Babysitter on her phone all the time

[Notthissongagainffs]

This week for the holidays I agreed to have a babysitter for my Dd, almost 5 for a few hours everyday whilst I work part time (out of the house) She’s a neighbour and I know her mum, they’re a nice enough family, she’s around 20…I’ve only ever had older sitters when Dd was a baby
Dd really loves her, but is so hyper when I get home and often says they don’t play with toys etc, but the babysitter sits on the chair on her phone.
Would this bother you if you’re Dc was happy?
I’m wondering if I should leave out some bits next time…paper & pens, plasticine, jigsaws etc 🤷🏻‍♀️I mean, it’s all there so she can see..or should I just leave them to it?

I don’t actually mind if she doesn’t actively do lots of activities with her, it was just the phone thing…I wasn’t sure

In terms of the dog, she has her own that we often see when walking ours and Dd loves the small dog. She actually suggested to take the dogs for a walk one day, at first I was hesitant but it’s only one door down and could actually be a good way of getting Dds energy out etc

Dd told me they were tickling and jumping about on her bed and our bed, which I don’t love, Dd has some things in our room as often comes in to sleep with us at night, so our room isn’t off limits, but to the babysitter 🤷🏻‍♀️I’ll just have to say to dd to not go into our room

It will only be this week and then she’s asked if we want babysitting some weekends if we want to go out, which we will now do…so a more *Typical babysitting scenario
We’re abroad and pay her €10 per hour, the average where I am is €8-15 (€12-15 for qualified etc)

I'm puzzled that a 20 year old is not in a full time job?
She is a babysitter and nothing else. If she didnt have the phone the TV is there too. She is doing a favour for you and not the child.
If this is for a week only, don't expect much from a babysitter other than to make sure the child is safe at all times while you are out.
The best thing for the child would be a day nursery where staff are trained and good for your child to meet other kids too.

I think I’ll just leave it as Dd is happy and she was safe, plus the house kept tidy etc which is great
I think perhaps in this casual role, I can’t really expect more?

@Wiseflower She’s at college/university and it’s her holidays, she can only do holidays and weekends

@Wiseflower My child is at school, it’s school holidays and I only needed cover for a few hours this holiday

It sounds like you're giving slightly mixed messages to her and also contradicting yourself a bit.

You'd like her to be more engaged with your dd but said no to the dog walking which she suggested.

Your dd has said that the babysitter is on her phone all the time but has also been having fun which you disapprove of (tickling and jumping on the bed).

Maybe she does play with your dd and isn't constantly on her phone but that's how it feels to your dd because she's sometimes on her phone when your dd wants her attention.

@cariadlet I don’t mind, just not our bed, feels bit weird

I think the dog walk is a good idea now, if she’s happy to do it

I think it's fine tbh. If you want childcare that includes activities etc then I expect you'd have to pay a lot more than you're paying her

I think it’s a bit much to expect an unqualified 20-year-old to assume responsibility for a young child and a dog whilst out of the house tbh. I wouldn’t have been confident to do that at her age, especially not if I didn’t know the child or family really well.

She’s not a childcare professional, she needs guidance. Leave some craft materials out and say “DD was hoping you’d bake with her / draw / paint today so if you could do that, that would be wonderful.”

Do you think the dog walk is a no no? She offered and we often walk round with her on this dog walk if we’re there at the same time.
I felt nervous a bit when she suggested it at first but then thought it could be good, it’s only something we do with Dd later on in the day anyway with the dog
Is it too much responsibility on her?

There’s a difference between babysitting and childcare. To me babysitting is ensuring the safety of my children and just making sure they are fed etc for a short amount of time.

childcare is actually entertaining my children as well as taking care of them and is a different prospect. But she’s 20, I doubt she actually knows how to entertain young children!

I would offer to pay her an additional fee if she takes the dog out. Effectively she's doing two job roles for you simultaneously if she's looking after DD at the same time. Maybe another €5 or something like that.

When I was an unqualified (apart from GCSE childcare qualification) at about 16 years old in school holidays when I was with the children alone, I took them out, played with them, kept an eye on them, changed them etc but sometimes their DM was there and the children were 2-3 and just under 1. When I babysat for the same children of course it was different as in evenings so they were in bed.

You definitely need to set guidelines and leave materials for what you’d like her to do with your DD.

Agreed with @EyesOnThePies she should be paid a childminders going rate or slightly under if it’s more of those tasks. You can then also state if she can take your DD to the park/local cafe and give her money for a drink/snack for herself and your DD.

I’m not sure I’d want a childminder/babysitter dog walking unless they were experienced as that’s two to look after/be responsible for.

Your child is safe and if she knows the babysitter, will be happy too. It is a casual role, but an important role as the child is in her care while you are at work.
Is it possible that the babysitter could take a video to send to you or you can speak to your child? This awareness from you while you are at work, might encourage the babysitter to be more involved? Perhaps toys/puzzles which involve interaction, like lego bricks?

I'm possibly being a bit over-cautious, but I wouldn't be happy expecting the young woman to be in charge of your DD AND a dog (or, even worse, two dogs as you seem to indicate she could take yours and hers together).

You doing the same route with your dog and her sometimes in really not the same as this person being i/c your small child and your dog too.

I think you need to be clear what you would like the babysitter to do and what you do not expect her to do.
Leaving activities out is not being clear.

You need to tell her clearly what you are expecting from her.

I would give it some trial time and ask your daughter and if things won't improve, then let her go and find someone else.

A babysitter is literally just there to keep everyone safe and call an ambulance/fire brigade if necessary in my opinion.

I'd be realistic in your expectations - she's just a student who's watching your child, not a nanny or childminder.

If you want her to do specific activities, then you need to tell her.

Good point! The OP needs to be clear and set the rules on print as well.
It mayb be a casual job for the babysitter but crucial that everyone understands the importance of a young child in someone else's care, no matter how much you know them. I did not realise you had a dog in the house too - even more important to make things clear.
It does help if the babysitter understands the needs of the child too. You need to discuss with her and your child.

I think it is too much to expect a casual babysitter to do craft, baking or trips out.

Not unreasonable to ask them to play with some toys with the child for at least part of the time. Maybe leave out some bricks or jigsaws or cars or dolls so they have a starting point.

I wouldn’t expect a baby sitter to do organised activities tbh. I’d expect them to oversee their needs and keep them safe and looked after. I’d only expect a professional childcare giver to do much more, for example a nanny

I would absolutely expect a day time babysitter to play with my child and not spend all their time on the phone. It’s not beyond a 20 year old! My teenage nieces look after little kids in the summer hols and organise fun activities for them. The parents are in the house working btw.
I was an au pair at 17 and also perfectly capable of doing crafts, etc.
I think it must be horrible for the child to want attention but the babysitter to essentially be ignoring them scrolling on their phone.

I used to do some babysitting at a similar age during the day. I used to chat with the children, play with toys with them, often read with them and sat and watched kids TV with them. This was in the days before mobile phones and definitely before smart phones but I did spend a little bit of time sitting with a coffee and letting them do their own thing (Obviously kept an eye on their safety.) I wasn't paid enough to lay on childminder/nanny type activities so I suppose it depends on how much you are paying your babysitter and on what basis you are employing her.

I wouldn't, until the phone situation is cleared up. Otherwise, being outdoors, it could be unsafe.