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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Babysitter on her phone all the time

95 replies

Notthissongagainffs · 11/04/2023 13:43

This week for the holidays I agreed to have a babysitter for my Dd, almost 5 for a few hours everyday whilst I work part time (out of the house) She’s a neighbour and I know her mum, they’re a nice enough family, she’s around 20…I’ve only ever had older sitters when Dd was a baby
Dd really loves her, but is so hyper when I get home and often says they don’t play with toys etc, but the babysitter sits on the chair on her phone.
Would this bother you if you’re Dc was happy?
I’m wondering if I should leave out some bits next time…paper & pens, plasticine, jigsaws etc 🤷🏻‍♀️I mean, it’s all there so she can see..or should I just leave them to it?

OP posts:
shutthewindownow · 11/04/2023 16:17

Notthissongagainffs · 11/04/2023 13:55

@SunshineGeorgie She’s a babysitter, it’s for one week a few hours

For a few hours I really wouldn't mind as long as your daughter is safe Maybe just say next time could you all walk the dog please

Original poster
Notthissongagainffs · 11/04/2023 16:43

I think I’m also maybe a bit over cautious as the thought of them going for a walk in the woods just makes me feel a bit weird 🤷🏻‍♀️Just a bit anxious, like is something happened to the girl etc, I realise that’s over the top, there’s no cars and just fields to run free. So hard to put your full trust in someone else…in the house feels ok
She doesn’t have a car yet, so can’t take her to playgrounds etc

OP posts:
Muddays · 12/04/2023 05:53

So your child has been safe with this probably minutely paid but caring babysitter so far. If she is not doing enough then by all means launch her into unrealistic nanny status and demand Latin lessons, robust exercises around the garden and artistic activities on canvas and easel for the first hour or so.

knittingaddict · 12/04/2023 06:08

MagpiePi · 11/04/2023 13:59

Sounds like you haven't made it clear what you want from her.

To me, babysitting is being in the house and making sure the children are kept safe, maybe feeding them and putting them to bed if you know them, or just being there when they are already in bed. If you want a nanny who interacts with your child, then you need to tell her that's what you want.

This.

Words matter and determine people's perception of what is expected.

Babysitters are low skilled people paid a pittance to make sure a small child is safe at home while the parents go out. I've done it myself without pay and most of the time it is watching telly while the children are in bed.

What you seem to want is a child minder on a babysitters wage. No wonder it's going pear shaped. The situation is of your own making.

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:22

As everyone has said, she is a babysitter, not a nanny.

You are paying her £8.78 an hour. Don't be expecting baked cookies and dog walks for that.

Also, I was a fully qualified nanny by her age, so please stop with the "she's too young" crap. She's not too young, she's being paid to mind your child, not to be Mary Poppins.

I'm willing to bet that she isn't on her phone all day. Just feels like that to your child.

Hillrunning · 12/04/2023 06:29

Babysitters are there to orevent the child getting hurt and comforting if they miss thier parent. That's all.

Hayliebells · 12/04/2023 06:37

She may well think that babysitting is just being there to make sure your DC is safe. That's what an evening babysitter would be doing, they'd mostly be sitting in your living room watching TV/whatever, whilst the children are sleeping. They're not a childcare professional, so may not really know how to interact with children. If you do want them to do activities etc, you need to tell them, but likewise they may no longer want the job. Professional childcare, either via an ad-hoc nanny agency, school holiday club or a crèche, may be more appropriate for your needs. Our local leisure centre has a crèche where children can be left for up to two hours, or there's things like e.g. Tennis clubs for a couple of hours a day in the school holidays.

Hayliebells · 12/04/2023 06:39

And to add, this really hinges on how much you are paying them. Are you paying them a (albeit unqualified) nanny rate, or a babysitter rate? If you're just paying them the going rate for baby sitting, you're unreasonable to expect much in the way of interaction, like you'd expect from a nanny.

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 06:42

Hayliebells · 12/04/2023 06:39

And to add, this really hinges on how much you are paying them. Are you paying them a (albeit unqualified) nanny rate, or a babysitter rate? If you're just paying them the going rate for baby sitting, you're unreasonable to expect much in the way of interaction, like you'd expect from a nanny.

She is paying her €10 a hour which is £8.78.

She's being paid as a sitter.

Theelephantinthecastle · 12/04/2023 06:44

I would expect a babysitter to play with my child. Not necessarily all day long but I definitely expect more than them just being around to call the fire brigade.

I don't think the OP is expecting a full Montessori experience just pulling out the toys and games that are in the house, that's not hard.

I think this is a bit like the MN thing where cleaners don't tidy, they only clean. IRL, my babysitters have always played with my kids and my cleaner tidies too!

Having said that, my 5 year old would say I am always on my phone and don't play with him but it's 100% not true so I wouldn't assume your child is being truthful - not deliberately lying but overemphasising

Hayliebells · 12/04/2023 06:46

Oh, just read your posts, and no, you're not paying them enough for nanny services (at least not in the UK, maybe it's different where you are), and I would not let her take your DC on a dog walk. A babysitter taking responsible for both a dog and a relatively young child is too much. What if something happened to the dog? Would the babysitter have the common sense to leave the dog and stay with the child? What if the dog got into a fight with another dog, would the babysitter know what to do to avoid the DC getting hurt? I'm a dog owner, and wrangling both dog and child requires a whole other level of skill!

GoodChat · 12/04/2023 06:47

It sounds like they are playing. You're paying her to keep an eye on your child which she's doing.

Just tell her your DD seems really comfortable with her so you're happy for them to do the dog walk if she still fancies it.

Ingrowncrotchhair · 12/04/2023 06:48

Hire someone who is an actual sitter

IfYouDontAsk · 12/04/2023 06:52

If your DD is happy (and safe) and you’re coming back to a tidy house for 10 Euros an hour, and this is a one week arrangement with a neighbour’s DD I would honestly just leave things as they are.

GiltEdges · 12/04/2023 06:56

Hayliebells · 12/04/2023 06:46

Oh, just read your posts, and no, you're not paying them enough for nanny services (at least not in the UK, maybe it's different where you are), and I would not let her take your DC on a dog walk. A babysitter taking responsible for both a dog and a relatively young child is too much. What if something happened to the dog? Would the babysitter have the common sense to leave the dog and stay with the child? What if the dog got into a fight with another dog, would the babysitter know what to do to avoid the DC getting hurt? I'm a dog owner, and wrangling both dog and child requires a whole other level of skill!

How bloody patronising. The sitter is a 20 year old woman FGS.

HAF1119 · 12/04/2023 07:00

I'd probably leave saying too much if overall you're happy with the arrangement

Maybe get some stuff out to make a card if there's a birthday coming up and say can she do that with her, or mention where the football is so they could go in the garden

I guess if you actively mention some activities and they don't happen due to just sitting on phone it may not be ideal, bearing in mind it's fairly early in the arrangement and people tend to get more lapse over time in jobs!

Seeleyboo · 12/04/2023 07:04

AIIie · 11/04/2023 13:49

Is this a paid babysitter?

Oh god. I saw this comment, and under it was an advertisement with an old lady in it collecting weeds. I assumed she was the babysitter and wondered A, how did you know her too and B, she looks older than 20. Grin

roses2 · 12/04/2023 07:32

You're paying her to work both sit on her phone. I'd ask her to engage a bit more. Hopefully she probably just doesn't realise than just being lazy but definitely ask her to put her phone away and play.

Sortyourlifeout · 12/04/2023 07:36

roses2 · 12/04/2023 07:32

You're paying her to work both sit on her phone. I'd ask her to engage a bit more. Hopefully she probably just doesn't realise than just being lazy but definitely ask her to put her phone away and play.

She's absolutely not paying her to work.

She is paying her to watch and keep her child safe.

MrsRickAstley · 12/04/2023 07:43

We're there no holiday clubs locally ?

Belltentdreamer · 12/04/2023 07:57

Ask the babysitter to do an ‘I spy’ list with your daughter to take to the fields/woods. That way your daughter can draw some nice pictures of what’s there “stream”, “acorn”, “bird” practice yer writing then be focused and engaged with the babysitter whilst out, ticking them off the list.
for in the house activities - how about baking? Or a focused craft type activity - such as making an all about me book with pictures etc “my hair is brown”, “my sister is” etc etc
or could you get them a Lego set to do together - take a few hours but be a calm activity

Whinge · 12/04/2023 08:02

Belltentdreamer · 12/04/2023 07:57

Ask the babysitter to do an ‘I spy’ list with your daughter to take to the fields/woods. That way your daughter can draw some nice pictures of what’s there “stream”, “acorn”, “bird” practice yer writing then be focused and engaged with the babysitter whilst out, ticking them off the list.
for in the house activities - how about baking? Or a focused craft type activity - such as making an all about me book with pictures etc “my hair is brown”, “my sister is” etc etc
or could you get them a Lego set to do together - take a few hours but be a calm activity

Those are all lovely ideas, but if the OP (or anyone) wants that level of engagement they need to pay for professional childcare. A babysitter shouldn't be expected to bake, practice writing or provide educational activities. Their role is to supervise the child, and it already sounds like this babysitter is going above an beyond by tidying the house and offering to walk the dog.

Rumplestrumpet · 12/04/2023 08:03

Yes she should be playing with your kids. And she's 20 ffs not 12. Of course she should be responsible enough to take a child for a walk in the Park.

I had a smiling set up when I was 20. I probably let them watch too much TV, but I also played with them and took them to the Park. We had fun and I got some extra money for the holidays

Belltentdreamer · 12/04/2023 08:14

Whinge · 12/04/2023 08:02

Those are all lovely ideas, but if the OP (or anyone) wants that level of engagement they need to pay for professional childcare. A babysitter shouldn't be expected to bake, practice writing or provide educational activities. Their role is to supervise the child, and it already sounds like this babysitter is going above an beyond by tidying the house and offering to walk the dog.

Show quote history

Whilst I see where you’re coming from I think someone that is being paid 10eph can get a few pens and paper out and engage. Maybe they don’t HAVE to legally but surely it’s a nicer faster day for everyone if they do, the child is 5 so a great age to engage and be with. I don’t think a few focused activities is a lot to ask. Even as an adult is there anything worse when you’re trying to talking/engage someone and they are just sucked into their phone. It’s the same for a child.

I would trust the babysitter to get the child out and about - if she’s in the house all day no wonder she’s hyper when you get home! It’s not like she’s a wild two year old who might leg it, she’s a five year old who should be able to walk alongside an adult safely.

Lcb123 · 12/04/2023 08:17

If it’s casual and she’s not a professional childcare, I’d deal with it by asking her to do specific things each day, and definitely get out the house as much as possible as that’s why DD is hyper