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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wear a black dress as a wedding guest?

119 replies

ChristinaDior · 10/04/2023 20:31

Just the title really.

I have a lovely black satin midi dress with a cowl neck that I haven’t worn. It’s been sitting in my wardrobe for 3 years untouched.

A friend is getting married this October, perfect opportunity to wear it right? Or is black a no no?

OP posts:
MrsClatterbuck · 10/04/2023 22:05

I wore a black velvet suit to a wedding once though I had a white blouse with a large collar. Early eighties and didn't realise it was a faux pa's then. The brides sil wasn't too pleased as she also wore a black suit with a white blouse so I was in good company. It was also an autumn wedding. Things have changed these days and black is no longer obligatory for funerals and can be worn to weddings but I would add very bright accessories as it could look like you are in mourning otherwise. A brightly coloured jacket with matching shoes and bag would certainly lift it plus hat if you are that way inclined.

Worldgonecrazy · 10/04/2023 22:08

ODFOx · 10/04/2023 20:35

Traditionally in the uk wearing black to a wedding suggests that you mourn their previous life and disapprove of their partner, but things have changed: We even attended a wedding with all the bridesmaids in black recently.
Double check in passing that the Bride isn't taking the traditional view but you should be fine, especially if you accessorise appropriately. (Avoid black mini veil on a hat for example 😀)

My stepdaughters both wore black when I married their dad! I think you are right!

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 10/04/2023 22:08

Wear it and enjoy the day. This 2023 not 1823. Two of my guests wore white trousers suits. They looked stunning. Neither looked like a wedding dress so I was not bothered. Some people just overthink things. I often wear black and have worn a cream suit before myself.

RenoDakota · 10/04/2023 22:09

My ex MIL wore black to our wedding. Loads of people said how inappropriate and rude it was (and she was probably trying to make some petty point - had form for it) but I didn't give a flying shit.

Nanny0gg · 10/04/2023 22:09

ChristinaDior · 10/04/2023 20:38

Naff how so?

I like to wear sparkles/glitter for any Christmas or NY event.

I bought it a few years ago from a lovely boutique because I was given a gift card for Xmas. The only piece I liked in there was the dress so bought it.

Show quote history

When MoG I wore black! (daughter-in=law was quite happy) Maybe wear another colour with it?

Pipsquiggle · 10/04/2023 22:10

I've worn lovely black dresses to weddings before, usually teamed with bright accessories.

It's honestly fine. Wear it and feel fabulous

Divorcedalongtime · 10/04/2023 22:10

My sister wore black for my wedding, I was hesitant when she told me but she felt great in the dress and everyone in my photos are wearing different colours so it was great

peanutbuttertoasty · 10/04/2023 22:11

Whatever your own opinion, given that it's still controversial, it will probably come over as attention seeking at best. Or you risk seeming entitled as though the conventions don't somehow apply to you. I wouldn't.

atthebottomofthehill · 10/04/2023 22:18

I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at someone wearing black to my wedding if it was a beautiful dress and nicely accessorised.

I think the fact it's satin makes all the difference because that makes it look pretty and glam not dull like any other material. And it's midi so you can have brighter shoes.

I think a lot of people on here are being quite madly rigid and traditional!

DragonflyLady · 10/04/2023 22:20

I wore all black to my friend’s winter wedding. I really struggled to get anything colourful!

fibeee · 10/04/2023 22:26

I had an Autumn wedding and some of my guests attended wearing black dresses. I thought they looked great. I say go for it!

NellePorter · 10/04/2023 22:36

People were black to my wedding in the 90s, and no-one batted an eyelid.
Wear the dress if you like it!

reddwarfgeek · 10/04/2023 22:38

I've worn black dresses to several weddings (all year round) but with a lighter jacket and maybe a lighter fascinator. I think it's fine.

BelleMarionette · 10/04/2023 22:42

The one time I saw a guest wear black to a wedding it was commented on widely, and in a bad way. It was seen that the guest disapproved of the wedding (mother in law to be). To be fair, she had a facial expression throughout too that would have been appropriate for a wedding.

I wouldn't personally, if it is plain black. If patterned eg flowers then fine. Or at least check with the bride first.

Arapawa · 10/04/2023 22:42

I had no idea there was a colour ruling for what you should wear at weddings. The bridge can wear whatever colour she wants - or do you all get annoyed about that too?
Can't go wrong with a black dress IMO.

Saschka · 10/04/2023 22:48

If you are just a random guest, it is probably fine - the issue is really when it is the MIL wearing full mourning gear to make a point. Which I have seen done, and yes it was widely commented on/mocked by the other guests. Which presumably wasn’t the reaction she was looking for, but I’m not sure what else she expected.

LighterNights · 11/04/2023 01:03

I've worn black to two weddings, same dress actually but no overlap of guests. I didn't think to not. People wore black to mine too, I still didn't think to care.

Alcyone · 11/04/2023 01:43

Women make these stupid rules up for other women to follow, who then pass them down to the next generation. It's time we stopped this nonsense. Never would you hear anyone mention that a man wore a black suit to a wedding.......or even the same black suit to the last five weddings.

Your dress sounds beautiful, please wear it!

Indoorcatmum · 11/04/2023 01:53

I think it's rude unless you know the bride and her style very well.

mackthepony · 11/04/2023 01:54

I wouldn't think twice about doing this

It's fine

ReadersD1gest · 11/04/2023 02:02

Indoorcatmum · 11/04/2023 01:53

I think it's rude unless you know the bride and her style very well.

It's not rude at all. What does the bride's style have to do with it?

snitzelvoncrumb · 11/04/2023 02:02

Yes it’s fine. Men wear black, so can women. The only time I wouldn’t is if it was that I was somehow an ex boyfriends wedding. I would worry people would think I was upset.

WingingIt101 · 11/04/2023 02:06

I wore a black dress with black sequins to a winter wedding last year, had a bright pink jacket, hat, bag and shoes to lift it but also had chatted with the bride ahead of time "I've seen this dress - but is black a no no?" She absolutely loved it and encouraged me to wear it!

Do you know the bride well enough to ask or are you more "grooms side"

Ilovetea42 · 11/04/2023 02:11

I think it depends on how traditional the wedding is. If it's traditional in venue and dress etc then I probably wouldn't, if its more non traditional then I don't see why not. You could mention to the bride that's what you're thinking of wearing and see if she is OK with it if you're worried. I wore red to a few weddings before I realised what it's meant to mean but I think most people now don't really worry about those traditions.

caringcarer · 11/04/2023 02:56

Black is a colour associated with funerals. I'd not wear black to a wedding. I'd wear it to evening party though. Just wear something else during service.