to think my bf shouldn't have dumped me for sending his Mum a letter

[brokenheartedvalentine]

We fell out in september over something silly and I sent some texts to his mums phone. I offered to write and apologise (I was reallly sorry for dragging her into it) when he found out but he told me to leave it.

The other week he mooted my seing her again and possibly getting re-engaged (this was called off at Christmas since he refused to tell his parents cos I have a dd and he lied to them about her when we first met ). I duly presented myself at his flat last weekend but we didn't go around there since his mum was upset over something else. I decided to try and break the ice myself and wrote a letter apologising to her for what I'd done and asking for a fresh start. she got it today and rang him in a flap - she was going to a funeral which I wasn't aware of but I feel it's an overraeaction. It wasn't easy to write this letter or to post it - I carried it around for a week before I did.

upshot is I've been dumped and forbidden to contact him or her again. I just wanted to put things right - hell, be friends with her. I've been friends with ex bfs mums so why not her? i'm not really a pushy person even though it sounds like it.

I'm so unhappy now.

well done for taking control.

Just seen this thread and have to say that your ex sounds like the one with the problem not you. He seems to think that you cant manage without him and now that you are getting on with things and he is seeing how wrong he is, he cant accept it.

Some men need to dominate their partners because other people control them, in this case his mother and by treating someone else horribly it makes them feel important.

I think you are well shot of him and need to concentrate on yourself (and dd) for a while. Do as someone else said and cease all contact, I expect he will keep on for a while but just ignore him.

Hope things work out for you, just keep reminding yourself that you do not need a man in your life to be happy, you have a wonderful dd and by the sounds of it a loving family

Thank you so much for your kind words.

I'm wondering now had I stood up to him earlier, would it have made any difference to how he treated me? Or would it have made him angrier with me for defying him? It was so wonderful in the beginning so when did it go wrong?

Just spoke to my x-bil (he rang up about something quite unrelated but he happened to ask me if I was seeing anyone) who was astounded when I said we'd been dating for 2 years, that we'd been engaged for 5 months and he was a bit of a control freak. He asked me why I'd let it go on so long and I didn't have an answer . There does seem to ahve been a whole veil of secrecy drawn over the affair. Which is fairly unlike me as anyone who knew me in RL would say. How can people change their personalities so much to appease someone else? .

I mean me doing the appeasing - although he was calling me a stupid fecking bitch (amongst the nicer words) and completely unreasonable.

F* hell what a buckethead he sounds. Resign from his company and have no further contact with him, you can do so much better (and i don;t mean ' you will find a Nice man' more that being without that one is infinitely better than being with him).

I have just downloaded the form to resign from the Co. House website - posting it first thing tomorrow! Would do it now but there's no post collected til about 9.30.

Thought I'd update this thread a wee bit. I have been to an inital session at Relate but now I have to wait about 10-12 weeks for my slot. I really want to talk about stuff now so this is frustrating for me . He has offered to come to Relate with me (we attended the initial session together) and it seeemed to go quite well (the counsellor picked up on the latent anger in both of us and also told him that he didn't seem to be letting me speak). However since then, he's told me that I do not have an opinion worth having and reply from me in relation to what he says is tit for tat!!

All he is doing is making me realise that, yes I do have an opinion and if he likes it or not, he can't tell me what to think about our relationship. Does he really think that I'm not entitled to my opinion or own thoughts???!

He doesn't want you to have an opinion on anything - he wants you to be a puppet instead.

Get your phone provider to block his numbers if you can, block any emails and refuse to answer door if he comes to see you.

You don't need to see him anymore - all it will do is bring you down. SO cut him out.

Get out - he is unlikely to change adn this won't do you any good.

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like that. Can you imagin what it will be like in 10yrs time?

Tell him to get lost and refuse any further contact.