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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so annoyed with my partner?

101 replies

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:27

First family holiday booked with my partner and our new baby ( 6 months old ) booked for next week. Due to fly out on Saturday.

I've been really, really looking forward to it, as our last holiday, ( 2021), was cancelled at very short notice due to very close family funeral, ( very sudden and unexpected illness, deterioration and death) . Prior to that , our holiday before that was cancelled as we both got positive covid PCR tests a few days before hand, ( back when mandatory 10 day isolation was a legal requirement).

Anyway I organized babies first passport, booking etc. When I booked everything 8 weeks ago, I asked my partner if he had booked the week off as annual leave.

He said yes, then transferred me his 50%.

However it has transpired yesterday he has a different idea to the rest of the planet about what booking annual leave means.

He said to his manager that we were going to go on holiday around Easter, his manager said, "that',s nice, let me know when you have the dates sorted so we can book it off," ( he works in security so direct cover needs to be arranged).

Anyway my partner then had the following text exchange yesterday with his manager, ( he showed me the texts when he got back from work).

Partner: Hi Steve just letting you know me and "Easter bunny," are going to Malta next week.

Manager: T* you need to ask before booking a holiday and policy is you have to give at least two weeks notice. I'm not sure I can arrange a weeks cover at two weeks notice. ( and in my experience two weeks notice is a lot more reasonable than a lot of companies,).

Partner: But I told you we were looking at going on holiday around Easter.

Manager : But you never came back and actually booked exact dates , so I assumed you hadn't booked it .

Anyway manager has spoken to partner on the phone this morning, said as there has clearly been a misunderstanding he will try his best to arrange cover but cannot guarantee anything. We are waiting to hear back. Partner asked if the company would refund the holiday costs (!) Unsurprisingly manager has said no, but will do best to arrange cover.

I don't feel comfortable taking baby by myself, and I doubt many friends will be able to take a weeks holiday with two days notice either.

My partner has gone to work and said it's unfair me and his manager are annoyed at him. I'm waiting to hear any news.

My partner says he didn't fully understand how annual leave works , as he's not from the UK , ( he's an EU migrant and has lived and worked in the U.K for five years as a P.A.Y.E employee, and taken several holidays, including ones with me....)

I'm just very annoyed, partner thinks it's an easy mistake to make and me and his manager shouldn't be so annoyed with him.

OP posts:
easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:29

Sorry that was meant to say a week's cover at two working days notice....

OP posts:
potatowhale · 12/04/2023 14:30

I can't believe he asked if they'd reimburse the holiday costs!!!

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 14:31

Does he have a contract - I'd make sure he understands what it says

gamerchick · 12/04/2023 14:31

Has he never booked AL before like ever?

HerRoyalStressHead · 12/04/2023 14:32

No wonder you're annoyed. And how bloody cheeky of him to ask the manager to reimburse the cost!

TheJudgeandJury · 12/04/2023 14:32

I think his manager is being very reasonable with him. He's worked in the UK for five years and knows what the deal is.

Yanbu to be annoyed at him.

Can't believe the cheek of him thinking the company should pay his holiday costs though..

Coffeellama · 12/04/2023 14:32

I don’t think it’s relevant that he’s not from the UK, he’s worked here for atleast 5 years. If someone gets a job at 16 then by the time they are 21 they are more than capable/knowledgeable at booking annual leave. Id be surprised if in any other county you don’t actually have to book time off and you can assume your boss will guess and cover things on the off chance. He is BU!

SocksAndTheCity · 12/04/2023 14:33

Ask his manager if he would like to come with you? He sounds nice Smile

SpecialControlGroup · 12/04/2023 14:34

YANBU at all. Your partner is an absolute idiot to think a vague 'we are thinking of going away around Easter' without giving any firm dates, would constitute an actual holiday booking. Particularly in a job where cover has to be arranged

Exhibity · 12/04/2023 14:34

Your partner is a div .

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:35

gamerchick · 12/04/2023 14:31

Has he never booked AL before like ever?

Yes definitely booked annual leave before as he's been on several trips back home and we've been on a couple of seaside based UK holidays together.

Normally he worked places that didn't need long notice for annual leave but I assume he has always okayed the dates with work before he/ we booked anything .

OP posts:
Greensleevevssnotnose · 12/04/2023 14:36

That's such a shame. Hopefully it will work out

GimmeSleep · 12/04/2023 14:37

Bloody hell I book the time off work before I even book the actual holiday just in case 😂

As PP says; he's a div!

Codlingmoths · 12/04/2023 14:37

His manager must be thinking is this guy really this stupid? Op, start planning solo holidays with you and bub. Don’t book anything you can’t go on your own. Do not cancel a holiday because of his incompetence, just let him miss out.

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:38

SocksAndTheCity · 12/04/2023 14:33

Ask his manager if he would like to come with you? He sounds nice Smile

Manager was actually very reasonable and said please actually officially book leave before booking a holiday again but in this instance I will try my best to arrange cover.

He has said to his manager on the phone this morning ( he was at home when he made the call) "my girlfriend's very angry with me so please help" and the manager has said he will try but cannot guarantee anything...

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 12/04/2023 14:42

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:35

Yes definitely booked annual leave before as he's been on several trips back home and we've been on a couple of seaside based UK holidays together.

Normally he worked places that didn't need long notice for annual leave but I assume he has always okayed the dates with work before he/ we booked anything .

2 weeks is not a long notice

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:43

I'm trying to think whether it would be feasible to go alone .

I do have one friend who's work is very generous with short-notice annual leave, but I'm not sure if she'll enjoy sharing with a baby , ( although my daughter generally sleeps through the night, she may play up in a new environment).

OP posts:
easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:44

Coffeellama · 12/04/2023 14:42

2 weeks is not a long notice

I don't think it is.

His manager said to him that the company requirement of minimum two weeks notice is actually shorter/ more reasonable than a lot of workplaces, and I agreed...

OP posts:
easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:48

I do think he has some funny idea's about leave in general though. His dad died, ( sudden and unexpected heart attack, previously healthy) , a couple of months after he moved to the UK. At the time he didn't return home for the funeral as he assumed you weren't allowed time off. It was only when he mentioned it to his then- manager, ( different company), that they were horrified and said of course they would grant annual/ compassionate. leave to go.

OP posts:
Zanatdy · 12/04/2023 14:48

I doubt there’s a company in the world that wouldn’t grant leave for funeral of a parent! I hope he gets this sorted, so annoying

roarfeckingroarr · 12/04/2023 14:50

I loved going away with my son alone when he was little. We went for a few long weekends and weeks away from baby age to 2.

CordyLines · 12/04/2023 14:51

I don't think he wants to go....

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:51

Zanatdy · 12/04/2023 14:48

I doubt there’s a company in the world that wouldn’t grant leave for funeral of a parent! I hope he gets this sorted, so annoying

I mean in fairness, this was five years ago and at that point he'd only been in the U.K two months and English was more limited so I can understand why perhaps that got misunderstood. But it seems his attitude to A/L entitlement has swung from one extreme to the other...

OP posts:
Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 12/04/2023 14:53

Is he usually so unbelievably stupid?

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:54

CordyLines · 12/04/2023 14:51

I don't think he wants to go....

I asked him that, but I'm not so sure . He has paid his half , has brought stuff for himself for the holiday, ( swimwear etc) , and is moaning about being outside in the cold at work...

Also I could be naive but I don't think he is avoiding the baby as he generally seems to like spending time with her...

OP posts: