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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Car flipped - I can't get over it!

80 replies

elly213 · 16/04/2023 15:19

I had an accident last week. Car completely flipped over. By some miracle I managed to climb out of car with a few cuts, seat belt mark and bruises. I am lucky that I am able to see another day and didn't hurt anyone else. I can't get over the accident, I remember vividly turning, things in car flying and side windows all smashing with each hit on the ground. I don't know how it happened. I get flashbacks about it and get tearful every time I see DC (4) thinking what could have happened.

Today when speaking to not so DH, he said oh nothing happened, you need to get over it (after I mentioned how good it feels to see another day). I just wanted to know, AIBU for being 'dramatic' when I have no serious injuries.

AIBU - You are dramatic.
YANBU - The car flipping is enough to feel shaken and not ok one week down.

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 16/04/2023 17:04

Play Tetris. Seriously. I remember a conversation with my EMDR therapist (for PTSD) discussing how there's a fair bit of evidence that playing Tetris in the days after a traumatic incident reduces rates of developing PTSD.

Ihatepainting · 16/04/2023 17:07

I think if you’re teary about it, that maybe he’s trying to downplay it to help you move on? I sometimes deploy a similar tactic , it’s not meant in a hurtful way,

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/04/2023 17:29

YANBU! At all! Very few people go through that and crawl out unharmed - you were very close to serious injury and it is totally normal to be shaken by it.

The memory is still clear and alarming but it will fade gradually and become just a story to tell, but that will take lots of time.

museumum · 16/04/2023 17:32

Nbu at all. After a scary sudden accident I had (person with full beams drove straight at me on a narrow country road and caused me to hit a wall) two things helped me - talking about, quite a lot, telling the story over and over. And also, getting back behind the wheel asap. Oh, and thirdly - time.

beeskipa · 16/04/2023 17:34

nocoolnamesleft · 16/04/2023 17:04

Play Tetris. Seriously. I remember a conversation with my EMDR therapist (for PTSD) discussing how there's a fair bit of evidence that playing Tetris in the days after a traumatic incident reduces rates of developing PTSD.

This!

https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms

Also, I had a much less scary sounding car accident a few years back - I had to have counselling to deal with it, and I still have nightmares about it. A week is no time at all.

Tetris used to prevent post-traumatic stress symptoms — Department of Psychiatry

A single dose psychological intervention, which includes using the computer game Tetris, can prevent the unpleasant, intrusive memories that develop in some people after suffering a traumatic event.

https://www.psych.ox.ac.uk/news/tetris-used-to-prevent-post-traumatic-stress-symptoms

mindutopia · 16/04/2023 17:44

I work professionally with people who have experienced trauma and actually a huge cause of trauma is road traffic accidents. It’s totally normal to feel how you feel. I would speak to your GP and also consider if you are able to afford private therapy, as that may speed up accessing support. Look into things like hypnotherapy as well as they can be hugely beneficial.

DragonflyLady · 16/04/2023 18:04

About 6 or 7 years ago a car flipped and landed barely an inch in front of us on a windy country road. The occupants, which included a couple of dogs, were unharmed. But it really affected me. It’s a route we often take and I replay it in my mind every time we pass the spot where it happened. My daughter who would have been about 5 was in the back of our car. I remember looking at the roof of the car as it went up in the air and was coming towards us, then it suddenly flipped back as it came down so just missed us. So, I really don’t think you’re being unreasonable!

3luckystars · 16/04/2023 18:11

Of course you are still in shock, it will take time to get over it.

what happened though, how did it just flip over? Is there anyway someone had a camera or is there any way of figuring out what actually happened? I think that would frighten me too, if I didn’t know how it happened at all.

Liamgallaghersparka · 16/04/2023 18:23

That sounds terrifying, OP, you are certainly not being dramatic. You're still processing an horrific experience and are bound to be tearful. Be gentle with yourself.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 16/04/2023 18:38

Play Tetris. Seriously. I remember a conversation with my EMDR therapist (for PTSD) discussing how there's a fair bit of evidence that playing Tetris in the days after a traumatic incident reduces rates of developing PTSD.

That is so interesting! Thank you for posting it.

Mumsgirls · 16/04/2023 18:41

I witnessed this happen once and helped get a young girl out. She had gone too fast and clipped the curb, the car somersaulted several times. I was terrified it would land on us. Very frightening for you and unsympathetic dh is an idiot.

Birdsongsinging · 16/04/2023 22:47

mindutopia · 16/04/2023 17:44

I work professionally with people who have experienced trauma and actually a huge cause of trauma is road traffic accidents. It’s totally normal to feel how you feel. I would speak to your GP and also consider if you are able to afford private therapy, as that may speed up accessing support. Look into things like hypnotherapy as well as they can be hugely beneficial.

Surely that is with people who are still suffering distress some time after the incident. Not after one week. As said above this is perfectly normal and part of the healing process at this stage.

Sonrien · 16/04/2023 22:52

Lots of good advice on here as to the importance of processing trauma. Being in a car rotating must have been a terrifying experience, but also the safest way to crash as the car is designed very well for this. Don't beat yourself up, but also allow time to process.

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:07

Sonrien · 16/04/2023 22:52

Lots of good advice on here as to the importance of processing trauma. Being in a car rotating must have been a terrifying experience, but also the safest way to crash as the car is designed very well for this. Don't beat yourself up, but also allow time to process.

We were driving towards a roundabout once, when from the opposite direction, a car flew in the air over the roundabout, rotating vertically (so boot over bonnet) and landing eventually, on its roof. My DH pulled in and ran over to the car, expecting the occupant to be dead or seriously injured. The bloke just crawled out of the window an walked away without a scratch.

It's head on collisions that are the killers. The boxiness of a car body copes well with being turned over, and absorbs the shock. Even in our own accident (back in the 60s in a little Austin A30 with no seatbelts) we all got out safely with nothing apart from bruising (apart from my dad who had a broken rib)

So yes, it's scary, but probably not as bad to be in as a direct impact, car to car with combined MPHs.

Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:29

So yes, it's scary, but probably not as bad to be in as a direct impact, car to car with combined MPHs.

What do you mean by combined MPHs? For example, 2 cars each travelling at 50mph would experience the same damage/deceleration as a single car at 50mph into an immovable object.

ladydimitrescu · 16/04/2023 23:30

I would think that's one of the scariest things that could ever happen. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, and equally glad you're ok.
You may find speaking to someone helpful, a GP appointment maybe. I was diagnosed with PTSD after me and my baby very nearly died during birth, and it is horrible. Please don't suffer in silence because your husband is being a moron. Sending love 💕

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:46

Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:29

So yes, it's scary, but probably not as bad to be in as a direct impact, car to car with combined MPHs.

What do you mean by combined MPHs? For example, 2 cars each travelling at 50mph would experience the same damage/deceleration as a single car at 50mph into an immovable object.

Not. If both cars are traveling at 50mph, the combined head on impact speed is 100mph. Hitting a stationary wall, the impact is 50mph.

Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:49

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:46

Not. If both cars are traveling at 50mph, the combined head on impact speed is 100mph. Hitting a stationary wall, the impact is 50mph.

Show quote history

No, that’s not how it works I’m afraid. You need to go back to school.

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:49

@Shade17 here

Car flipped - I can't get over it!
Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:51

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:49

@Shade17 here

If two cars are travelling at 25mph then each will experience the same impact as a single vehicle hitting an immovable object at 25mph.

Divorcedalongtime · 16/04/2023 23:51

I flipped a car a few years ago, it took me ages to get past. I even talked about this with my therapist at length.
your husband is insensitive.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 16/04/2023 23:52

Singleandproud · 16/04/2023 15:32

It took me about a month for most of the shock to wear off after being in a car accident, flashbacks are caused because you haven't properly processed the incident from your short term memory and filed it into long term because of the adrenaline running through your body, its acute post traumatic stress - it's relatively short lived and you should feel a lot better in a few weeks.

I didn't know this. Interesting.

saraclara · 16/04/2023 23:54

Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:51

If two cars are travelling at 25mph then each will experience the same impact as a single vehicle hitting an immovable object at 25mph.

Show quote history

No. Click on the image I sent you and re-read the last sentence.

For example, if two cars are both travelling at 25 m.p.h. when they collide head on, the force of the impact is the same as a 50 m.p.h. crash because the force is doubled by the speed of the vehicles. If the head on collision occurs on the interstate at 55 m.p.h. for each car, the force is that of a 110 m.p.h. crash.

StepAwayFromTheBiscuitJar · 16/04/2023 23:54

Although maybe he's just trying to get you to move on, albeit in a misguided way.

FWIW, I've been a passenger in a truck that toppled over but saw the funny side, which was perhaps a defence mechanism.

HeartsAglow · 16/04/2023 23:55

Shade17 · 16/04/2023 23:51

If two cars are travelling at 25mph then each will experience the same impact as a single vehicle hitting an immovable object at 25mph.

Show quote history

Yes. This explains it well:

http://warp.povusers.org/grrr/collisionmath.html

Head-on collision math

http://warp.povusers.org/grrr/collisionmath.html