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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to sack the cleaner

67 replies

Madmanc · 16/04/2023 18:14

We have a lady who comes in for 1.5 hours on a Friday to clean the bathrooms & the kitchen. We pay her well and she doesn’t have to tidy anything away as we are tidy people.
My 16 yo DS was home on Friday when she came & said he saw her take some of our books out of her shopping bag & put them back onto our bookshelves. I was quite shocked by this but my husband (who is a very laid back guy) said he didn’t think it was worth mentioning it as we’re happy with her cleaning & there’s no harm done?
I did text her & said was my DS right & had she put some books back on the shelves she replied oh yeah, I borrow some now & again for my husband who loves reading & I knew you wouldn’t mind!
I know she’s returned the books but AIBU to think she should have asked me first? I’m a little concerned now that she may take something else?
She’s also started to bring a flask of tea with her & a sandwich to eat after she’s cleaned, she said she likes to sit at our dining table & enjoy the view of the garden 🤷‍♀️ She might ask to bring her grandchildren round next to play in our garden lol.
I personally think she’s a bit cheeky.

OP posts:
Flowerblooms · 16/04/2023 18:21

She definitely should have asked first to borrow the books.
Not sure how I would feel about eating her lunch after, I don’t think it would bother me to be honest and she is bringing her own food/drink and not eating yours, I guess as long as she has done the cleaning in the 1.5 hours and then using her own time to eat her lunch then it’s oK🤷🏼‍♀️

Has she been your cleaner for a while? She sounds like she sees you more as friends and not just an employer?

Kanaloa · 16/04/2023 18:24

She should have asked before borrowing your belongings - that’s not appropriate. Even if she ‘knew you wouldn’t mind’ (which isn’t true because how could she know) it’s still not appropriate to decide she can borrow things. It would make me uncomfortable because I’d wonder what else she ‘knows you won’t mind’ her doing or taking.

Eating her lunch wouldn’t bother me. She’s bringing it with her, not eating your food, and is only eating it once she’s finished work, why is it an issue?

Kanaloa · 16/04/2023 18:25

Just to add I probably would not mind her borrowing books. But I would want to be asked. Some of my books are very sentimental and I don’t lend out. Others I would maybe just want to know. Either way I prefer to be asked before anyone borrows anything from me.

MatildaTheCat · 16/04/2023 18:26

She’s crossing boundaries. I once had a pair of sisters who cleaned together. One day I came back and they were on my sofa with the tv on eating their lunch. Not ok with me especially when they started bring a child on a regular basis. A child I had to watch became he teased my dog.

You have to decide if you accept these things but be warned, next you’ll find she’s wearing your jumper because she was a bit chilly or something similar.

drpet49 · 16/04/2023 18:34

I couldn’t trust her again. She didn’t even have the common decency to ask you and then she tries to brush it off when you confronted her. Not trustworthy at all.

PollyAmour · 16/04/2023 18:37

How bizarre. She shouldn't be using your house as her own personal library! Nor should she be using it as a picnic area. Tell her she's there to clean, not to choose books for her husband, nor to eat lunch.

fruitbrewhaha · 16/04/2023 18:39

But you do mind. I would too. You’re not a library. And the lunch thing is just odd. It’s difficult because it feels tight to say someone can’t borrow a book or sit at your table but she is there to clean not help herself to your possessions. If you saw her eating lunch in her car and said she was welcome to sit in your garden or at the table fair enough but she hasn’t waited. Is she a good cleaner?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 16/04/2023 18:41

While I don't have a cleaner we do have some at work who I employ. No problem with them bringing their kids with them, or even their start times as long as the building gets cleaned to the right standards. But if they started borrowing stuff without discussing it first I would be cross. It's a workplace and it's not okay to do that.

Minfilia · 16/04/2023 18:42

She’s taking the piss and treating it like her own personal house!

honestly I’d get rid. I’d have zero trust in her whatsoever.

StrawberryWater · 16/04/2023 18:42

I’d get rid of her as she’s nuked all the trust.

She ‘borrowed’ items, took them out of your home without permission, without checking if was ok to do so.

I wouldn’t be able to get over wondering what else she ‘borrows’.

Nevermind31 · 16/04/2023 18:44

She would have to go. You don’t borrow my stuff without asking.
o also like my cleaner out of the house once she is done and have it back to myself, so I wouldn’t be keen on her playing house in my house

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 16/04/2023 18:45

As much as I encourage reading, I don't think that's appropriate to take them without asking. She could of just sent you a text and asked however she was honest so... it's a tough one. I wouldn't sack her but I'd keep an eye on it.

zurala · 16/04/2023 18:46

It's not ok. She wouldn't borrow jewellery would she, so why books? And staying to eat her lunch isn't ok either, she should do that in her car or elsewhere.
Unfortunately she will think yabu so you will need to just find a new cleaner rather than talk to her.

iaapap · 16/04/2023 18:46

Had she asked to borrow the books, you would likely have agreed and there would be no problem. But she did not ask and therefore a major boundary was overstepped. What’s she going to borrow next? Jewellery? Clothing? Tech?

”i knew you wouldn’t mind” is a typical cheeky fucker brazen response. It sounds plausible enough but in fact, it is the sort of response that bats away or minimises any hint of wrongdoing.

I wouldn’t have her back.

Inthesamesinkingboat · 16/04/2023 18:50

I’d get rid. I would bet she’s eating her lunch on your time as well.

Original poster
Madmanc · 16/04/2023 18:50

The only issue I have with her eating her lunch at the table is that again this isn’t something she asked to do. I suppose I feel as though she is treating my house like her own home instead of as an employee? Surely the polite thing to do would be to ask first instead of assuming.
Our previous cleaner who had to finish work as her husband became ill would never have done this.

OP posts:
UncomfortableSofa · 16/04/2023 18:55

When you see her, ask her if there had been anything else she has been borrowing without asking. Hopefully that would shame her into acting more professionally.

But really, I would let her go. It's so personal having someone all over your house and you need to be able to trust them.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/04/2023 18:55

She should definitely have asked about the books - and I guess eating her lunch there.
IIf she is travelling from one client to another, would the alternative be to sit on a park bench between clients, whatever the weather? I personally wouldn't v=be bothered by her making a tea or coffee,
I guess that the issue is that by not asking, she's breached your trust.

CheshireCats · 16/04/2023 18:55

It's totally inappropriate in my opinion. Both the "borrowing " (surely taking without permission is stealing?) and the sitting at your table enjoying your home in non working time. I would not have her back in my home. The trust is gone.

Original poster
Madmanc · 16/04/2023 18:56

She’s only been working for me for 4 weeks so no real reason for her to see me as a friend. I’m working from home next Friday so we’ll see how it goes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Madmanc · 16/04/2023 18:58

Yes, this is what concerns me!

OP posts:
ShagratandGorbag4ever · 16/04/2023 19:16

CheshireCats · 16/04/2023 18:55

It's totally inappropriate in my opinion. Both the "borrowing " (surely taking without permission is stealing?) and the sitting at your table enjoying your home in non working time. I would not have her back in my home. The trust is gone.

Taking without permission is stealing if, and only if, you don't intend to give the thing back.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 16/04/2023 19:19

She should have asked before borrowing the books, but I could not begrudge anyone a view. If these are the worst things she does and she is good at her job, I would indulge her. Good cleaners are not easy to find.

RocketIceLollie · 16/04/2023 19:21

The books thing sounds a bit odd and would straight away ring alarm bells to me if she was casually taking personal possessions out of your home.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 16/04/2023 19:28

Madmanc · 16/04/2023 18:56

She’s only been working for me for 4 weeks so no real reason for her to see me as a friend. I’m working from home next Friday so we’ll see how it goes.

4 weeks??? I’m absolutely desperate for a cleaner and would tolerate a fair bit but I think her behaviour is completely unacceptable. She’s taken your things without asking and makes herself at home, also without asking after only 4 weeks. This is only going to get worse. In the future you may well find her helping herself to your clothing or jewellery in a few weeks as ‘I knew you wouldn’t mind’. I don’t think you can trust her to understand appropriate boundaries and I would get rid asap.