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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stay at home?

76 replies

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 09:14

DH has been in a foul mood with me all week for no apparent reason. I've tried to talk to him ("nothings wrong, stop asking") and booked us a night out to have dinner/watch a film last night (got the silent treatment).

Today is a relative's (his side- not a parent) 80th birthday and there's a big family party. AIBU to say I'm not going and he can take the kids on his own. I am stand another day of being on edge wondering what I've done wrong!

OP posts:
forrestgreen · 15/04/2023 11:16

Just don't get ready, don't get the kids organised. And don't mention it. Or the atmosphere at home will get even worse.

gamerchick · 15/04/2023 11:19

No way I'd be going but I wouldn't mention it either. Just carry on with my day. When he mentions it, tell him he's treated you like utter shit all week so can stick his family party up his arse and he can take the kids himself or leave them behind. Then don't enter into another word about it.

In fact I'd go so far as to say that he had better had an attitude adjustment when he gets back or he can stay elsewhere until he's over himself.

Burgoo · 15/04/2023 11:19

@Shinyandnew1 "What an arse he’s being!? Does he do this often?"

Yes because everyone has the ability to express when they are feeling shit. Come on... men have huge suicide rates, this attitude doesn't help.

@crisscross87 " I am stand another day of being on edge wondering what I've done wrong!"

Bit self-absorbed to assume it is all about you! It may well be he is tired and your nagging him about what is wrong probably put him in a worse mood! Accept it if he says he is fine.

Ktime · 15/04/2023 11:19

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 09:49

He's a sulker but I normally know what he's sulking about!

I don't think he'll be thrilled about me not going but tbh I think only because I'm the designated driver. He normally ditches me to be 'Laddy' with his 3 brothers at family dos.

Show quote history

He sulks and gives you silent treatment.
He wants you question yourself on what you’ve done wrong
He doesn’t speak to you at his family events

In short, he sounds like an utter knob.

Definitely stay home.

And when he gives you the silent treatment, don’t try and cajole or placate him, that’s exactly what he wants. Tell him he’s acting like a child and ignore him.

Does he have any redeeming features?

Ktime · 15/04/2023 11:21

Burgoo · 15/04/2023 11:19

@Shinyandnew1 "What an arse he’s being!? Does he do this often?"

Yes because everyone has the ability to express when they are feeling shit. Come on... men have huge suicide rates, this attitude doesn't help.

@crisscross87 " I am stand another day of being on edge wondering what I've done wrong!"

Bit self-absorbed to assume it is all about you! It may well be he is tired and your nagging him about what is wrong probably put him in a worse mood! Accept it if he says he is fine.

This is terrible advice. Women, know your place.

He’s a stone walling twat.

tinytemper66 · 15/04/2023 11:23

I think he would just go on his own and leave you with the kids so he can get pissed with his brothers. Go out before he does and he will either have to stay home with the kids or take them.

Original poster
crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 11:26

Burgoo · 15/04/2023 11:19

@Shinyandnew1 "What an arse he’s being!? Does he do this often?"

Yes because everyone has the ability to express when they are feeling shit. Come on... men have huge suicide rates, this attitude doesn't help.

@crisscross87 " I am stand another day of being on edge wondering what I've done wrong!"

Bit self-absorbed to assume it is all about you! It may well be he is tired and your nagging him about what is wrong probably put him in a worse mood! Accept it if he says he is fine.

Are you my DH?

OP posts:
Original poster
crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 11:28

I've told him I'm not going. He just asked why and then when I told him has said nothing. Did bring me a (silent) cup of tea. Have got the kids ready- they are 7 and 15 so he wouldn't get away with trying to leave them at home as they'd have FOMO.

OP posts:
FoolsOld · 15/04/2023 11:28

Enjoy your day!!!

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 15/04/2023 11:28

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 11:28

I've told him I'm not going. He just asked why and then when I told him has said nothing. Did bring me a (silent) cup of tea. Have got the kids ready- they are 7 and 15 so he wouldn't get away with trying to leave them at home as they'd have FOMO.

👏👏👏

gamerchick · 15/04/2023 11:30

Good for you. Can't stand sulking twats.

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/04/2023 11:30

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 11:28

I've told him I'm not going. He just asked why and then when I told him has said nothing. Did bring me a (silent) cup of tea. Have got the kids ready- they are 7 and 15 so he wouldn't get away with trying to leave them at home as they'd have FOMO.

Good for you!

Picassa · 15/04/2023 11:30

marmitegirl01 · 15/04/2023 09:16

Totally. Enjoy your peaceful time 💕👏

As above! 👍🏼

thistimelastweek · 15/04/2023 11:40

Please don't accept an apology timed to his own advantage.
He made his sulky bed...

HelenaJustina · 15/04/2023 11:42

I can’t bear sulking, I’d rather clear the air win the argument enjoy your day!

SkyandSurf · 15/04/2023 11:42

Good for you.

It's not your responsibility to absorb his shitty moods.

Enjoy your day.

Mix56 · 15/04/2023 11:48

Do not spend your day tidying/ironing etc
Go out, meet a friend, have a hair cut, do your nails, go for a swim, anything that makes You happy, & dont go & do the taxi, & preferably be out when they return

Takenoprisoner · 15/04/2023 11:48

Don't let his silent tea peace offering persuade you to go, otherwise he'll know he can keep getting away with behaviour like this

RocketsMagnificent7 · 15/04/2023 11:57

Will your 15yo be left to look after the 7yo or will he forgo his lads time with his brothers?

Wouldn't be surprised if you get a phone call later to go and collect them because he's had too much to drink to drive home.

HappyintheHills · 15/04/2023 12:01

Well done

ThinWomansBrain · 15/04/2023 12:04

well done, have a good day, do something nice.
turn you phone off early evening.

Newestname002 · 15/04/2023 12:15

crisscross87 · 15/04/2023 11:28

I've told him I'm not going. He just asked why and then when I told him has said nothing. Did bring me a (silent) cup of tea. Have got the kids ready- they are 7 and 15 so he wouldn't get away with trying to leave them at home as they'd have FOMO.

Well done OP. And as someone else said, don't use the time they're away to do chores (would he?) but do something just for you. Meet with a friend? Something relaxing 100% for you? Also put your phone on silent... 🌹

Mariposista · 15/04/2023 12:15

Absolutely stay at home. And then is/when the relatives ask why you didn't go, tell the truth, that he has spent several days being unbearable and that you couldn't face a day of faking.

SkyandSurf · 15/04/2023 12:44

Mariposista · 15/04/2023 12:15

Absolutely stay at home. And then is/when the relatives ask why you didn't go, tell the truth, that he has spent several days being unbearable and that you couldn't face a day of faking.

I wouldn't drag the extended family into it. That's manipulative as well.

GabriellaMontez · 15/04/2023 12:48

Well done. I wouldn't want to spend any time with someone who behaved like this.

Sounds like he's well able to communicate with his brothers. When he's ready to be an adult he can come and speak to you.