Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at home?

76 replies

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 09:14

DH has been in a foul mood with me all week for no apparent reason. I've tried to talk to him ("nothings wrong, stop asking") and booked us a night out to have dinner/watch a film last night (got the silent treatment).

Today is a relative's (his side- not a parent) 80th birthday and there's a big family party. AIBU to say I'm not going and he can take the kids on his own. I am stand another day of being on edge wondering what I've done wrong!

OP posts:
marmitegirl01 · 15/04/2023 09:16

Totally. Enjoy your peaceful time 💕👏

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 09:19

What an arse he’s being!? Does he do this often?

Does he want to go to the 80th birthday? What do you think his reaction will be to you not going?

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 15/04/2023 09:19

Yes, that's a good idea. You can have relief and some space to relax, he can realise bad behaviour has tolerance limits.

Original poster
crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 09:49

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 09:19

What an arse he’s being!? Does he do this often?

Does he want to go to the 80th birthday? What do you think his reaction will be to you not going?

He's a sulker but I normally know what he's sulking about!

I don't think he'll be thrilled about me not going but tbh I think only because I'm the designated driver. He normally ditches me to be 'Laddy' with his 3 brothers at family dos.

OP posts:
emptythelitterbox · 15/04/2023 10:24

Stay home and enjoy your peace.

UWhatNow · 15/04/2023 10:25

Do it. You need to take a stand and this is your opportunity.

theWarOnPeace · 15/04/2023 10:26

LTB

PuttingDownRoots · 15/04/2023 10:27

Will the 80yo mind? I'd think about them more than the man-child. If they won't notice, crack on and stay at home.

YellowGreenBlue · 15/04/2023 10:27

YANBU. He has to learn that sulking is not ok.

Dilemma19 · 15/04/2023 10:28

UWhatNow · 15/04/2023 10:25

Do it. You need to take a stand and this is your opportunity.

Agree, and let him explain to everyone where you are.

Binfluencer · 15/04/2023 10:29

Absolutely make him go alone. Is he normally emotionally abusive like this?

LBFseBrom · 15/04/2023 10:31

I do not see what relative's birthday do and your husband's foul mood have in common. I'd go to the birthday, next day would sit down with husband and demand to know what is wrong.

CuriousMama · 15/04/2023 10:33

Why are you with this man child? Sulking is ridiculous.

Original poster
crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 10:38

LBFseBrom · 15/04/2023 10:31

I do not see what relative's birthday do and your husband's foul mood have in common. I'd go to the birthday, next day would sit down with husband and demand to know what is wrong.

I don't really want to spend the day with him in someone else's home trying to make everything look OK (and looking after the kids whilst he gets merry after a week of being treated like shit)

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 15/04/2023 10:43

Don't go but don't mention it til the last minute when he asks if you're ready just a very casual ' no I'm not going why would I want to spend the day with you ?' . Did you go out for a meal and he ignored you ?

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2023 10:44

Can you completely trust him not to drink, if he’s driving the children?

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2023 10:46

You’ll feel much better after a day of peace. And whatever is up with him, some time away from you will probably help too.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2023 10:47

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2023 10:44

Can you completely trust him not to drink, if he’s driving the children?

Seriously, what’s the point in this? Has the op said anything to indicate he’s a drunk driver? No. So don’t disturb her peace by putting the thought in her head.

Luredbyapomegranate · 15/04/2023 10:48

mycatsanutter · 15/04/2023 10:43

Don't go but don't mention it til the last minute when he asks if you're ready just a very casual ' no I'm not going why would I want to spend the day with you ?' . Did you go out for a meal and he ignored you ?

Don’t to do this, it just continues the manipulation. Just tell him you need a day to recharge your batteries.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/04/2023 10:58

I don't really want to spend the day with him in someone else's home trying to make everything look OK (and looking after the kids whilst he gets merry after a week of being treated like shit)

I don’t blame you! He’ll probably carry on ignoring you all day anyway. Have you told him you’ll drive or do you always drive?

Flatandhappy · 15/04/2023 11:02

Definitely stay at home, actions have consequences and there is no way I would be designated driver when he has been an arse. My DH used to be a sucker too so I really sympathise, luckily he grew out of it but it was horrible at the time.

Flatandhappy · 15/04/2023 11:03

Sulker, not sucker 😂

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/04/2023 11:03

Luredbyapomegranate · Today 10:47
MrsSkylerWhite · Today 10:44

Can you completely trust him not to drink, if he’s driving the children?
Seriously, what’s the point in this? Has the op said anything to indicate he’s a drunk driver? No. So don’t disturb her peace by putting the thought in her head”

Yes she has:

”I don't think he'll be thrilled about me not going but tbh I think only because I'm the designated driver. He normally ditches me to be 'Laddy' with his 3 brothers at family dos”

SkyandSurf · 15/04/2023 11:06

YANBU.

I wouldn't be going along to drive him and mind the children while he got drunk and had a grand time after being a moody twat all week.

I wouldn't be manipulative about it though, that just perpetuates the cycle.

Say you've found the week difficult due to his moodiness, you're not up to a party and you'll be taking an evening to yourself to recharge.

Don't negotiate, state it as a fact that you'll be staying home alone.

Then spend the evening doing whatever you feel is relaxing.

Scottishskifun · 15/04/2023 11:14

I wouldn't be going either and would probably tell him to stop acting like a 14 year old whilst I was at it!