Car flipped - I can't get over it!

[elly213]

I had an accident last week. Car completely flipped over. By some miracle I managed to climb out of car with a few cuts, seat belt mark and bruises. I am lucky that I am able to see another day and didn't hurt anyone else. I can't get over the accident, I remember vividly turning, things in car flying and side windows all smashing with each hit on the ground. I don't know how it happened. I get flashbacks about it and get tearful every time I see DC (4) thinking what could have happened.

Today when speaking to not so DH, he said oh nothing happened, you need to get over it (after I mentioned how good it feels to see another day). I just wanted to know, AIBU for being 'dramatic' when I have no serious injuries.

AIBU - You are dramatic.
YANBU - The car flipping is enough to feel shaken and not ok one week down.

YA definitely NBU! That must have been terrifying.

I would imagine it was VERY traumatic & will need time to work through. Your DH might be clumsily trying to make you feel better.. hugs. xx

Definitely not unreasonable. That's sounds so frightening - regardless whether you were seriously hurt or not.

Your DH is being very thoughtless and dismissive.

I hope you can get some counselling to support you though your emotions.

That’s bloody scary and I think I would still be thinking about it in years to come!!

My car was written off by another car on the M25. DH and I walked away without a scratch.

I became incredibly angry for about a week - and I don't do angry - perhaps because the other driver was never caught.

But it's a major thing and you must have been terrified. I don't think you are overreacting at all and your DH is being a bit of a dick.

That sounds like what my DH would say, trying to be helpful 🤭 but yes YANBU to be upset by this terrifying experience.

You could legitimately have PTSD

Yanbu!!!

I have also been in a horrific car crash where my car rolled several times like you describe. Cos of the impact I was badly hurt and had to be cut out

as the car was rolling even all these years later I vividly remember thinking “this is it I am going to die!”

yanbu op please be gentle with youself

What you have experienced is literal psychological trauma. Your DH is BU.

Please be kind to yourself and seek out support.

It took me about a month for most of the shock to wear off after being in a car accident, flashbacks are caused because you haven't properly processed the incident from your short term memory and filed it into long term because of the adrenaline running through your body, its acute post traumatic stress - it's relatively short lived and you should feel a lot better in a few weeks.

Sounds like PTSD.

Yanbu to feel the way you do, but it might help you to know that walking away with cuts and bruises is the most likely outcome of flipping a car - it happens a lot, so your thoughts of living to see another day are a bit too dramatic. Obviously for some unfortunate people the outcomes are worse, but unless there are factors like excess speed, a large roll down a hill, other collisions, a car roll in a modern car isn’t particularly dangerous.

It’s totally understandable to be shaken in the aftermath of such an event.

I’ve also had the same experience as you. I think the fact that I was so ‘unscathed’ by it was really confusing for a while, as if it didn’t really happen. I also understand why the people who are closest to you want to minimise it, otherwise they’d dwell on the fragility of life and how close they were to the possibility of losing you, which no one really wants to confront.

Take your time and be gentle with yourself, but also be thankful that you did make it out okay and you’re still alive and healthy. It really gave me a perspective of positivity and gratitude for everything I have in my life, in hopefully a not too sanctimonious way!

We all have events and hurdles that we gather, it’s about how we choose to handle them as best as we can.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable! That sounds like a really traumatic experience! Just because you don't have any physical scars doesn't mean you can't have mental scars from it!

I'm not sure if links are allowed? This is a generic link to BACP (British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy) - all registered.

Check out EMDR. The quicker you can talk about it and process the crash, the faster you can put it behind you.

https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/types-of-therapy/eye-movement-desensitisation-and-reprocessing-emdr/#:~:text=counsellor%20who%20offers-,EMDR,a%20specific%20and%20structured%20format.

Your dh is lucky something like this has not happened to him.

fwiw. My Dh was involved in a serious car accident - hit by 3 lorries at 70mph, several years ago. He is a hgv driver so understood what happened. But - he cannot drive my small car, is extremely cautious on motorways in his car and only feels reasonably safe in a big 4x4 and has to be driving or asleep. Accidents are life changing - physically and mentally. Please give yourself time to process and adjust to what’s happened.

God that must've be terrifying I'm sorry
Physically you escaped serious injury but emotionally you will be traumatised for a while yet
Your DH should be supporting you, not minimising your feelings

Op, YANBU at all. I had a similar accident 2 weeks ago, broke my bone badly to need an immediate surgery and now doing physio for passive movements. I am recovering now, but I don't want to remember that moment when it was flipped over. Everything was slow motion, right in front of my eyes and I felt so helpless. It was horrible.

Hope you are doing OK, physically🤗

I saw a car flip about 8 years ago when we were on the motorway on holiday. I still see it happening as if in slow motion. If I am affected by that (no idea who was driving, no idea what happened after the flip) then someone like yourself really has the right to throw a complete wobbly. I'd be talking to the GP if I were you for counselling.

She doens't have PTSD. It is a normal reaction to be shaken up by something that happens where there is a threat to your life. If those feelings don't settle soon, it is good to see a therapist to process them - this helps prevent PTSD.

PTSD can't be diagnosed for at least a month post a traumatic event as it is normal to be upset and to experience some distress post a major even like a car wreck. People are allowed emotion without a diagnosis. We don't need to pathologize normal human reactions.

My ndn stopped driving completely after the car she was driving flipped over. Years later she was still traumatized by it. You’re not unreasonable at all, it may take a long time for you to recover from this accident.

It takes a while OP.

I lost control of my car on a county lane, realised I was going to crash, and have no memory after that, until a few moments later when we were in a ditch facing the opposite direction, car contents scattered along the road, all windows broken, airbag inflated, smoke coming from bonnet. The hardest moment of my life was looking around to check if DS (toddler at the time) was still alive in his car seat. Mercifully he was.

I obsessed about it for a few weeks, and got the insurance to send photos of the crushed car so I could try and process it. I still think about it when I drive past the tree I hit, although it happened 15 years ago.

You'll be OK, it just takes more than a week to stop thinking about it.

I don’t think you need to see a counsellor. What you’re experiencing is a normal reaction. If in a couple of months time you still feel no different, that’s the time to seek counselling.

You will relive it, but you do need to work it through in your mind so it doesn't develop into ptsd. Your dh is being unsympathetic but he's not wrong it that you need to put it behind you. Rather than thinking about how much worse it could have been, concentrate on how great the car build, safety systems etc were so you were practically unscathed despite how serious the crash was eg turn it into a positive.

My exh and dd were in a 60mph motorway crash and walked away due to the car's build, I have never bought another brand of car! I focus on that rather than what could have happened.

Ps it's not ptsd currently, it's normal human emotions, just be aware going forward so you don't allow this to affect you, your future happiness in the future

I was in the middle of a multi-car accident on the highway with cars hitting one another and then spinning and hitting others and bouncing around like billiard balls as we were between concrete barriers, but my car escaped unscathed by some miracle. Not a scratch on the car and absolutely no injuries. It took me months to stop having flashbacks just from the fear I experienced being almost hit multiple times. I can still vividly recall the scene 25 years later, though at this point it plays without emotion and just looks like an action movie that I experienced IRL.

i would be concerned if you weren’t reacting to your experience.