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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House dilemma

59 replies

Totallyanonymousplease · 17/04/2023 16:37

Would love opinions on WWYD in this situation...

Currently in a very nice, small house in a part of a city I love. It's the kind of place where the neighbours all know each other and when you walk down the street you see people you know and say hello to them. House is small for 2 adults and 2 DC but we really love it here and location is perfect - near an outstanding primary school where DC is at, woods and park nearby. I have lots of very good friends all within 5 minute walk, we go out locally a lot. My DPs are 45 mins away and help a lot with the DCs, despite not being that near. The area is the first place I have felt like home and my commute to work is 40 mins.

New house - it's a "dream house" - a really special property that probably wont come on the market again. Its immediate location is just beautiful and it backs onto a river... however it's out of the city in a small town which is OK but a bit meh. It would be 1.5 hours away from my parents (and only 20 minutes from DH's family and some of his old friends). and over an hour commute to work. DC would have to go to a new school (oldest is in year 2) - the new school seems to be good (Ofsted outstanding). My husband works shifts a lot so petty much all of the evening childcare is down to me which would be harder with a longer commute. I'm also worried about leaving behind the amazing support network I have where I currently am with all my friends and having to start again in the new town.

My parents would be very sad to see me move further away and I would be sad to move away from them too... but they would probably make their sadness very known! And I would be sad that the DC wouldn't see them as much - they see each other most weeks at the moment. But the house really is a once in a lifetime type property. The kids could have a boat!

WWYD???

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/04/2023 17:14

I wouldn't move.

Nice house but compromise on absolutely everything else? No way.

Bhyr358 · 17/04/2023 17:15

I'd be wary of buying a house next to a river. We had problems with flooding when we had a gentle stream at the bottom of the garden. Once or twice a year it became a raging torrent!

Brightredtulips · 17/04/2023 17:15

I would never buy a house that backs onto a river. Looks pretty but a real danger of flooding, rats masses of midges,

SoosanCarter · 17/04/2023 17:16

River= rats

Brightredtulips · 17/04/2023 17:16

...and risks to your children

Nik2015 · 17/04/2023 17:18

Does the river flood?

I wouldn’t move at present.

Mephisneon · 17/04/2023 17:19

Quality of life is about so many things and it depends what you value. I value all the things you have in your current location. So I wouldn't move. But people have different values and needs. So only you know...

But I would question if you talk so happily about your current home and location if your priority is the dream house? Also is there a middle ground? Could you extend or get a shed/summer house?

Original poster
Totallyanonymousplease · 17/04/2023 17:21

5128gap · 17/04/2023 17:02

Regardless of any opinions on here OP, read your own post! It's hardly a balanced list of pros and cons, is it? Your desire to stay where you are couldn't be more evident. Consider it validated!🙂

Haha actually I think you’re spot on! Thank you for the wisdom!

OP posts:
Easterbunnywashere · 17/04/2023 17:22

Don't move, I think you would regret it.

Nanny0gg · 17/04/2023 17:25

Totallyanonymousplease · 17/04/2023 16:37

Would love opinions on WWYD in this situation...

Currently in a very nice, small house in a part of a city I love. It's the kind of place where the neighbours all know each other and when you walk down the street you see people you know and say hello to them. House is small for 2 adults and 2 DC but we really love it here and location is perfect - near an outstanding primary school where DC is at, woods and park nearby. I have lots of very good friends all within 5 minute walk, we go out locally a lot. My DPs are 45 mins away and help a lot with the DCs, despite not being that near. The area is the first place I have felt like home and my commute to work is 40 mins.

New house - it's a "dream house" - a really special property that probably wont come on the market again. Its immediate location is just beautiful and it backs onto a river... however it's out of the city in a small town which is OK but a bit meh. It would be 1.5 hours away from my parents (and only 20 minutes from DH's family and some of his old friends). and over an hour commute to work. DC would have to go to a new school (oldest is in year 2) - the new school seems to be good (Ofsted outstanding). My husband works shifts a lot so petty much all of the evening childcare is down to me which would be harder with a longer commute. I'm also worried about leaving behind the amazing support network I have where I currently am with all my friends and having to start again in the new town.

My parents would be very sad to see me move further away and I would be sad to move away from them too... but they would probably make their sadness very known! And I would be sad that the DC wouldn't see them as much - they see each other most weeks at the moment. But the house really is a once in a lifetime type property. The kids could have a boat!

WWYD???

Stay put.

You'll miss all that if you move

Original poster
Totallyanonymousplease · 17/04/2023 17:26

Thanks for all the comments! Especially the ones talking about the reality of backing on to a river… definitely been thinking more about the idyl and less about the flood risk.

the town is a lot cheaper than where we live now but yes it could be an option to size up where we are. My DH is more keen than me as he would be nearer his family and some of his friends (he does probably have fewer good friends where we live).

i do definitely have the idea of a ‘dream house’ but maybe as people have said it’s better to concentrate on all the great things we have already!

OP posts:
turtlemurtle1982 · 17/04/2023 17:29

Your current set up sounds idyllic! Can you do a loft conversion/ extend some other way?

redspottedmug · 17/04/2023 17:30

www.gov.uk/check-long-term-flood-risk

Put the postcode in here, then congratulate yourself on dodging (a very damp) bullet.

belikejeff · 17/04/2023 17:37

I'd stay put.

Location first, house second. I've done it the other way round and been miserable. Maybe wait for something to come up where you are.

Sabretoothedgerbil · 17/04/2023 17:38

No way. Stay where you are and look for a bigger house much nearer. No way would I give up friends and family for a boat. Aside from that, a river and small children sends shivers down my spine.

Grimbelina · 17/04/2023 17:42

You haven't mentioned secondary school. Unless there was an outstanding one near the new house, I really wouldn't consider it as it sounds like you have too much to use. I say this as someone who moved away to the 'dream house' - which is lovely - but misses the many positives of where I used to live (and which I now know I took for granted!). The perfect house isn't perfect without the local friendships, being near engaged grandparents etc.

Awrite · 17/04/2023 17:44

Like most of the previous posters, I wouldn't want to live next to a river. I certainly wouldn't want a longer commute.

If your parents are helpful, being nearer them makes sense.

MelchiorsMistress · 17/04/2023 17:53

I’d stay where you already know you can be happy.

Saschka · 17/04/2023 17:55

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 17/04/2023 16:48

There's no way I'd buy a house by a river. Focus less on the idyllic setting and more on the flood risk

Yep, you couldn’t pay me to live in a house backing into a river.

Mischance · 17/04/2023 18:00

Stay put.

What has led to this? Were you actively looking for a bigger property or did you happen to see it?

I live in a village that is inconvenient in many ways as the nearest town and surgery are a distance away, and the house is small. But, as a widow, I am surrounded by good kind people, lots of local activities and would not want to be anywhere else - it is the people who count. Your people - friends, family, children's schools and friends - are around you. That counts for more than anything else - community over a bigger house.

DumDeeDoh · 17/04/2023 18:04

I wouldnt move. The daily commute alone is adding 10 hours away from family, not to mind losing your support

JudgeRudy · 17/04/2023 18:04

I'm curious how this potential new house came on the radar. Were you thinking of moving anyway and stumbled upon this wildcard? It ticks all your boxes and is a great price and your OH loves it?

The GP stuff...I think that even though it's further away it should be doable to maintain a relationship with them. Kids adapt pretty readily. I mean on the face of it I wouldn't want to be with someone working such unsociable hours but you adapt.
It's an ideal time to move and a great school and environment for children to grow up in but I understand your reluctance. I guess the question you and your husband need to discuss is will it EVER be the a right time to move from what you know and love? If the kids were 10 or teens I think yd still want to be near your friends.
It's a difficult one to answer as essentially you don't want to move for you, not the family however if you're miserable your family will be too.
Once your more than 30mins away from someone you tend not to 'pop in' or 'bump into' in the same way. So 1hr or 3hrs, you need to plan in advance and that effects the dynamics, but you both work (shifts too) so I'd have thought you're not particularly spontaneous.

I can't answer this for you but I do think you want to stay because you're scared. It won't get easier as your family get older, you'll be more stuck in your ways. If you don't move now I think you need to be OK with saying you want to stay in your home town forever.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 17/04/2023 18:05

I would stay put as well. We would like to move with DC2 on the way but we just love this house and our neighbours. We are roughly between both sets of parents at with DCs being small that I'd more important at the moment. Sounds similar to your situation x

Blondewithredlips · 17/04/2023 18:07

Careful of river and flood/drowning risk. Can you do a loft conversion?

JudgeRudy · 17/04/2023 18:13

Just wanted to highlight the obvious but there are more than 2 houses to choose from. If there's another suitable home nearby but a bit more expensive, consider what that would be per day. I changed job for a better paid one that I didn't enjoy. Every day at around 4pm I'd ask if I would pay £10 to be able to just go home. I earned £5k more which was around £100/week but after tax, pension, student loan it was nearer 60 then take off a bit of petrol for longer commute...so about £10 a day. I'd have paid that for my old life back.
Conversely if there's a suitable house £20k more, how much is that per day to have your friends and family close.