Was my OH rude or am I being too sensitive?

[MissisK]

My OH normally cooks. He’s so fussy with food and after several failed attempts to cook for him early in our relationship, I just let him cook. I don’t really enjoy cooking so not something I miss. I do cook for me and the kids sometimes and happy to cook if needed.

He has an injury and not feeling great so I cooked tonight. The rice was a bit sticky to be honest. He took one look at the meal, looked disgusted and said ‘that’s disgusting’. Then went upstairs leaving the food on the side. The kids said it was nice!

AIBU about his reaction or am I being over sensitive to think this was really rude? I’m feeling a bit fed up with him being rude and intolerant to me. This just finished me off today.

He sounds like an immature, spoiled brat.

I’m not sure what makes some people start taking their partners so for granted that they forget basic manners, but I find it repellent.

He could have tried to eat the curry, just not the rice. Or he could have just worded it politely and said thank you. Maybe? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My MIL once cooked a meal for me that I couldn’t eat. I was polite, explained why and said thank you, because she had made an effort and didn’t deliberately cook me a meal that I couldn’t eat. It’s called manners.

He said that in front of the kids? Either way so ridiculous, he could have just stated his preference without being so rude!! Also what is wrong with sticky rice... after I make basmati I put the drained rice back into the pan and cook for few mins, as my DH prefers fluffy/sticky rice. Do you ever call his cooking disgusting?

He’s a rude arsehole. I overcooked the rice the other week. I apologised to DS that it was a bit overdone and he didn’t much care, just ate it anyway. Overcooked rice is a bit grim but hardly toxic. Your partner on the other hand does sound toxic.

Do you really want to be with someone like that? Life is too short

If my DP had behaved like that he would be wearing the bloody Curry 🤬

Not the point of the thread, but I have a perfect every time method for cooking rice. This is enough for 4 people:

Take 2 teacups full of rice (don’t rinse the rice, just straight from the packet) and put in a saucepan that has a clear, tight-fitting lid. Add 3 teacups of cold water. Don’t stir. Put lid on and bring to the boil on high heat. Once it starts boiling and the water turns frothy, turn heat down to a simmer. After 10 mins the water will be fully absorbed. Turn the heat off. Leave to rest for a further 10 mins. Then fluff with silicone spatula. The most important bit: NEVER NEVER NEVER take the lid off from start to finish. Not even a little bit.

Perfect rice every time.

I completely get what you mean. I agree that he was rude and it’s childlike to just stomp off as if he’s having a tantrum.

The reason I asked is because my kid’s dad isn’t a great cook, at all. I can imagine him cooking a meal, I sit down to eat it and say ‘God that’s awful’ and we just have a bit of a laugh about it. So I just wondered whether you were offended over the fact that he just didn’t eat it or because of what he said.

Having a look at your update though, it seems that there are bigger issues at play here

Fair enough. I would have also said something but that’s just me

OPs further posts posts are telling us she’s in a bad relationship.... and people are telling us how to cook rice. Fucking hell.

Totally unacceptable, particularly in front of your children too. What kind of example is this setting them?
For reference, I am generally an ok cook but on the few occasions I have produced something less palatable, my DH has been nothing but polite about it. I cooked something a few months ago and honestly, it really didn't look great, but my DH and DD (5) were so lovely about it and stoically ate it anyway, whilst thanking me for my effort. It isn't hard to show basic courtesy and good manners. You really need to stamp on this before your children see his behaviour as normal or acceptable.

The only acceptable response when anyone cooks a meal for you is “thank you, that looks lovely”. But you sound like a nice person so you probably know that already. You are not being too sensitive.

My DP and I have the sort of relationship where if one of us doesn't like it, the other isn't offended if we say so.

I generally wait for him to say 'mm, this isn't great is it?' or 'this is fucking AWFUL, sorry' (as it is usually him cooking, though its usually a recipe I found and told him how to do), and he does the same when I used to cook (and presumably will when I can again).

Not everyones like that, but even between us, we would never behave as the OP's partner has, that is just nasty.

Very rude! And if he voiced his opinion in front of the children, very poor parenting too. Don't cook for him again, if you need to make a meal for you and the kids then do so. He can sort himself out.

For the future measure your rice using a cup, then add double the water. 1 cup rice, 2 cups water. Cover and cook until the water is all absorbed. But make sure you cook a little longer and add a little extra for your rude husband's rice.

I’ve read an almost identical post a few months back. It was a stir fry I think but same issues otherwise…

They are respodning to the "I can't cook rice posters"

They’re missing a huge issue on the thread, it comes across as insensitive.
Like ‘cook your rice like this and keep your partner from behaving like a rude prick’. Ffs. The rice isn’t the issue.

Exactly. My mum would have ‘tanned my backside’ if I’d behaved like that.

He's a pathetic big baby. He can go hungry.

This ^^ is what I posted last night @ToParadise, and I still stand by that. He sounds insufferable and abusive. Maybe I should have tagged the posters who said they couldn't cook rice.

Very rude.

DP is the cook in our house, his food is brilliant and he enjoys it. I help out in the kitchen if we're doing a big cook but apart from about three dishes, on my own I'm a crap cook and I hate the process. When he was injured and I had to cook it was certainly substandard compared to what he produces and we both knew it, but he said thanks anyway and we had a laugh about it.

Re: rice, I find it's very very hard to make perfectly fluffy, amazing rice. But not too hard to just make it acceptable, even I can do that. When a non-cook is responsible, your expectations should be no higher than "acceptable"!

If someone cooked me dinner, especially if I was feeling a bit crap), I would eat it as though it was the most delicious thing I had ever eaten. Even if it wasnt, I would never say so and I would never ungratefully leave it untouched. How horrible.

PS - overcooked rice beats my grandma's crunchy undercooked variety every day of the week.

I would be packing his bag quite frankly. He doesn't sound like a great person at all. Even if he felt unwell his general behavior is horrid. Are you constantly smoothing his ruffled feathers? Trying to keep him in a good mood? If so, it's not worth it. You should not be in that situation, life is too short for that.

Sounds like a person who'll never agree you did something good. Next time he needs a meal prepared for him make him a sandwich.