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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House dilemma

59 replies

Totallyanonymousplease · 17/04/2023 16:37

Would love opinions on WWYD in this situation...

Currently in a very nice, small house in a part of a city I love. It's the kind of place where the neighbours all know each other and when you walk down the street you see people you know and say hello to them. House is small for 2 adults and 2 DC but we really love it here and location is perfect - near an outstanding primary school where DC is at, woods and park nearby. I have lots of very good friends all within 5 minute walk, we go out locally a lot. My DPs are 45 mins away and help a lot with the DCs, despite not being that near. The area is the first place I have felt like home and my commute to work is 40 mins.

New house - it's a "dream house" - a really special property that probably wont come on the market again. Its immediate location is just beautiful and it backs onto a river... however it's out of the city in a small town which is OK but a bit meh. It would be 1.5 hours away from my parents (and only 20 minutes from DH's family and some of his old friends). and over an hour commute to work. DC would have to go to a new school (oldest is in year 2) - the new school seems to be good (Ofsted outstanding). My husband works shifts a lot so petty much all of the evening childcare is down to me which would be harder with a longer commute. I'm also worried about leaving behind the amazing support network I have where I currently am with all my friends and having to start again in the new town.

My parents would be very sad to see me move further away and I would be sad to move away from them too... but they would probably make their sadness very known! And I would be sad that the DC wouldn't see them as much - they see each other most weeks at the moment. But the house really is a once in a lifetime type property. The kids could have a boat!

WWYD???

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2023 16:40

Given everything you've told us, I would not move at this point in your lives.

zombiecupcakes · 17/04/2023 16:41

Can you find a bigger house in the area you live in now?

I wouldn’t give up all you describe just to live by a river!

thelinkisdead · 17/04/2023 16:41

I wouldn’t. Location, location, location I’m afraid!! I’d rather live in a smaller house in the best area than a larger / better house in somewhere less than ideal. Your house should enable your lifestyle, not hinder it!

OhmygodDont · 17/04/2023 16:41

I’d move to the dream house. But I also last year moved to the other side of the city too.

5 minutes from my mother, shops really close etc but it was a small 3 bed tiny tiny garden. Thought the children where in great schools.

Now an hour on public transport from mum and mil thank god 😅. Semi with land the children are now outside so much. Turns out the new schools make the old ones look like poop even though I used to think there where great. Massive fields and play part right off the land too.

Id always go for the house with more space/land.

TheNoodlesIncident · 17/04/2023 16:42

I would either stay put (and extend house if possible and if needed) or move locally to a bigger house. I would not want to lose that support network just for a house, especially if there's no pressing reason to move from the one you're in.

StopFeckingFaffing · 17/04/2023 16:45

I would stay put

The house may be wonderful but the location is clearly wrong so not sure why you would even consider it

TheBugWife · 17/04/2023 16:46

A river in the back garden with young children just sounds awful to me.

Stay put and extend.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2023 16:48

A river in the back garden with young children just sounds awful to me.

I agree, nevermind the possibility of flooding. Honestly, who cares about having a boat?

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 17/04/2023 16:48

There's no way I'd buy a house by a river. Focus less on the idyllic setting and more on the flood risk

DisforDarkChocolate · 17/04/2023 16:48

No way would I move to a place the commute was over an hour each way.

Where you are sounds special in so many ways, why on earth would you move?

riotlady · 17/04/2023 16:49

I would stay put. Your current location seems like it contributes more to a nice lifestyle than more space/a river would

5128gap · 17/04/2023 16:49

I'd stay where you are. There is no point in living in a beautiful house if you reduce your family contact, increase your commute, find it harder to see your friends and lose your support. It sounds like a very poor lifestyle compared to what you currently have. So while it might be a very nice house, theres far too many downsides to make it your dream house. There is also so much more to life than a nice looking house, and you have most of it already.

Nordicrain · 17/04/2023 16:50

I wouldn't move to anywhere that required me to commute for an hour. Not with small kids.

Leftphalange100 · 17/04/2023 16:51

I would also stay

Mimosa08 · 17/04/2023 16:51

Stay

Trickedbyadoughnut · 17/04/2023 16:51

I really wouldn't in your case. It sounds like your overall lifestyle would be much poorer - further from friends and family for you and your DC and increased commuting times (with the resulting tiredness).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/04/2023 16:52

I'd stay put.

notagain2020 · 17/04/2023 16:52

zombiecupcakes · 17/04/2023 16:41

Can you find a bigger house in the area you live in now?

I wouldn’t give up all you describe just to live by a river!

A river is not a safe option with children and have you considered flooding risk?

ActDottie · 17/04/2023 16:56

I would never buy a house that backs onto a river!

AntiHop · 17/04/2023 16:56

I'd stay put from what you've said

3BSHKATS · 17/04/2023 16:58

Stay put, we moved to the Nw to make life easier for ex's job and his commute at the expense of parental support, town centre location, friends etc
Regretted it the moment we got there but of course were priced out of the area within six months so no going back. I would make it work where you are.
I also justified to myself and others told me kids make friends where ever they go etc. Mine are so sad they don't know people from primary school and didn't stay.

5128gap · 17/04/2023 17:02

Regardless of any opinions on here OP, read your own post! It's hardly a balanced list of pros and cons, is it? Your desire to stay where you are couldn't be more evident. Consider it validated!🙂

RhymingGuitars · 17/04/2023 17:09

Having lived in a house very close to a river )a field between my back garden and the river), I'd say think carefully.

Flooding is a real concern - it's awful. You may lack privacy if there is an established path/fishing rights along the river - people, dogs, anglers, angling competitions etc. If you're not fenced off people wander onto your garden. And if you do fence, you lose a lovely view.

The idea of kids and a boat is a bit of a far fetched dream of a storybook childhood. With the state of UK rivers I'd be worried about what they might catch when they capsize!

But, if it's your dream home nothing random strangers say will deter you. At worst you could always sell up if it turns out not to the idyll you imagine.

Happyhappyday · 17/04/2023 17:10

I would not take a longer commute. That has been the biggest quality of life improver for me, having a short commute.

Zonder · 17/04/2023 17:13

You have a nice life. Why would you move somewhere that will worsen your quality of life just for a house? Look for a bigger house where you can continue your life.