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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the husband to be upset

88 replies

FeelingSoSad2 · 15/04/2023 04:01

at people who have humiliated me?

Long story short, some people in DHs circle had some frictions with me, started talking behind my back, turned other people against me and it then exploded in me being publicly humiliated at a party in front of him and our children.

Its been over a year and some could say that I should forget about it, but humiliation is hard to forget.

Well, he says that he doesnt want to think about it and his relationship with this people wont be affected by this (as they are close to his child from previous marriage).

I would be very uncomfortable with people who would do it to him, AIBU to expect the same from him? I feel that him being ok with them is adding insult to injury.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 01:52

LolaSmiles · 15/04/2023 04:49

The fact it's his ex is a bit of a drip feed.

If you know you didn't like each other and there was existing tension, why did you go to a party at her house?
Once at the party, you didn't like something, but you know there's tension, but you still you went to say something to her about something you didn't like.
People who've had a drink are being rude, so instead of rising above it and leaving (a party with someone you don't like and know doesn't like you), you confront her.

And you're surprised it escalated?

His ex sounds awful, but I can't blame her boyfriend for getting you to leave if you were in their house and shouting at her.

You misunderstood everything. I did not yell, I was yelled at.

Looks like nobody understood.

I didnt have alcohol, I was not drunk, I was not yelling. The ex was doing things to provoke me all the time and then talking behind my back. I dont know how to explain things on this board for people to understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 01:55

Toomanybooks22 · 15/04/2023 06:44

I think in future it would be wise to keep your distance from these people or at least not confront them by shouting at them in public.

I did NOT shout at anybody. I was shouted at by a friend of the ex who also made an inappropriate comment about me (the DH admits that he hated it), another friend hit me in the face with ballons while taking a picture...The only thing I did was making a quiet comment to the ex which was very similar to a comment she made to me once. If that comment was acceptable towards me, why its not acceptable towards her? Other than that, I was NOT drunk, not yelling, not being rude. I talked to several people and was acting nicely. These people just organized themselves against me and that BEFORE that party.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 01:57

IdealisticCynic · 15/04/2023 07:23

From your account it doesn’t sound like they humiliated you, it sounds like you humiliated yourself.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but from your account it sounds like you instigated and then escalated the problem. As an adult you ought to know to limit your alcohol intake in potentially tricky situations so you can be more in control of your words and actions, especially if your child is present.

I did not have alcohol, Im thinking that they behaved in this way because of alcohol, otherwise, I dont understand that behaviour, I havent done anything that they havent done to me at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 01:58

takealettermsjones · 15/04/2023 07:33

I've definitely read this story on here before.

I voted before your second post, which changes things imo. Still more info needed but it sounds like you got drunk and yelled at someone in their own house?

I did NOT get drunk or yelled. It was the others who probably were drunk especially the b*tch who yelled.

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 16/04/2023 01:58

You all sound awful- adults behaving like horrible 13 year olds.

Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:00

Crazykatie · 15/04/2023 08:34

Definitely keep well away from her, stay sober and don’t rise to her actions, if you have to be in the same room ignore her or respond with a put down and walk away with dignity.

I am ALWAYS sober, the alcohol part applied to the other people, especially the crazy one who yelled. Obviously, if nobody understood what I wrote, the answers cant be taken seriously.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:03

CinnabarRed · 15/04/2023 08:38

Yes, you can change your vote at any time.

OP posted at 4am! That feels obsessive after a year.

Where I am, it wasnt 4 am. DId you really think I woke up to write in the forum at this time?
Yes, maybe its obsessive because DH seemed to have taken distance from these people, but an even happened and they are interacting a lot now.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:04

roarfeckingroarr · 15/04/2023 08:39

I don't mean to be rude OP but is English your first language? I'm struggling to understand what happened and I'm not sure if that's because you're deliberately omitting details or it's a language barrier.

No, English is not my first language, maybe I was tired when I was writing, I must have made mistakes. I guess thats why people thought that I said I was drunk.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:06

niugboo · 15/04/2023 08:44

I think drunk. Time of the post and has form.

Show quote history

I know 4 languages, lets see how you write in other languages and if you make a mistake, blame it on your alcohol intake. If you have nothing useful to say, just move on to another post. I do not get drunk lady.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:08

Suzi888 · 15/04/2023 08:58

Your child was there? Not the time.

I wouldn’t be going anywhere near them in future. DH can take DC.

My children will not go to a place where their mother got humiliated. That same ex was coming to my house ignoring me and I didnt even think of kicking her out because I knew it would hurt her daughter.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:10

Isiteveningyet · 15/04/2023 08:55

I’m not sure rhe op was drunk , I think she wasn’t invited and had previous with the ex and her friends. That’s why there was tension when she arrived, at a party his ex was holding, in her own home, she wasn’t invited. She then behaved unpleasantly and was told to leave. They basically had to force her out their home.

I think st the time she was told she was the problem.

I was invited by her daugher. Twice. Because her daughter loves me and wanted me there. When I arrived, my child was crying, he never cries like this. The ex was telling her daughter how to calm my child who was crying in my arms. Her older son ignored me (I was always nice to him). Her friends was visibly upset and showed it. I could sense the tension from the beginning.
I would have never gone there if I wasnt invited. I am too shy to impose myself.

OP posts:
Testina · 16/04/2023 02:12

So what did you actually say to his ex?
what’s the point in talking in riddles on an anonymous forum?

Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:13

Devonshiregal · 15/04/2023 08:59

  1. you shouldn’t get into slinging matches with her.
  2. he has to co parent so will just take the easiest route to keep the peace
  3. she sounds better at manipulating the situation than you are - she’s been sneaky and two faced and therefore looks like the good guy, you cracked and pulled her up on it in public so you look like the crazy irrational jealous one
  4. you have the right to be supported by your husband in private, (even if he keeps the peace in public by allowing his exW’s bad behaviour so it doesn’t impact their kid) so you should think about why it is he isn’t on your side.

Thank you Devonshiregal. At least you understood what I was saying. Nobody behaved well, but people could have make efforts not to affect the children. If children were not involved I could have defended myself. Dont need any husband for that, but I shut up and silently went to the door not to cause issues. I was not escorted by the boyfriend (to whom I did absolutely nothing), but by a GROUP of people as if I was a troublemaker and other than a private comment, I didnt cause drama.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:16

niugboo · 15/04/2023 12:00

She says alcohol was involved. We all know
what that means.

Show quote history

You clearly know nothing. I do NOT drink.

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 16/04/2023 02:51

I think you should try to explain what happened again, with a bit more clarity around exactly what was actually said by all parties. You’ll get more useful responses that way.

Testina · 16/04/2023 02:53

“and other than a private comment, I didnt cause drama.”

The crux of the incident which you refuse to share.

HoneyIShrunkThePizza · 16/04/2023 03:02

What did you say you didn't like? What exactly did you say to whom? Without that information it's really hard to unlock what's happened.

Linio · 16/04/2023 03:34

That is quite some drip feed. I vaguely remember you posting about it at the time.

Firstly, you notably don’t tell us what you said to the ex which led to the kick off. You point out that she said it to you once so why can’t you say it to her. Well, what did you say? If it wasn’t that bad and none of this was your fault, tell us what you said.

Secondly, it’s his children’s mum and family. Of course he can’t cut them out!

niugboo · 16/04/2023 08:06

FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:06

I know 4 languages, lets see how you write in other languages and if you make a mistake, blame it on your alcohol intake. If you have nothing useful to say, just move on to another post. I do not get drunk lady.

Show quote history

Sure you do 😂

niugboo · 16/04/2023 08:07

FeelingSoSad2 · 16/04/2023 02:16

You clearly know nothing. I do NOT drink.

Show quote history

Rubbish. You’ve clearly stated alcohol was involved. You didn’t say they were drunk. You’re blatantly back pedalling because people aren’t taking your side.

Whattodoaboutpox · 16/04/2023 08:15

I would expect any partner of mine to behave with integrity and in the interest of tje children. Like an adult. All of this behaviour sounds awful and I would be horrified if my children witnessed it. You are not 15

Isiteveningyet · 16/04/2023 08:20

Oh op you need to stop. 😂 you can’t stand the ex, are jealous, had issues with her and her mates before, a shouting match outside if I remember right, fronted up uninvited to her house foe a party and made a bitchy comment, confronted them and were kicked out.

and as for invited by the daughter, getting a child to say you can come and then going there isn’t on and you know it.

your husband is right, he should never have let you go. Youd no right to be there, and the reason the ex has to come to your house is due to the child handovers. You’ve no reason to front up at hers and try ri attend her party she was hosting and you know it.

Linio · 16/04/2023 09:21

Isiteveningyet · 16/04/2023 08:20

Oh op you need to stop. 😂 you can’t stand the ex, are jealous, had issues with her and her mates before, a shouting match outside if I remember right, fronted up uninvited to her house foe a party and made a bitchy comment, confronted them and were kicked out.

and as for invited by the daughter, getting a child to say you can come and then going there isn’t on and you know it.

your husband is right, he should never have let you go. Youd no right to be there, and the reason the ex has to come to your house is due to the child handovers. You’ve no reason to front up at hers and try ri attend her party she was hosting and you know it.

Yes, this is all starting to ring a bell!

I did remember OP wasn’t as innocent as she’s making out but couldn’t remember the detail.

Good memory!

MRex · 16/04/2023 09:37

Testina · 16/04/2023 02:53

“and other than a private comment, I didnt cause drama.”

The crux of the incident which you refuse to share.

OP is angry the ex is allowed to her house to collect kids, and making a point, so I'm betting it was something like "I can come to your house whenever I want".

Do I win 3 jaegerbombs and a bottle of wine OP?

Testina · 16/04/2023 09:43

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