To be so annoyed with my partner?

[easterbunny999]

First family holiday booked with my partner and our new baby ( 6 months old ) booked for next week. Due to fly out on Saturday.

I've been really, really looking forward to it, as our last holiday, ( 2021), was cancelled at very short notice due to very close family funeral, ( very sudden and unexpected illness, deterioration and death) . Prior to that , our holiday before that was cancelled as we both got positive covid PCR tests a few days before hand, ( back when mandatory 10 day isolation was a legal requirement).

Anyway I organized babies first passport, booking etc. When I booked everything 8 weeks ago, I asked my partner if he had booked the week off as annual leave.

He said yes, then transferred me his 50%.

However it has transpired yesterday he has a different idea to the rest of the planet about what booking annual leave means.

He said to his manager that we were going to go on holiday around Easter, his manager said, "that',s nice, let me know when you have the dates sorted so we can book it off," ( he works in security so direct cover needs to be arranged).

Anyway my partner then had the following text exchange yesterday with his manager, ( he showed me the texts when he got back from work).

Partner: Hi Steve just letting you know me and "Easter bunny," are going to Malta next week.

Manager: T* you need to ask before booking a holiday and policy is you have to give at least two weeks notice. I'm not sure I can arrange a weeks cover at two weeks notice. ( and in my experience two weeks notice is a lot more reasonable than a lot of companies,).

Partner: But I told you we were looking at going on holiday around Easter.

Manager : But you never came back and actually booked exact dates , so I assumed you hadn't booked it .

Anyway manager has spoken to partner on the phone this morning, said as there has clearly been a misunderstanding he will try his best to arrange cover but cannot guarantee anything. We are waiting to hear back. Partner asked if the company would refund the holiday costs (!) Unsurprisingly manager has said no, but will do best to arrange cover.

I don't feel comfortable taking baby by myself, and I doubt many friends will be able to take a weeks holiday with two days notice either.

My partner has gone to work and said it's unfair me and his manager are annoyed at him. I'm waiting to hear any news.

My partner says he didn't fully understand how annual leave works , as he's not from the UK , ( he's an EU migrant and has lived and worked in the U.K for five years as a P.A.Y.E employee, and taken several holidays, including ones with me....)

I'm just very annoyed, partner thinks it's an easy mistake to make and me and his manager shouldn't be so annoyed with him.

There have been other instances, yes.

I do think there is an element of learned helplessness, e.g he managed perfectly fine for 3 years here but now asks me to book his GP appointments etc as " it's easier when you do it, you won't make a mistake."

My worry now would be the impression he has left with his manager who is probably less than impressed by being put on the spot. I doubt he will forget it in any great hurry. He may hope he is the perfect employee from now on! I do hope you get away, I would be absolutely fuming.

What an idiot. Think his EU national excuse is dickish and he’s looking for someone to blame.

I’m surprised he hasn’t blamed you for not reminding him. Or has he?

Please stop taking on the mental load, you are not his secretary!

I am a single parent and my best holidays were when dc1 was little it can be done and enjoyed solo. People are really helpful when they see your on your own. The first time I went on my own I sat on the plane and cried with worry and amazement that I'd actually got this far and how I'd cope, it was a great holiday. I did loads of sightseeing with dc in a sling or pushchair, took loads of books and spent lots of time sat in cafes on seafront when dc was asleep.

Yes, you are very capable of going on your own and you will have a great time! So please do that. Just check whether you need a declaration at the airport that your partner is fine with you taking your son on your own.
On your own you'll be much more at ease following your own schedule and finding out what works best for the two of you. I dare say there were many times on holiday with my kids that I wished I didn't have my partner there as sometimes it makes small decisions much more complicated (and then I'm even ignoring the fact that partner tends to spend most time sleeping on holiday).

Yes, his manager does sound less than impressed with it all

He ended the call this morning with "stop squawking at me T* , I will do my best to arrange cover and let you know asap ," and then hung up.

He ended the call this morning with "stop squawking at me T

I think I’m in love with his manager 🤣

I hope you don’t book his appointments for him OP he is a grown man not a child.

I get that he’s not from this country but his boss did tell him to let him know the dates and it doesn’t take a genius to work out that the more notice they have, the more chance they’ll get cover.
He’s definitely been a bit of an idiot.

Tbh from just the few things you’ve said about him I’ve got the ick already.

The manager sounds lovely though!

He's now whining via WhatsApp , " my regular passengers say it's an easy mistake to make, ( he's security at a train station). Yes cos you are whining at them whilst they are stuck in the cold and can't walk off cos they are waiting to get their train...

If he's unable to get the leave, I do have the option of asking my ( retired) aunt if she would like to go at short notice, but her husband has quite significant disabilities so I'm not sure how confident she's be leaving him ...

How long has he been with his current employer op? Leave request procedures vary massively between companies and it's very possible he really didn't understand the procedure here.

OP I have lived and worked in EU countries and the situation regarding leave is pretty similar to here. I think your DP has just been a bit of an idiot and he knows it.

Since November 2021

Yes I do think the "couldn't help not knowing cos I'm not from the UK " is just a cop out excuse.

You are right to be annoyed.

It doesn't sound like he wants to go TBH.

I've worked in several European countries. In each one you talk dates, then book leave (from work) and have it confirmed, and then you book and pay for your holiday

Your BF sounds a bit dim, tbh

🤣🤣

Do you have a friend who works from home? They might not be able to take much leave but they may be able to work from the holiday country during the day then hang out with you in the evenings? I know I'm allowed to do this at my company, I just have to tell them where I'm going and for how long so they can ensure I have what I need.

That sounds like a good solution if he can't come.

My partner has gone to work and said it's unfair me and his manager are annoyed at him.

I had to admit I laughed out loud when I read that sentence.
He's made you and his managers sound like his parents - he is the wounded innocent and its the fault of you two dragons.
Is he always like this?

I cannot fathom what you could find attractive with such a brainless waste of space. People living in EU countries typically have annual leave to and many EU employees will have had a bereavement. I would be embarrassed if my husband was so useless in the workplace, I bet he is considered an absolutely dick. What a nice boss he has though.

Other instances of stupidity? Like what?

I would be so pissed off and so turned off by such ineptitude. Ugh.

Really hope it works out for you OP.

Just a word of warning about falling in to the " you're better at it than me " trap...don't !

Tell him practise makes perfect.

My DH did similar last week so I understand and feel your pain. I took my eldest DC abroad for his 13th birthday and DH was supposed to book annual leave to take our other DC to our seaside holiday home for a few days. Literally the day before I was due to fly he informed me he forgot to book the annual leave so could only take DC to the seaside for one evening over the weekend and had to get MIL to come watch them the other days while he was at work. The fun trip to the seaside for DC was gone and instead they had to sit at home with MIL. Was fuming with him.

No idea how some men make it through life tbh, they seem to need to be constantly micromanaged.

Mainly not thinking before he speaks.
We have friends who have very sadly experienced recurrent miscarriage, which means that so far they have been unable to have children. He is fully aware of this and genuinely sympathetic.
However when they asked us if we'd like more children , he replied, of course, "we don't want to be the idiots in the village with only one child," which in the circumstances was highly embarrassing.

When we were TTC DD , we stayed at my sister's for Xmas. She was cooking eggs on Xmas Eve. asked how he wanted them , ( meaning scrambled or fried) , and he burst out laughing and said , " well Easterbunny hoping for hers fertilizer" as a joke, but it was a bit awkward.

About a year ago his colleague was sacked and given a suspended scentance for indecent images of children. We recently went to a local playgroup together, and he made a joke about, " haha bet John from work would love it here," and was then very awkward when people asked why and he had to explain.

So definitely not thinking before he speaks.