Car flipped - I can't get over it!

[elly213]

I had an accident last week. Car completely flipped over. By some miracle I managed to climb out of car with a few cuts, seat belt mark and bruises. I am lucky that I am able to see another day and didn't hurt anyone else. I can't get over the accident, I remember vividly turning, things in car flying and side windows all smashing with each hit on the ground. I don't know how it happened. I get flashbacks about it and get tearful every time I see DC (4) thinking what could have happened.

Today when speaking to not so DH, he said oh nothing happened, you need to get over it (after I mentioned how good it feels to see another day). I just wanted to know, AIBU for being 'dramatic' when I have no serious injuries.

AIBU - You are dramatic.
YANBU - The car flipping is enough to feel shaken and not ok one week down.

I was in a bad car accident in February. Been driving 17 years and never been in a crash. Wasn't my fault.

I'm just about getting over it now but my god the trauma is real!!

Give it time and do all the talking you need with people who will actually listen and support you.

This. As soon as I read the post I knew people would jump in with PTSD suggestions when it's totally normal to be experiencing what OP is feeling one week after a traumatic event.

@Whatsthefrequencykenny and yet acute (post traumatic) stress disorder appears immediately after a traumatic event and lasts roughly a month and is incredibly common following car accidents.
No, it isn't the same as the PTSD experienced following time in a war zone etc nor does it need medication but it is experienced by many people in OPs situation.

I flipped my car a month after passing my test. I had 2 people with me and we were all so lucky to be able to crawl out the car with a few cuts and scrapes and that’s it.

It took me a while to get over it. I started driving again a few weeks after when I got a new car and going round tight corners (I crashed clipping my tyres on a tight corner) scared the shit out of me for a good few years. I was really out of sorts after it and felt incredibly guilty for ages. It does get easier. Your DH is being an arse though, it is so scary and even though you got out okay, you know what could have happened and that’s horrible. telling you “nothing happened” is so dismissive.

Tell him it was a significant accident, that you need to be able to talk about it to help you process what happened, and that he needs to stop dismissing you.

Suggest he's perhaps suffering trauma at how close you came to being seriously hurt and may be in denial, perhaps he needs therapy to help him address that.

And ask whether he has a plan for covering the household management should, heaven forbid, something happen again.

It's noticeable in hospital that women tend to be worrying about how things are going at home (does he realise we are out of bread, and Jo needs a pe kit on Thursdays) while men lounge about feeling sorry for themselves.

It must have been terrifying and I would probably be worried too, especially about getting back behind a wheel, and it will take time to process and move on from it.

But, if i was mentioning "how good it feels to see another day" daily I can see how that would get tiresome very quickly! If I said "I need to get to X, but still feel a bit nervous about driving/need a bit more time could you drive me today?" I know my dh would be supportive.

Definitely. Thank god you're okay but of course you're traumatised. Who wouldn't be Could? Could you get a referral for counselling?

Pretty much what I was planning to post. 'How good it feels to see another day' might be how you feel, but it sounds a bit dramatic, and that might be what he was responding to. Even if I totally understood your feelings and was supportive re any nervousness etc, I might do a bit of an internal eye roll at that kind of phrase past the first day or two.

But I do get the emotion. I was in a similar accident as a child. What I remember most weirdly is being on my side, looking at the window of my door and seeing tarmac through it.

Yanbu.
5yrs ago I was reversing it to my drive, in my 4x4 with my 12yr old in front.
Our st is 20mph, A drug driver smashed into back of us at 50mph. we were shaken, mild whiplash, my car wasnt massively damaged , other drivers van was crumpled- he was ok.
An hr before all 6 of my family were in car inc my 4mth old baby and 8yr old Ds in the boot seat- bad whiplash and bruising wouldve likely been what ds couldve ended up with- had he been in the car.
The thing i STILL think of at times is how my GM (76) was due to have DD (12) in her small car that night but I collected her last min instead.
If my GM and DD had been in the car- 1 or both would not have survived as DG would not be reversing but driving forward.

This , as i said was 5 yrs ago and thankfully wasnt the latter scenario but Im still upset about it all.
Your accident was serious, I hope you recover well and find a way to not dwell on scenarios that couldve happened.

It is horrible op. I had similar many years ago on the M1 where I crashed into a lorry and literally bounced off it 3 times before ending up the wrong way on the motorway. I still think about is sometimes and this happened in 1997 ! I kept playing it over and over in my mind, everything went into slow motion and it played on my mind that it was my fault and I could have killed or injured someone. I'm glad you are ok, but it will take some time to get over.

YANBU!! This is such a horrendously traumatic situation, you might need to talk it through with someone at some point. You’re coping with it certainly better than I would!

I had a horrible accident two years ago in which I broke my leg in such a horrific way I couldn’t move and had to lay there screaming and waiting for help for hours. It legitimately took me over a year to be able to go to the place in my home that it happened. I just avoided that area and would close my eyes when near it. Trauma does odd things to a person!

Some people handle trauma by repressing it, some people can shake traumatic things off surprisingly well. Some people (probably most people) need time to process it and come to terms with what happened. Yanbu to still be dealing with the emotional fall out of something so upsetting.

Totally agree. This is a normal reaction to a terrifying event. Most people recover well from trauma and do that by thinking about what happened and processing their emotions and treating themselves gently.

YANBU in the slightest.

I had a non-fault accident a few years ago and my car got written off. I also had my dog in the car with me. We both walked away with no real damage but I can still remember seeing this red van speed towards me and the car spinning in the road - it was horrendous.

It took me a while but you do get over it. I don't really think about it now and when I do, I no longer feel sick/anxious/scared. I think it helps that I got back behind the wheel the following day and carried on as normal, even though I was absolutely terrified.

I still have flashbacks to seeing another car flip over about 30 years ago. I stopped and rushed over as did several other people and I remember wondering how bad it was going to be and what I could do. A man opened the car and handed me a baby from the car seat to hold until the mother, who was driving, could be helped out. I didn't really know what to do but felt, at least, I had held the baby so the mother knew she was OK but I was very glad the man had been there and seemed to have it under control. Maybe he was as panicked as I was but managed to stay calm and give that impression. These memories can last a long time.

Agree. It's perfectly normal to be very upset for quite some time by a very upsetting and frightening experience. In the 'normal' way of things, you'll think about it all the time, then a bit less, then a bit less, then eventually you'll only think about it occasionally (though you'll never forget it). If that doesn't happen, that's the time to start thinking about counselling and/orlabels, not now.

YANBU. That was a traumatic event you have experienced. I think you will need counselling to help process this, or you may suffer PTSD.
When my youngest ds was two, a car taking a short cut through a supermarket car park lost control and hit me and my sons pushchair. We were squashed between my car and hers. My son had to be cut out of his pushchair by firefighters. We were both very lucky and only suffered severe bruising. Afterwards I was a frantic screaming wreck, whenever I was putting the children in the car. I expected to just brush it off, after all, we were still a family of five, it could’ve been a family of three. I couldn’t understand why my brain just wouldn’t accept that logical fact. My doctor sent me to see a psychologist and he told me I was suffering from PTSD, and my brain needed to process the event, but was stuck.
Your dh is trivialising your experience and your feelings. If it feels like a huge deal to you, that’s because it is.
You have my sympathy and please get help, you’ll be glad you did.

I flipped the car 1.5 times in 2013, I still have flash backs occasionally and panic going around some corners 9 years on, a week on you are still processing it. I had a glass splinter and some whiplash. climbed out the window and had to ask the police woman to find my glasses as I couldn't talk to her without being able to see who I was talking to.

It’s a really traumatic thing to go through so you ADNBU but maybe ‘it feels so good to see another day’ is a slightly dramatic way to put it? If you’re struggling with the feelings you have from the accident maybe saying to your DP that you need to talk it through with him might be better than making the odd passing comment like that as he might mistake that for you making light of it & is struggling with the worry and fear he felt also? Maybe just check in with him too. He could also be struggling.

It only happened last week? No wonder you're still shaken up.

DS (a very competent and staid young driver) flipped his knackered old banger on a muddy bend and wrote it off. He was uninjured but it still took some months before he could take a similar bend again without expecting the worst.

I think you are being a little dramatic in the sense that modern cars are very safe and flipping one over doesn’t usually cause any serious injuries. However it’s understandable that you are feeling very shaken and upset and need more than a week to recover. It’s not PTSD at this stage, it is a normal stress reaction to a traumatic event. You might benefit from some counselling or support though. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Seriously, who are the 6% twats who have said you are being unreasonable.

hope you are ok OP xx

You poor thing.

A few years ago I had a similar accident. Car flipped over at a very high speed twice in the air. I can still remember the glass flying everywhere and the airbags hitting me. Mud everywhere. I was trapped in the car and then was so frightened that the car would erupt in flames and I would burn to death.

It is a completely terrifying situation and people don’t understand it until it has happened to them.

You have my understanding and support.

Definitely not unreasonable OP. Events like this can be so traumatic. I hope that you’re physically ok and that you seek some support for your thoughts and feelings when you feel able to. I’m glad you got through it! Sending positive thoughts your way xx

This.
You need to be able to talk about it if you want to, to family and friends. Process the events.
Counselling, EMDR come later if your mind is struggling.
Your DH may be minimising as a way of reassuring himself that he wasn't close to losing you.