Husband doesn't buy me gifts

[ChattyIntrovert]

Hi all, my husband pays for all the bills and children's costly tuition fees and medical insurance (we don't live in the UK). We also have a nanny/housekeeper who he also pays for. I also have a job that pays quite well (not as much as him) but he doesn't ever expect me to spend my money on the house or children.

He is a good dad and husband, so AIBU in saying that I'm hurt he never buys me gifts. He will take me out on dates and holidays and when I'm with him I don't spend a dime.

The problem is he doesn't buy me any gifts, especially since I started working he's completely stopped and I've been very vocal about it, his response is always OK, but he makes sure to throw in he pays for everything and my salary should cover what I want. Which is fair but besides the point, because I work I won't get gifts from my husband? AIBU for being upset about this. Please share your thoughts.

I understand OP. Are you talking about birthday gifts, or just random ones out of the blue? I think it's okay to expect a birthday/ Christmas (?) gift from your life partner. But it seems as though he is very generous and kind, he just doesn't see how big a deal this can be for some. It doesn't have to be expensive, it's the thought that counts. I find it odd people are telling you to grow up? I thought it was standard to expect something small from your partner on a special occasion

It's just different love languages OP 😊 you should find out what his is and have a chat about it. One of the best things I did for my relationship

This is clearly bollocks, but anyway - do you mean he doesn't buy you a birthday present? Or do you mean random gifts the rest of the year?

No birthday present I would be upset by, but no adult needs random gifts. I know it's meant to be a 'love language' 🙄 but if you're an adult with your own disposable income you don't need someone else to buy you shit.

Hand written notes??? Is this post a joke?

Probably 🙄

Buying of gifts is not something one does on demand. It’s either impulsive or done with a lot of forethought because the giver wants to give.Not because they are being coerced into it.

So ask yourself, what value is a gift that your husband has been nagged into giving you? Would that really be a gift ? Or just keeping the peace?

YABU.
He gives you the huge gift of allowing you to have a large disposable income so you can spend on yourself.
Any additional demands for “gifts” is just you being entitled.

Does he buy Christmas and birthday presents?

Count your blessings.

you're not in a new relationship...you're now an established couple with children. Randomly wanting love notes and perfume is silly. Grow up and appreciate your great life

Maybe you’re not like it in real life but the lack of self-awareness in your posts is making you come across as such.

And because I feel unusually catty, maybe he expends all his gift-giving energy on his mistress(es). 😌

What an awful thread. The OP was just asking a question and this is what she gets.

Why would he buy you random gifts? Apart from Xmas and birthdays, this would be quite odd. Most wives (inc me) would find it odd to get gifts for no reason.

YANBU, OP. He clearly doesn’t love you any more. Do you think he might be having an affair? Either way, he’s obviously bored and not interested in keeping you happy. I think your marriage is over. Though, tbh, I’d question how genuine it ever really was if you were only getting flowers and notes rather than designer clobber. The day my DH stops with a weekly gift worth at least £250 is the day I end our relationship.

Send him my way. I would love to keep my wage to myself and I'm not bothered about gifts 🙂 as long as I get the holidays!

I get it, OP. A thoughtful gift brings a different feeling than someone paying the electricity bill. It’s valid to feel like you’re missing out.

Really? You think this is real?

Gift giving is important to you but maybe not so to him. Can you not try to think of it as he is giving you gifts each month by supporting you and the children entirely leaving you with your whole salary as disposable income? Not many people are in that position.

Either that or sit and have a frank conversation that you'd actually like to have a more traditional set up where you both contribute to the household and you both treat each other to gifts. If gift giving isn't important to him I don't think it's fair to expect him to compromise on that but you not compromise on paying your way - bit of give and take and all that.

I get that it's nice to be surprised with gifts from time to time - I certainly love it when DH leaves me a note, buys a bunch of flowers when he's out etc, but you are also lucky to have the set up you have currently too - it's just about finding a set up that works for you both.

Have you read up about love languages? If your DH is up for a sort of silly light-hearted quiz, both take a love languages quiz online and compare results. Hopefully he'll understand your perspective a bit more, and how a gift for you isn't materialistic & doesn't need to be expensive, just for you a personification of love. People vary and DH and I are not gift givers and I LOVE it, I rather buy exactly what I want when I want lol

70p for Jelly Tots smdh

I understand op. We are not very well off but my dh does give me thoughtful gifts. Like a certain sweet I like that he spotted while out with work. Or little trinkets he thinks I'll like. And it's lovely, makes me feel special and thought about.

My thoughts are, you’re a materialistic person. My other thought is, do you buy him gifts? Since he spends the majority of his money on you 🤔😅He sounds like a really giving feller & you sound like you want more & more. For no reason.

I feel chuffed when my husband brings home the smoothie from his sandwich meal deal for me to have or a new flavour Kit Kat to try - those are enough for me

Agree with this completely

So you spend his money buying him unwanted stuff and now you're moaning you're moaning he doesn't buy yiu things?

hmm. Okay.