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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husbands work colleague

98 replies

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 12:21

Okay so my husband has this younger work colleague who he sometimes mentions in terms of they have a joke or conversation in passing. The other week I went with him to his work on a Bank holiday when no one else was supposed to be in, but she was and we bumped into her in the corridor. She wasn’t expecting my husband there and didn’t notice him at first. He said “Hi Angela (not real name) and she said “oh hi Rob what are you doing here” and he replied he was getting something from the office. She then very briefly looked at me but looked straight down at the floor and wouldn’t make eye contact or acknowledge me. We went then and carried on walking. Apparently the next time my hub is saw her she pretended “it was nice to meet your wife” but didn’t make eye contact when she said it. He has mentioned the jokey “saucy” banter between them all in the office and my spidery senses are on high alert.

what would any of use think to this if it was your husband and work colleague?

OP posts:
tattygrl · 12/04/2023 13:29

Sounds to me like she has a crush on him and finds it a downer that he's married, hence her less than friendly response to you. I think it's a shame, though, that you don't trust any man around younger women.

DontLikeMenthols · 12/04/2023 13:30

I think it’s pretty shit that you even know half of this stuff about her. You shouldn’t know what jokes she tells, how she doesn’t make eye contact, that she asked to see pictures etc - he is going out of his way to tell you stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable which is so unfair. It’s almost as if he is revelling in the fact that it’s making you uneasy.

PricklyFoot · 12/04/2023 13:33

It sounds to me like you'd been agitating with DH about why he was going into the office and who'd he see whilst there, so he said come.

He's probably also told his colleague about his mad wife who doesn't trust him with any younger women. Either she knows you're right not to trust him or she's offended that you'd think that of her without even meeting her.

It is also weird that he didnt introduce you and that he relayed the eye contact and banter things to you, especially if he knows you're the jealous type. Does he encourage/enjoy your insecurity?

Forgooodnesssakenow · 12/04/2023 13:34

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 12:33

He asked me to go with him.

my husband has told me that she has a “potty” mouth sometimes and can be pretty dirty in her jokes sometimes. Also she once asked to see a pic of his wife. I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned.

Women who refer to other women as females ar ea bit of an internalised mysogynistic red flag

Also not trusting any man? Really? If I didn't trust my husband I wouldn't be with him. Would I expect him never to think 'gosh she's got a nice bum' or whatever? No because we all eye people up, but to act on it? No way.

Original poster
Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:34

There was one thing he didn’t tell me though - it slipped out at a get together with one of his male work colleagues house, we’d gone for dinner with him and his wife and had a few to drink and hubbies work mate let it slip that this woman at work had spotted his zip down on his flies and offered to do it up for him!! We had a blazing row about it later that night and he said that was why he didn’t tell me cause he knew how it looked.

OP posts:
WisherWood · 12/04/2023 13:36

I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned.

That will just be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your suspicions will just push people away.

I trust my DP not to cheat, as much as it's possible to trust anyone. So in this situation, I wouldn't think anything of it. Mind you, he wouldn't engage in saucy banter or say someone had a potty mouth, so Confused

Seeingadistance · 12/04/2023 13:36

SaltedButty · 12/04/2023 12:26

It is weird how he described what happened the next time he saw her

This.

GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 13:42

When I was young and single it always amazed me how defensive married women were with me around their cruddy husbands. I used to wonder what the hell they thought a goddess like me would be doing with an old fart like that.

LadyLapsang · 12/04/2023 13:42

I think your DH may be at risk of disciplinary action if he carries on having saucy banter with younger female colleagues, especially if she is his junior.

GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 13:42

That said there were plenty of women who would - cruddy or not.

Seeingadistance · 12/04/2023 13:44

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:12

It was a very quick meeting. She literally just asked what he was doing in and as he was answering her, she glanced at me and then looked away sheepishly and said oh right and carried on walking. There wasn’t the time for introductions.

Show quote history

She was probably just embarrassed because she reckoned you were there for a shag in the office - maybe on the boss’s desk.

Original poster
Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:44

LadyLapsang · 12/04/2023 13:42

I think your DH may be at risk of disciplinary action if he carries on having saucy banter with younger female colleagues, especially if she is his junior.

I know! I have warned him!

OP posts:
GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 13:45

I thought the post was going to say that they both suspected the colleague of stealing stationery or something.

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 13:49

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:34

There was one thing he didn’t tell me though - it slipped out at a get together with one of his male work colleagues house, we’d gone for dinner with him and his wife and had a few to drink and hubbies work mate let it slip that this woman at work had spotted his zip down on his flies and offered to do it up for him!! We had a blazing row about it later that night and he said that was why he didn’t tell me cause he knew how it looked.

Oh

Noorandapples · 12/04/2023 13:50

If any woman is totally cool with their husband having saucy banter with a young woman who can't even look them in the eye, they're naive at best. I'm not saying he's having an affair, but come on, she at the very least is lining that up.

philautia · 12/04/2023 13:52

@Cherylscustardpies
I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned

Errrr say what now??

How old are you both?

GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 13:55

If he is feeling a bit nervous about it all perhaps he knew she was going to be in and stopped by to show her that you really do exist, that he is a happily married man.

Original poster
Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:55

We’re both in our late 30s.

OP posts:
GanjaDhin · 12/04/2023 13:57

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:55

We’re both in our late 30s.

That makes a difference in my mind. Your spider sense might be tingling for a reason. Others can give you better advice as I am hopeless at advice.

FrodisCapering · 12/04/2023 14:00

Just trust your gut. In my experience mine has never let me down.

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 14:02

Why does your husband think saucy bantz is appropriate? Is he trying to get fired?

Iamintochampagne · 12/04/2023 14:03

What good qualities does he have?

FishChipsMushyPeas · 12/04/2023 14:05

Im cringing a bit for the pair of them but especially after that offering to do up his flies comment.

I would say they have plenty of flirty banter at work which is why she was embarrassed when she met you.

I am not impressed with him mentioning to you that she said something without making eye contact - why say that if not to make you feel like there was something to worry about?

Stravaig · 12/04/2023 14:06

This isn't about her. This is about your DH telling you about 'saucy banter at the office' 'colleague with a potty mouth' 'insincere nice to meet you' 'offering to zip him up'. HE is the problem here.

IF any of this is actually true - it may not be - the entire office culture is ripe for a #MeToo moment, and DH is on track for a sexual harrassment accusation. He's likely already stepping out on you, or testing your boundaries for when he does.

However if it's NOT true, or exaggerated, then ask yourself why your DH is telling you these things. He is deliberately trying to make you feel insecure, and playing you off against other women in his life. I bet it's not limited to women he works with either.

He's not a keeper.

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 14:07

Yeah this is about him being a disgusting leachy man