job role issue! And you’re not part of the family, you’re an employee. It helps to have good boundaries.

GoodChat · 18/04/2023 19:40

She should be tidying up any mess the children make in her care.

herlightmaterials · 18/04/2023 19:43

Norland nannies definitely don't leave a mess behind them...