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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family coming to stay, how to organise food?

96 replies

Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 15:57

Family are coming to stay at our house for a fortnight 🙈What would be the right thing to do about food? Do I get a big food shop in for the two weeks got everyone? A bit worried about the added costs. What do you do if people come to stay for a fair while or you stay at theirs?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 15:59

*For everyone

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 16:01

Why are they coming for so long, and are they invited or you’re doing it as a favour? How many people, and what’s the relationship?

Albiboba · 15/04/2023 16:01

I think part of the deal when you host people is that you will spend more on food. If you don’t want to do that it’s a bit weird to have people stay.

If I have people stay I do a big shop, but we also eat some meals out and friends/family staying generally pick up more of those.

Is this family you have stayed with before?

savoycabbage · 15/04/2023 16:02

I do a meal plan for dinners. I just have sandwich stuff available for lunches and breakfast stuff for breakfasts for people to get themselves. So I just do dinners. I don't talk about it or offer alternatives. I just cook the meal and put it on the table and shout 'dinners ready'.

I do as many one pot things as I can. And I expect people to assist with the tidying up so what I usually do is on the first day as we are finishing dinner I say 'shall we play monopoly after dinner after we have tidied up' so nobody fucks of to the living room with their wine while I do everything.

Presumably they will be going out as well.

Belmondo · 15/04/2023 16:03

I would be surprised if they don't offer to contribute but I guess it sort of depends on precedent or what terms you've already hashed out!...

Have you invited them, offering to host and take them out on trips, cook for them etc? Or are they using e.g. an annexe of your house and being a bit more independent, arranging their own days out?

How many are they? Are there any fussy eaters?

To be honest if I'd invited family to stay for two weeks without prior agreement on food provision/costs, I'd probably suck it up and just do the big shop and not ask them for money. If they offer, you could suggest they perhaps get a takeaway for everyone one night?

GlassBunion · 15/04/2023 16:03

I'd be hoping that there will be some contribution from them so I wouldn't be buying a fortnight's worth of extra food, maybe just for a couple of days then I'd be up front and ask them about food going forward.

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:04

Much more info required

close family? You enjoy their company and love them? Or is it one of the many “families” I read about on mumsnet where every member seems to despise one another

why so long?

what accom will they be in?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:04

Will they be at your home whilst everyone at school or work?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:05

How many usually in the house and how many coming?

Original poster
Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:06

My parents in law, so two extra people, staying in the spare bedroom. Not exactly invited but said they’d like to come and see us

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:07

We’re a family of three normally

OP posts:
MorehouseplantsPls · 15/04/2023 16:09

With just 2 extra adults I’d say that’s not much of a big deal really. I was imagining another entire family, kids etc…Won’t they go out a bit during day, cover their own lunches mostly?

As above i would just do meals as normal and obviously make enough extra for the 2 of them. Maybe get some nicer drinks in, more fruit for snacks. ?

Albiboba · 15/04/2023 16:09

Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:06

My parents in law, so two extra people, staying in the spare bedroom. Not exactly invited but said they’d like to come and see us

Do your in-laws usually host you?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:11

Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:06

My parents in law, so two extra people, staying in the spare bedroom. Not exactly invited but said they’d like to come and see us

I’ll take a punt that you don’t get on with them? And there’s “history”?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:12

Really is something your partner should be leading from the front on

Caterina99 · 15/04/2023 16:12

We lived abroad and would have family come for 2 weeks at a time. Invited of course.

Usually I did a big shop before they arrived. After that my parents or in-laws would normally give us some cash towards shopping (not demanded, but gratefully received) plus we’d usually eat out a few times and get takeaway and they always paid for or towards those costs.

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 16:12

Are they visiting from abroad? And what happens when you go to see them?

JeanieJo · 15/04/2023 16:13

Yes just do a big shop and host as generously as you can afford. They are close family.

NoSquirrels · 15/04/2023 16:16

If they’re travelling from away and have air fare expenses etc then I’d pay all food costs, on the basis that the other way around they’d host us similarly and we’d be paying travel.

If they’re UK and you’d not usually see them for a fortnight at a time, and you know there’s no money worries, then do s plan for the first weekend or 3-4 days then discuss plans for the next 10 days worh them and split the catering.

StrawberryWater · 15/04/2023 16:16

If one or two people are up visiting then I’ll just include their stuff as it isn’t much extra but when it’s 5 or 6 people for two weeks? Nope. I’ll do a shop for their arrival but other than that they can fend for themselves.

Sceptre86 · 15/04/2023 16:17

It's only 2 extra people. Do you not shop weekly? If you do and have a rough idea of meals just add extra, might be nice to get in specific teabags if they are particular or a brand of coffee they like, maybe biscuits they like. You get the gist just include them in your normal shop and add a few treats.

Doesn't have to be a big deal.

Original poster
Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:17

We get on ok, no major issues but I’d prefer people not staying 🙈but that’s just me.
We don’t stay at theirs for that long usually, but if we stay they have the food in and cook, but that’s generally tops three-five nights, not two weeks, a couple of those we’d get takeaway too etc

OP posts:
Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:18

Sunnydayimindoors · 15/04/2023 16:17

We get on ok, no major issues but I’d prefer people not staying 🙈but that’s just me.
We don’t stay at theirs for that long usually, but if we stay they have the food in and cook, but that’s generally tops three-five nights, not two weeks, a couple of those we’d get takeaway too etc

And over the many years you have known them presumably, are they generous and welcoming?

Cleoforever · 15/04/2023 16:19

presumably they will be alone most of the day?

Albiboba · 15/04/2023 16:19

I think you just have to do a food shop and hopefully they will take you out for some meals.
This is the first time you’re hosting them and although you haven’t stayed at theirs for as long you have still been hosted multiple times.