House dilemma

[Totallyanonymousplease]

Would love opinions on WWYD in this situation...

Currently in a very nice, small house in a part of a city I love. It's the kind of place where the neighbours all know each other and when you walk down the street you see people you know and say hello to them. House is small for 2 adults and 2 DC but we really love it here and location is perfect - near an outstanding primary school where DC is at, woods and park nearby. I have lots of very good friends all within 5 minute walk, we go out locally a lot. My DPs are 45 mins away and help a lot with the DCs, despite not being that near. The area is the first place I have felt like home and my commute to work is 40 mins.

New house - it's a "dream house" - a really special property that probably wont come on the market again. Its immediate location is just beautiful and it backs onto a river... however it's out of the city in a small town which is OK but a bit meh. It would be 1.5 hours away from my parents (and only 20 minutes from DH's family and some of his old friends). and over an hour commute to work. DC would have to go to a new school (oldest is in year 2) - the new school seems to be good (Ofsted outstanding). My husband works shifts a lot so petty much all of the evening childcare is down to me which would be harder with a longer commute. I'm also worried about leaving behind the amazing support network I have where I currently am with all my friends and having to start again in the new town.

My parents would be very sad to see me move further away and I would be sad to move away from them too... but they would probably make their sadness very known! And I would be sad that the DC wouldn't see them as much - they see each other most weeks at the moment. But the house really is a once in a lifetime type property. The kids could have a boat!

WWYD???

no bricks and mortar is a once in a life time opportunity and its not perfect as so far away from everything you'll end up stressed ut from mass travelling and being in the car

I think living somewhere where you feel you belong, have local friends and just feel part of the community is like gold dust. I wouldn’t give that up for a river and a boat. Of course you could maybe build that network up again somewhere new, but it’s always a gamble. I think it’s easy to idealise things, the lovely image of the kids messing about on the water etc, and as an addition to an already great life it could be wonderful, but it sounds like you’re swapping out all the truly important stuff, and I don’t think it would be worth it.

All really interesting comments… for the poster that says maybe I don’t want to move away because I’m afraid - yes there is probably part of that. Given I do so much of the after school pick ups I feel that I’ve finally made it work here but only because of the network I’ve got. If I’m stuck I have lots of people who will take my DC for a play date until I come home from work and my parents will also come and get him from school if other arrangements fall through. The idea of trying to set that all up again is scary. My DH doesn’t really see it as he doesn’t have to do it! He just comes back from work and everyone is fed and happy and homework has been done (but that’s a whole other thread!!)

and yes we are actively looking to move and we’re discussing what it would take to move out of the city to the ‘countryside’ and found this place… but maybe it’s making me realise that it’s not what I want.

The new house sounds amazing. I grew up in what sounds similar setting. House backing on to brook (so smaller than a river which may change things) and woodlands. Spent sooo much time playing by the brook and in the woods with my friends. No rats and lovely clean water =) Right to roam so we were allowed to go everywhere. We learnt how to care and look after nature. Tracking deer prints in the wood, climbing trees. Laying on our tummies catching water bugs. The best memories.. Would be nice for your OH to be nearer his parents and friends. You don't say how far away you are from your OH's DP's at the current house.
But, an hours commute for you is obviously less good than 40 min,you don't mention if a move would affect your OH's commute. If it is prone to flooding or fast moving obv would be a problem so worth finding out. And river rats sound horrible.
I wish my children could have had my life style growing up but at the moment that is not possible sadly. Your set up in your old town sounds lovely too even if a bit squeezed in. If you are not 100% then I would stay where you are.

Since your dh works shifts you would be stuck out in a strange place with no friends around. Your set up now sounds like you are very relaxed while dh is on shift as in a familiar area with support around. Do not move.

https://www.gov.uk/check-long-term-flood-risk

put the properties post code in to see if it is projected to be under water in 10 years time.

What’s so amazing about the dream house? I know you can have a boat, but the fact you’ve said the town is meh is NOT a selling factor!

If it was me, I’d not move. This network you have and your parents nearby absolutely ensures you can cope with your life! Unfortunately it means your DH is clueless.
Questions for him - if you had a longer commute, add extra time for unknown traffic. Is he doing breakfast/school run? Who’s collecting DC as you don’t know any parents to help out and you can’t get into afterschool club or any sports clubs after school. Your parents are no longer nearby if they’re ill etc etc

I would suggest an idyllic childhood is where your mum doesn’t have a breakdown (I couldn’t cope with 1- no network and 2- constant supervision of the river)

I have two adult children who live in two very different cities.
Both would love a rural idyll but both know that the idyll would come at a huge cost later in life because both have partners who lived in the idyll and would never go back again.

A riverside setting comes with some extreme risks.

I agree that you should stay. We did a similar thing and it was a mistake. You don't always find such special friends again. Just visit the river at weekends!