To be annoyed that private school parents are demonised?

[Imsorryyoufeelthatway]

Starting this threat to vent and as an antidote to the Closing all private schools would benefit state schools thread. In short, I'm a bit fed up with private school parents being bashed for buying a better education for their children, while parents who 'don't believe in private education' and spend a fortune on homes/second homes/rental properties in catchment areas for 'good' state schools then another fortune on tutors seem to get off scot free.

I'm also fed up with private school parents all being lumped in the same category. We're not all selfish, mega-wealthy, Bullingdon Club (or female equivalent, if there was one...) alumni; many of us are ordinary people (I'm a working class lass from a council estate whose parents worked as cleaners and in warehouses) who've worked bloody hard to be able to afford a better start in life for our children than we had. We were the first people in our families to go to university (on full grants, when they existed), the first to have careers not just jobs, and the first to own our own homes. No-one has ever handed us a penny – my DH got the train to university with £4.50 in his pocket and had to get a job straight away to buy food. No bank account, no trust fund, no-one paying his rent. We've managed to achieve social mobility against the odds, yet we're not allowed to celebrate this because we've chosen to invest in our children's future rather than over-priced property in 'good' state school catchment areas.

Yes, we all know that private schools are a major cause of inequality. Parents like us have literally lived and breathed that inequality our whole lives and we'd do anything to prevent our children having to do the same. We think that all children should have access to high quality education in safe, inspirational environments where they can achieve their potential, not just ours. But most state schools in the UK just cannot meet this requirement. We also know that if catchment areas for state schools were mixed-up, and the schools in deprived areas had an influx of children from more affluent areas and vice versa, then this would likely make things more equal over time. But our children are not part of a social experiment. In short, if those of us who had difficult starts in life and went to terrible schools choose to work our arses off so our children don't have to, can't we be given some credit?

So please, the next time you're tempted to lump a private school parents into the same category and give them a bashing, take a moment to consider their reasons and background. Rant over.

You're entitled to send your child to private school. I'm entitled to judge you for it. Which I do - in the same mild way that I judge all sorts of choices people make (I definitely would describe it as demonizing).

I have friends who've chosen to send their kids to private schools, and I do honestly think a little bit less of them for it. But only a bit - it doesn't mean I dislike them.

There's often a 'why this made sense in our particular circumstance' justification for choosing private education, as you've given, OP. We all make choices which we think make sense for our circumstances every day. We make those choices according to our options and our values. For many people, private school wouldn't be an option and/or would go against their values.

Well, yes that's why families exist and try to do the best for the children they have or have adopted or fostered. The result for the children who don't get that is often grim. But there's only a certain amount 'what ifing' an employer can do. If a candidate doesn't have the background and skills to make them suitable for the job, the employer isn't going to be able to make up fir the lack of parenting.

Oops sorry! Quoted the wrong poster! Yes, I entirely agree. As I said upthread, this country needs to invest in early years. Early intervention is the key, as opposed to trying to fix the problem later at job recruitment stage.

Your attempts to make me feel guilty just aren't going to work. I know that I and the other parents work very long hours doing our best to make sure people get the best health care, education, welfare etc. that we can offer. We also pay very high taxes. Knowing our own kuds and getting the best care possible while we get on with our jobs helps us to do well at work. It's not an ideal system, and not how I'd like it, but we're doing nothing wrong.

Why on earth do your 'friends', have to justify their reasons to you. Their reasons are their reasons, it's irrelevant what you or anyone else thinks of it.

This reads like such nonsense.
Do you judge anyone for buying a nicer car, more exotic holiday, sharper haircut than you?!!!
What a bore you sound, judging people spending their own hard earned post tax income in whatever way they like

Just to say, I’m team Private school and agree 100% with you OP!

team Private school

🙄

@Nimrode - I actually think we're agreeing with each other in a way. I'm saying they can do what they like, and I can think what I like! I think it's possible to coexist as friends and not approve of all each other's choices. I was saying it's possible to disagree with private schooling without demonising anyone.

@Lapland123 Maybe 'judge' is too harsh a word for it in day to day life - see what other people are doing and how that reflects on their values (as you see it) and how their (perceived) values chime with your own. And people tend to adopt stronger positions/more extreme versions of their own views on an anonymous forum such as this. To be fair, that's probably what the OP was doing by talking about feeling 'demonised', which was the thing that grated for me about the post.

The only problem with private schools is that not everyone can access then. Perhaps some sort of voucher scheme would widen parent choice?

There is nothing immoral about spending money on one’s children’s education. It’s much better than buying most other expensive things. Education is a positive good and it is a parent’s responsibility.

It’s expensive, and that why we make a good version available for free funded by the tax payer. If a parent wants something else and is prepared to pay that’s their shout.

I don't think we are. You are saying you think 'a little less' of your friends for choosing private schools. You've also said There's often a, 'why this made sense in our particular circumstance' justification for choosing private education, as you've given, OP which implies, you are not buying it or their reasons are not compelling enough in your opinion.

In a way, you are looking down / eye rolling (for want of a better word) at their reasons and choices. Why are you even friends with these people whom you seem to despise, even though you say, you only judge them 'a little'?

@Nimrode Fair enough.

I can assure you I don't despise my friends. I think it's possible to hold different values and maintain a friendship.

I may not be expressing myself terribly well. I think it's possible to disagree with private education without being a horrible judgemental person, as I do. I think it's possible to choose private education without being a horrible person, as some of my friends have. I wouldn't/haven't done so myself because it doesn't align with my values (or tbf, financial priorities).

I am happy for people to make choices. If people as said above think less of those who pay schools but themselves could afford to pay there is an argument the other way - that 500,000 children's parents (fee paying number) save the state £8k a year or whatever a state palce costs they are heroes of the nation who should perhaps get free university education in return as they have saved the state and the less well off so much money. They shgould get prizes for their good citizenship.

I would like to sign that petition, free uni if you paid school fees!

That is one of the silliest things I've read on here, and that's saying something.

😆😆😆

this is such a stupid post I can only believe it’s meant to be amusing

but then again it’s mumsnet …

😘

I love this

My only problem with private schools is the parents in my area using the private primaries to get a place at the excellent state grammars which push out the normal kids who by rights would get in but can’t because of highly tutored private school kids. If you can afford private then stick to it and leave the state fair game for those of us who can’t.

The existence of grammar schools is your issue here. Everyone is entitled to sit the 11+ (which is absolutely fair) and as this thread has shown, there is now a growing sour attitude towards "spoon fed" privately educated job/uni candidates. I'm sure these affluent parents are well aware of how many people view private schools. So they may opt for grammar over private school if given the choice (and money/SEN/etc were not factors in their decision). Means their kid will go to a great school and the kid will not need to prove their worth to pre-judgey people who shortlist for these places/jobs.

What a pile of crap.

Nobody sends a child to private school for altruistic reasons or to save the state money. And sending your child to a private school doesn't save poorer families money.

If you can afford it and think a private school will suit your child better, have at it, but at least own the decision rather than posting some ridiculous nonsense like this garbage.

@Refrosty that absolutely isn’t the case everywhere with grammars though. I’m in Torbay, one of the most deprived areas of the country which happens to have 3 grammar schools. There’s a single prep school which has less than 20 kids per year and has been on the verge of closing for the last decade. Not all grammar schools are filled with prep school kids or those that have been tutored for years. I used to live in Kent though and it was absolutely the case there. My dc was at a local village primary and I was bombarded with advertising for tutors from reception age.

Lol. Only @Xenia could write this sort of crap.

I tell you what. As these "heroes of the nation" are so hell bent on community service, how about they send their own kids to state schools and they pay the private school fees for children from disadvantaged backgrounds instead? That way, they will still be saving the state a shed load of money, but the funds will be concentrated in those children who stand to benefit from private education the most. As their motivation is to selflessly serve society, rather than to purchase privilege for their own children, I'm sure that they will be happy with this simple switch. In exchange, they will get a prize for their good citizenship and their kids will get their university fees waived. What do you reckon?

' You're entitled to send your child to private school. I'm entitled to judge you for it.'

Exactly. You're not being 'demonised' but if you start a thread specifically asking for opinions on the topic then you'll be given opinions, not all of which you'll agree with