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Original poster

Husbands work colleague

98 replies

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 12:21

Okay so my husband has this younger work colleague who he sometimes mentions in terms of they have a joke or conversation in passing. The other week I went with him to his work on a Bank holiday when no one else was supposed to be in, but she was and we bumped into her in the corridor. She wasn’t expecting my husband there and didn’t notice him at first. He said “Hi Angela (not real name) and she said “oh hi Rob what are you doing here” and he replied he was getting something from the office. She then very briefly looked at me but looked straight down at the floor and wouldn’t make eye contact or acknowledge me. We went then and carried on walking. Apparently the next time my hub is saw her she pretended “it was nice to meet your wife” but didn’t make eye contact when she said it. He has mentioned the jokey “saucy” banter between them all in the office and my spidery senses are on high alert.

what would any of use think to this if it was your husband and work colleague?

OP posts:
sausage767 · 12/04/2023 12:42

She was probably self conscious because he didn’t introduce you or acknowledge your presence.

Possibly her saying ‘it was nice to meet your wife’ was a sarcastic jab at him for not introducing you, which went over your DH’s head.

KrisAkabusi · 12/04/2023 12:43

what would any of use think to this if it was your husband and work colleague?

I wouldn't think anything at all because nothing happened! If your only suspicion is that two colleagues are in work at the same time, and you even say yourself that she wasn't expecting him to be there, you have a lifetime of suspicion ahead of you. And that's not natural or fair on your husband.

randomuser2019 · 12/04/2023 12:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

Amantissima · 12/04/2023 12:49

sausage767 · 12/04/2023 12:42

She was probably self conscious because he didn’t introduce you or acknowledge your presence.

Possibly her saying ‘it was nice to meet your wife’ was a sarcastic jab at him for not introducing you, which went over your DH’s head.

That's a fair point, actually. I didn't note that the husband didn't say 'X, here's Y', or that the colleague didn't say hello and introduce herself -- though perhaps in her shoes, her embarrassment came from the fact that the person who should have made the introductions didn't?

I think I'd feel deeply odd if I went into DH's workplace, encountered a co-worker, and he didn't introduce us, unless the person was very obviously in a tearing hurry or visibly hated DH. If DH doesn't introduce me to someone he knows from a work context, I know it's because he's forgotten their name, so I shake hands and tell them who I am in the hope of eliciting it -- but that's clearly not the case here...? Is your DH poor at social niceties, OP?

ElsieMc · 12/04/2023 12:55

A shy, socially awkward person does not usually make saucy banter in the office and have a potty mouth, nor have the confidence to ask to see a pic of his wife. I know lots of cool partners on here say you have trust issues, but you were there, you weren't particularly suspicious before but your instincts are telling you something is off. So it probably is.

Darkernights · 12/04/2023 12:59

Ponoka7 · 12/04/2023 12:28

He's got mentionitis and she's got something that she feels uncomfortable about. I'd say that your gut reaction is correct.

What OP describes is her husband occasionally relating stuff about his day and funny things colleagues say. Doesn't everyone do that? Its normal.

Mentionitis would be continually mentioning a particular colleague, at odd and random times which tells you they are constantly on his mind. (Such as an Ex did, finally going too far when he randomly related a 'funny' anecdote about her when we were in the bath together...)

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 12/04/2023 13:02

I would be furious. But then I'm a jealous woman.

Forgetaboutme · 12/04/2023 13:03

I don't agree with the idea that you cant be both shy but also have the confidence in the office for having a potty mouth / asking to see a picture. I am shy with anyone I first meet but quite out there in the office with colleagues I know well.

I doubt theres anything going on. I think you need to address not trusting any man. No point being with someone you dont trust, always gonna be younger women here and there.

Back2Back2t · 12/04/2023 13:05

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Amantissima · 12/04/2023 13:06

ElsieMc · 12/04/2023 12:55

A shy, socially awkward person does not usually make saucy banter in the office and have a potty mouth, nor have the confidence to ask to see a pic of his wife. I know lots of cool partners on here say you have trust issues, but you were there, you weren't particularly suspicious before but your instincts are telling you something is off. So it probably is.

That post hadn't been made when I replied. I suppose with that extra information as if it sounds like the colleague has an ongoing fnar fnar 'bantz' situation with the OP's husband, and, having asked to see a picture of his wife (what a weird thing to ask a colleague!), she was suddenly embarrassed by the wife actually showing up in the work place as an actual real human being, which also meant the colleague was tongue-tied by not being able to relate to the OP's DH in her usual manner.

She sounds like a bit of an idiot, and the whole 'saucy banter' thing sounds repellently juvenile, but in the OP's shoes I'd be more concerned about whether I actually wanted to sleep with a man who found this kind of thing engaging, than them ripping one another's clothes off in the photocopy room.

Rogue1001MNer · 12/04/2023 13:06

I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned.

That's an awful statement. You've lost any sympathy or empathy I may have had for you

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 13:08

Apparently the next time my hub is saw her she pretended “it was nice to meet your wife” but didn’t make eye contact when she said it. who told you that and why.. shit stirrer. Maybe she fancies your husband and was disappointed to find he had a wife. Or maybe she is just shy.

potatowhale · 12/04/2023 13:09

I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned. you have issues

NigellaAwesome · 12/04/2023 13:11

It sounds like she has a crush on him. Whether or not your DH has done anything to encourage that crush is another matter.

My DH had similar - a younger more junior woman in his workplace hung off every word he said. I don't think he encouraged it, but I think he was quite flattered.

I accompanied DH to a wedding of a colleague when I was 6 month's pregnant and her face when she saw me & my bump said it all. The woman couldn't make eye contact with me.

I would speak to your DH about how vulnerable he is making himself by being part of a 'saucy banter' workplace.

Deathbyfluffy · 12/04/2023 13:11

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 12:33

He asked me to go with him.

my husband has told me that she has a “potty” mouth sometimes and can be pretty dirty in her jokes sometimes. Also she once asked to see a pic of his wife. I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned.

It's a shame your view of men is so jaded - perhaps that's the area you ought to focus on rather than your husband innocently going about his business.

Most men are absolutely fine to be in the presence of younger women without wanting to jump on them - I work with several, but as I'm married and not interested I just get on with my job.

Jellytotsburnmytongue · 12/04/2023 13:12

If you don't trust younger females there could be a chance you could have been warningly glaring at her and that's why she's avoided eye contact?

mewkins · 12/04/2023 13:12

Oubliette86 · 12/04/2023 12:30

She then very briefly looked at me but looked straight down at the floor and wouldn’t make eye contact or acknowledge me.

Did you leave part of the interaction out? Did your husband actually introduce you? Did he say Angela, this is my wife Cheryl?

Yes I'd say she was embarrassed about NOT being properly introduced to you. I don't think this is a sign of anything though. I sometimes don't introduce my boyfriend because I'm certain he has met the other person before 😬

I think she's probably shy. You're sure able to tell from tone of voice whether there's any more to their relationship.

Original poster
Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 13:12

Amantissima · 12/04/2023 12:49

That's a fair point, actually. I didn't note that the husband didn't say 'X, here's Y', or that the colleague didn't say hello and introduce herself -- though perhaps in her shoes, her embarrassment came from the fact that the person who should have made the introductions didn't?

I think I'd feel deeply odd if I went into DH's workplace, encountered a co-worker, and he didn't introduce us, unless the person was very obviously in a tearing hurry or visibly hated DH. If DH doesn't introduce me to someone he knows from a work context, I know it's because he's forgotten their name, so I shake hands and tell them who I am in the hope of eliciting it -- but that's clearly not the case here...? Is your DH poor at social niceties, OP?

Show quote history

It was a very quick meeting. She literally just asked what he was doing in and as he was answering her, she glanced at me and then looked away sheepishly and said oh right and carried on walking. There wasn’t the time for introductions.

OP posts:
BigglyBee · 12/04/2023 13:12

OP, I think you are looking for problems where none exist. Are you a bit bored generally?

QueenSmartypants · 12/04/2023 13:14

He didn't introduce the pair of you - her reaction seems pretty normal in light of that. And you could interpret her saying it was nice to meet you without making a contact as a dig at his poor manners.

SmoothSeasDoNotMakeGoodSailors · 12/04/2023 13:14

If your spidey senses are tingling listen to them. I was where you were 5 years ago, H is now ex-H and they are now married.

Fandabedodgy · 12/04/2023 13:23

I wouldn't think any of it because I trust my DH and I'm not into reading into glances and looks of people I don't know.

MimiSunshine · 12/04/2023 13:27

She was probably in the office on a BH so she could steal the paper lips or something.

she clearly didn’t want to stop and talk to anyone in case they all fell out of her waistband. Hence why she carried on.

Either that or they were supposed to meet up for office sex, he asked you to go with him, thinking you’d say no so then he had to get her attention quickly before she striped off.

probably not likely either. Sounds like she just didn’t want to talk.

WandaWonder · 12/04/2023 13:28

Cherylscustardpies · 12/04/2023 12:33

He asked me to go with him.

my husband has told me that she has a “potty” mouth sometimes and can be pretty dirty in her jokes sometimes. Also she once asked to see a pic of his wife. I don’t trust any man where younger females are concerned.

For the love of all things normal, please tell us you are joking?

TheFireflies · 12/04/2023 13:28

If your spidey senses are tingling listen to them.

This is good advice for people with normal, healthy attitudes to relationships. Given what OP has said about “younger females” I don’t think her spidey senses would be particularly reliable.

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