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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect to pay excessive amount as we're family.

601 replies

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 14:15

In laws brought themselves a caravan on a haven site a year ago. Decided to spend some pension money on it.
the site fees have renewed and have gone up just like everything else in life.
They don't rent it out and we only use it as family.
Anyway father in law has just charged his own son £75 for 3 nights to use it. He owed me money for ordering him a new tablet and doing him a favour so took the money out of that which I couldn't afford to lose.

Before the season started he mentioned charging £25 a day but nothing else happened and no mention of it again before we went.

He's also charged brother in law £150 to use but they paid upfront.

Am i being unreasonable to feel this is a lot to charge your own children and £10 or so a day would be sufficient. I'm not convinced I spend £25 a day heating and lighting my 3 bed home. They get their passes included with the caravan for 10 people.

Husband won't challenge it because it won't make any difference.

OP posts:
SpudleyLass · 11/04/2023 17:52

I'd say a set rate is a very good idea, rather than ''voluntary contributions''. No resentment then, over who has paid more and what they're ''getting for their money''.

I'd be more than happy to pay £25 a night for what would otherwise be a LOT more expensive and to tidy up after myself, which should be expected anyway.

If I couldn't afford what they were asking for, I simply wouldn't go.

Montymorency · 11/04/2023 17:54

For a family of 4 that's £6.25 each per night. £6.25! you couldnt even stay at home that cheaply.

Redbone · 11/04/2023 17:54

The vote speaks for itself ! 91% of people think that you are expecting something for nothing and YABU!

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 17:54

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 17:45

I do thanks

Show quote history

When?! You've just said your parents for for everything and you deeply resent paying a minuscule contribution to your in laws?

nomoredriving · 11/04/2023 17:55

Montymorency · 11/04/2023 17:54

For a family of 4 that's £6.25 each per night. £6.25! you couldnt even stay at home that cheaply.

But OP wants it for £2.50 per night!

RuthW · 11/04/2023 17:55

It would nearly cost that to get it cleaned afterwards

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 17:56

BeachBlondey · 11/04/2023 17:36

But PIL would be maintaining it either way. It's not like the Op ages the caravan or wears it out.

Yes, £25 is cheap, but who on earth charges their own kids, unless they are piss poor, in which case they should sell the bloody thing.

Show quote history

@BeachBlondey exactly

OP posts:
Thegoodbadandugly · 11/04/2023 17:57

£25 a night for a family holiday is cracking.

WingingItSince1973 · 11/04/2023 17:57

OP I know you're getting a hard time on here but I find people expecting freebies from family quite odd. We had a static caravan part shared with my parents. I was happy for people to use it but would expect the cost of electric and gas to be covered as others have said in a caravan can mount up. Also on our site we had to pay separately for Wi-Fi, water rates and other things. Our caravan was on a private run site with passes to the pool and entertainment, they provided lots of children's activities in the school hols and always had free boat rides and fishing lakes. Anyway as much as it was lovely to be there we ended up selling as the fees were getting beyond a joke. When it's your own property and it's a costly one you do get protective over it. Can you imagine all and sundry expecting a freebie and misusing the place? It's lovely you take great care of it and do the laundry etc. I would have been more than happy to have you stay but also would have liked the gas and electric covering as it does all add up and as we wouldn't have been using it it's only fair. Maybe he's said £25 blanket rate so everyone is paying the same and there's no quibbles. Xx

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 17:59

BeachBlondey · 11/04/2023 17:30

I think the important thing here, is that PIL do not rent out their caravan as a way of making money.

If they charged say £300pw, and were almost always fully booked, then maybe it would be fair to charge the children to stay, because the children staying would be causing a dent in their income. But they don't rent it out, so it literally costs them nothing (or peanuts) when the children stay.

I would not charge my kids a penny! If you can afford to buy a caravan you can afford to treat your kids. Some people are just weird.

Thanks @BeachBlondey

OP posts:
diddl · 11/04/2023 17:59

Perhaps they felt that what you voluntarily contributed the other times you stayed wasn't enough so decided to set a rate.

It's not as if it was a complete surprise to you!

nomoredriving · 11/04/2023 18:00

@Boop1e so you think the PILs should sell
It, because they charged you a minuscule amount?

Tell us how much it would've cost to book direct?

Also, wear and tear costs and you'd cause some, utilities cost and you would use some.

So it's not a matter of if you weren't there it costs the same, you cause more cost by being there!

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 18:03

AddieLoggins2 · 11/04/2023 17:50

Reading the comments on here makes me extremely grateful for having the family I do! This feels like a weird Mumsnet thing where once your child reaches adulthood you should immediately stop caring about them, stop helping them out with anything and basically start treating them like acquaintances. I'm so glad my parents and In-laws aren't like that.

This sums it up perfectly:

Yes, £25 is cheap, but who on earth charges their own kids, unless they are piss poor, in which case they should sell the bloody thing.

I would never pay to stay in my immediate family's caravan (and I include in laws)! And nor would I ever even think to charge my close friends/family to stay in mine. I know my family would never expect any money from us to stay.

So what if it's cheaper than booking a holiday, this isn't the same at all.

In the case of someone buying a caravan, or other holiday let, with the intention of renting it out to strangers then the accommodation was presumably bought with the intention of the income from the holiday makers covering the initial outlay + overheads and running costs.

I presume your PIL would still use the caravan themselves and wouldn't sell up if you and other family members stop using it? In which case the site fees will have to be paid regardless of whether you stay or not.

I guess the cost of electricity/gas is different, because they wouldn't have been paying for that if you weren't there. But I can't imagine charging my own child for a bit of gas/electricity, unless they really don't have the money - in which case they should maybe think about selling the caravan!

@AddieLoggins2 thanks for your support. Spot on.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 11/04/2023 18:04

Think of it like a car. If you borrowed a relative's car for 3 days, would you not bother to refuel it before you returned it? Or even offer money towards the fuel you used? Would you really drive it around for 3 days, use up the fuel, then walk away and expect the owner to pay for more petrol...

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 18:06

WingingItSince1973 · 11/04/2023 17:57

OP I know you're getting a hard time on here but I find people expecting freebies from family quite odd. We had a static caravan part shared with my parents. I was happy for people to use it but would expect the cost of electric and gas to be covered as others have said in a caravan can mount up. Also on our site we had to pay separately for Wi-Fi, water rates and other things. Our caravan was on a private run site with passes to the pool and entertainment, they provided lots of children's activities in the school hols and always had free boat rides and fishing lakes. Anyway as much as it was lovely to be there we ended up selling as the fees were getting beyond a joke. When it's your own property and it's a costly one you do get protective over it. Can you imagine all and sundry expecting a freebie and misusing the place? It's lovely you take great care of it and do the laundry etc. I would have been more than happy to have you stay but also would have liked the gas and electric covering as it does all add up and as we wouldn't have been using it it's only fair. Maybe he's said £25 blanket rate so everyone is paying the same and there's no quibbles. Xx

@WingingItSince1973 I'd not thought of the flat rate, no arguments theory

OP posts:
Winter2020 · 11/04/2023 18:06

Parker231 · 11/04/2023 17:01

We have a holiday home in the South of France - owed by my DM and three of her cousins. They inherited it together with a fund to maintain it. Anyone in the extended family is welcome to stay without charge. Bookings are made via my DM who checks whether anyone else has already booked it. DH and I were there for a month last summer and DH’s parents came over from Canada to join us.

And this is a perfect example of how people take the piss when something is free.

Four people own this holiday home (in quote above) so there could easily be 20 people that would like to stay in it. But because it is free and DM manages the bookings Parker booked it for a month in the summer. Bet the other owners and their families loved that.

Original poster
Boop1e · 11/04/2023 18:11

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 17:54

When?! You've just said your parents for for everything and you deeply resent paying a minuscule contribution to your in laws?

Show quote history

I didn't say my parents pay for everything all of the time. We pay our way and work.
for example they're taking the grandchildren for a couple of days to the coast and won't take any money but I don't have to justify myself to you

OP posts:
Thisgroupneverceasestoamazeme · 11/04/2023 18:16

Are they generous in other ways?

My PIL are generous with things like offering to pay a lump sum for new carpets if we’re decorating which would never occur to my mum and dad. However, I asked them for a favour what would put them out and take up their day off …think along the lines of helping with driving car loads for a house move, which in my family would be a given, and I was really taken aback when they said no because they’d get stuck in traffic. Instead my parents travelled 4 hours to help. At the time I was put out and then I came to realise they just have a different set of norms and values in their family. Didn’t mean either was right or wrong, just different. Sounds like you’re expecting your in laws to think like your parents and do what they would do in the same situation. If you look at it objectively you’re getting a bargain. A few quid a night per person

Shadow1986 · 11/04/2023 18:16

We are owners on a haven site and site fees and bills are well over £10k a year! 25 a night is so cheap and you need to remember they are doing you a massive favour by letting you have a holiday/get away so cheap. If you booked via haven it would cost you hundreds and hundreds for a weekend stay. We don’t really let anyone use ours because of attitudes like yours where people just forget the expense we have to pay out and expect to use it for nothing - no offer of contributions and even moan about things while having their free holiday!!

BraveFaceScaredInside · 11/04/2023 18:17

If I could afford to buy a Caravan on a site there's no way I would expect my children/children-in-law to pay me 'rent'.

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 18:17

Boop1e · 11/04/2023 18:11

I didn't say my parents pay for everything all of the time. We pay our way and work.
for example they're taking the grandchildren for a couple of days to the coast and won't take any money but I don't have to justify myself to you

Show quote history

Of course you don't have to justify yourself to me.

The thread is literally about your indignation at being asked to pay £75 for your holiday, though, because you think it should be free 😂

JudgeRudy · 11/04/2023 18:17

I don't think your ILs should have to subsidise your lifestyle. If they would like to, and are financially able to do this all well and good but now they can't. At £25 a night you're getting a good deal. The very fact that they've had to borrow money off you tells me they don't have much.
What sort of son would make his elderly father pay back spare money they had lent him when they know he's struggling financially? Don't like that? Same thing though.
The rental was agreed before hand. Those are the terms, just as you chose to lend him £ which he agreed to pay back.
What's he charging for high season in summer holidays? He's already subsidising you.

Divorcedalongtime · 11/04/2023 18:17

Seems really cheap tbh, I thought you were going to say hundreds and that would have been unreasonable

nomoredriving · 11/04/2023 18:19

@Boop1e you don't have to justify yourself, you're correct, but you do think you should get freebies because your parents give you freebies.

toomuchlaundry · 11/04/2023 18:21

Is there any point in time that adult DC getting freebies from their parents, treat their parents? Ever treated them to a holiday? Will you still be expecting them to finance your holidays in their 90s?