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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so annoyed with my partner?

101 replies

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:27

First family holiday booked with my partner and our new baby ( 6 months old ) booked for next week. Due to fly out on Saturday.

I've been really, really looking forward to it, as our last holiday, ( 2021), was cancelled at very short notice due to very close family funeral, ( very sudden and unexpected illness, deterioration and death) . Prior to that , our holiday before that was cancelled as we both got positive covid PCR tests a few days before hand, ( back when mandatory 10 day isolation was a legal requirement).

Anyway I organized babies first passport, booking etc. When I booked everything 8 weeks ago, I asked my partner if he had booked the week off as annual leave.

He said yes, then transferred me his 50%.

However it has transpired yesterday he has a different idea to the rest of the planet about what booking annual leave means.

He said to his manager that we were going to go on holiday around Easter, his manager said, "that',s nice, let me know when you have the dates sorted so we can book it off," ( he works in security so direct cover needs to be arranged).

Anyway my partner then had the following text exchange yesterday with his manager, ( he showed me the texts when he got back from work).

Partner: Hi Steve just letting you know me and "Easter bunny," are going to Malta next week.

Manager: T* you need to ask before booking a holiday and policy is you have to give at least two weeks notice. I'm not sure I can arrange a weeks cover at two weeks notice. ( and in my experience two weeks notice is a lot more reasonable than a lot of companies,).

Partner: But I told you we were looking at going on holiday around Easter.

Manager : But you never came back and actually booked exact dates , so I assumed you hadn't booked it .

Anyway manager has spoken to partner on the phone this morning, said as there has clearly been a misunderstanding he will try his best to arrange cover but cannot guarantee anything. We are waiting to hear back. Partner asked if the company would refund the holiday costs (!) Unsurprisingly manager has said no, but will do best to arrange cover.

I don't feel comfortable taking baby by myself, and I doubt many friends will be able to take a weeks holiday with two days notice either.

My partner has gone to work and said it's unfair me and his manager are annoyed at him. I'm waiting to hear any news.

My partner says he didn't fully understand how annual leave works , as he's not from the UK , ( he's an EU migrant and has lived and worked in the U.K for five years as a P.A.Y.E employee, and taken several holidays, including ones with me....)

I'm just very annoyed, partner thinks it's an easy mistake to make and me and his manager shouldn't be so annoyed with him.

OP posts:
Finnished · 12/04/2023 21:13

Most EU countries have better employment conditions than UK, but even in them , basic things like booking a holiday still applies, so his "Europeanness" isn't the problem here!

Have a think before you have more babies with him at least.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2023 22:18

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 20:34

Anyone been on holiday by themselves with a six month old ? is it bearable ?

Far more fun than going with an idiot.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/04/2023 22:20

But, in answer to your question - I had a blast in my mat leave with my pfb. Once she'd got her passport, what 4 months in, we went everywhere all over Europe. I was breastfeeding and she was tiny and happy in a sling so I think we went on about 6 little European city breaks over the year. Go for it.

Singularity82 · 12/04/2023 22:30

I would go alone if you can’t find a friend or relative to take.
6 months is a great age-they’re pretty low maintenance o. Holiday at that age. I found the hardest age was toddlers-need eyes in the back of your head!
You might miss a bit of adult company, but it will be really relaxing overall. Enjoy some lovely warm weather, beaches, glass of wine, nice food and lots of books.

SD1978 · 12/04/2023 22:42

Another vote here for going alone. If you do the majority of the childcare anyway, it's no different but in a nicer location! You can go to the beach, paddle, sit somewhere nice for lunch and do naps whenever you need to. If you can get someone who will find it fun to go with you both though, that could also be nice. I would be planning to go regardless!!

TheyAreMyBhunasPete · 12/04/2023 22:51

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 16:08

Mainly not thinking before he speaks.
We have friends who have very sadly experienced recurrent miscarriage, which means that so far they have been unable to have children. He is fully aware of this and genuinely sympathetic.
However when they asked us if we'd like more children , he replied, of course, "we don't want to be the idiots in the village with only one child," which in the circumstances was highly embarrassing.

When we were TTC DD , we stayed at my sister's for Xmas. She was cooking eggs on Xmas Eve. asked how he wanted them , ( meaning scrambled or fried) , and he burst out laughing and said , " well Easterbunny hoping for hers fertilizer" as a joke, but it was a bit awkward.

About a year ago his colleague was sacked and given a suspended scentance for indecent images of children. We recently went to a local playgroup together, and he made a joke about, " haha bet John from work would love it here," and was then very awkward when people asked why and he had to explain.

So definitely not thinking before he speaks.

The last bit 😂😂😂😂

Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 12/04/2023 22:52

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 20:34

Anyone been on holiday by themselves with a six month old ? is it bearable ?

You’re the capable one. It would be great. I liked going on road trips and adventures, just me and my baby. It was bonding and good fun.

Plus it’s got to be better than going with that idiotic social hand grenade you’re in a relationship with.

He must be hot AF because he’s thick as shit and you clearly are not.

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 12/04/2023 22:57

I think it will be better than not going. Imagine sitting at home while he is at work thinking oh, I could be on holiday right now! You'd want to bloody end him by the end of the week. Go and make the best of it.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/04/2023 23:00

I mean, he's minimising pedophilia. Yikes. Go on that trip alone and consider your options.

OliveToboogie · 12/04/2023 23:11

He sounds disgusting, inept, course and entitled. Sorry don't get what you see in him at all. Play group comment repulsive.

Shoxfordian · 12/04/2023 23:28

It sounds like you need to move your bar to basic competent adult op; I don’t see how this happens to someone tbh. He’s an idiot.

Codlingmoths · 12/04/2023 23:35

You can definitely do it! The trickiest bit is getting there with luggage, but take a pram and a wheely bag and a backpack and hang the nappy bag on the pram. Are they rolling everywhere? If so pack a couple of extra towels to make barriers, enough nappies etc and some baby snacks and baby food pouches that you don’t have to hurry to get to the shops so you have time to work things out. Take a baby carrier so you can go for a wander pram free. People are really helpful if you’re on your own with a baby too. 6 months is a great age :)

he sounds like prince Philip and incompetent to boot. Not a compliment.

HaggisBurger · 12/04/2023 23:39

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 14:56

There have been other instances, yes.

I do think there is an element of learned helplessness, e.g he managed perfectly fine for 3 years here but now asks me to book his GP appointments etc as " it's easier when you do it, you won't make a mistake."

You need to nip that in the bud pronto.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 12/04/2023 23:55

easterbunny999 · 12/04/2023 15:04

Yes, his manager does sound less than impressed with it all

He ended the call this morning with "stop squawking at me T* , I will do my best to arrange cover and let you know asap ," and then hung up.

I really feel for you, honestly. If you can, I'd advise to go it alone or with a friend or family member, for head space if nothing else. Wishing you the best, I'm sure your head is fried x

Soleiro · 12/04/2023 23:55

Your partner sounds very new to this working stuff!

BadLad · 13/04/2023 00:06

He has said to his manager on the phone this morning ( he was at home when he made the call) "my girlfriend's very angry with me so please help"

This is probably the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read on this forum.

easterbunny999 · 13/04/2023 11:39

Ahhhh so his manager texted this morning to say , ",I've just managed to get cover so you can go but next time give the required two weeks notice ok" so looks like we are going 😊

I've checked his passport to make sure it's in date , ( it is) , as could just imagine getting to the check out desk and finding it had run out 🙈

"D"p seems very happy and has thanked his manager and has gone out for a celebratory breakfast before work, ( he's doing late shift).

Given our previous luck with holidays I'm not sure I'll believe we're going until the plane takes off !!

OP posts:
easterbunny999 · 13/04/2023 11:50

But yes, I've definitely made it very clear not to let this happen again !!

OP posts:
Ithurtsthebackofmyeyes · 13/04/2023 11:52

easterbunny999 · 13/04/2023 11:50

But yes, I've definitely made it very clear not to let this happen again !!

Good luck. I hope you have a nice time, in spite of your clusterfuck of a partner. 😬

readbooksdrinktea · 13/04/2023 13:36

That's a very accommodating boss.

psyonicwaves · 13/04/2023 13:45

Really glad to hear it all worked out in the end. Ignore all
the pearl clutchers saying he's "minimising paedophilia" 🙄 - it was clearly a joke and it made me laugh.

nomoredriving · 13/04/2023 14:00

Enjoy your break! Alls well that ends well!

easterbunny999 · 13/04/2023 14:53

readbooksdrinktea · 13/04/2023 13:36

That's a very accommodating boss.

Yes TBf his manager has been good although has made it clear he doesn't want it to happen again

OP posts:
foulksmills · 13/04/2023 15:14

I'd be getting the manager a present as a thank you.

Ktime · 13/04/2023 15:16

foulksmills · 13/04/2023 15:14

I'd be getting the manager a present as a thank you.

Why would OP get the present? He’s not her boss!

Very happy for you, OP!