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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Table etiquette, which camp are you in…

97 replies

Chateaulaohshit · 10/04/2023 19:00

Do you wait for everyone to sit down before you start eating or is it fair game as soon as food is placed down?!

Ive been in quite a few various meal scenarios recently, family visits, group meals out and a holiday for 17 with communal meal times and it seems such a divide what people do.

I was always raised to wait until everyone was sitting down before we begin eating and it’s in turn how I have taught my children (who still sometimes still need a reminder!) but wondering if this is now old dashboard with more people either getting stuck without even pondering or hosts reassuring to start so it didn’t get cold…

What happens in your family/peers?

OP posts:

ShirleyPhallus · 10/04/2023 22:39

nosyupnorth · 10/04/2023 21:29

How badly are y'all underheating your food that you're convinced it's going to go inedibly cold if you wait a few minutes for everybody else to get theirs?

I came here to say this! Food doesn’t magically go cold within a minute or two, just wait.

my ILs are obsessed with people eating their dinners while hot and they heat the plates too. I find it unbearably hot to eat. Soup takes forever as it’s as hot as the sun.

maddy68 · 10/04/2023 22:53

Always wait until someone says. Start don't let it go cold

Kvetching · 10/04/2023 22:54

I am a stickler for manners. Of course you wait for everyone to be served before you start.

MasterBeth · 10/04/2023 22:55

Agree. The panic over food being "piping hot" sounds like something from the 1950s.

TenoringBehind · 10/04/2023 22:56

Always wait.
incredibly rude not to.

ttcat37 · 10/04/2023 22:59

Always wait for everyone to get their food. Anyone who doesn’t wait, my instant thought is that they have poor manners.
I hate eating alone so I would rather eat my food cold than a fellow diner have to eat theirs after everyone has finished.

BeetleBailey · 10/04/2023 22:59

When we go to the IL's you wait until everybody is seated, if you dare pick up your knife and fork you'll be torn a new arsehole

Mariposista · 10/04/2023 23:03

Always wait.

LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 23:24

It’s interesting that the OP hasn’t returned…

Original poster

Chateaulaohshit · 11/04/2023 08:44

LittleRedRoses · 10/04/2023 23:24

It’s interesting that the OP hasn’t returned…

Wow what a dull life you lead if you think that’s interesting…

I was actually just about to go out for meal which is what prompted the thread.

Thanks everyone, there’s quite a lot of variety in what people think and do and often dependent on situation…

Like I said in OP we were always told to wait until everyone was served and sitting down, not only that no hands on cutlery, spooning out condiments or picking at bread etc. My dad did went to catering college in his younger years, was head chef in some really well to do restaurants and did silver service while putting himself through police college so I feel that might have influenced how strict my parents were with table manners.

I would say I’m definitely a lot less so with my own DC but they would definitely not start a meal without looking to the host or me to say they could.

OP posts:

Trollsinmyeggbox · 11/04/2023 08:47

You wait, unless the host tells you otherwise.

yevrah1102 · 11/04/2023 08:48

Always wait until everyone is seated

ClareBlue · 11/04/2023 09:03

So I'm guessing the rural Irish tradition of feeding the men first, waiting until they finish and offering seconds and only when they are all full do the women sit down and eat, probably is not really acceptable anymore. It was done for good reasons when food was short and men worked manually, but it is still surprisingly common. Even extends to parts of our older family.
We always see eating as a social event and wouldn't dream of starting until everyone is seated unless very exceptionally someone has to leave quickly for something very important. About twice a year, if that.

SunhatsAndFlipFlops · 11/04/2023 09:08

At someone’s house - I would wait till the host has sat down

In my own home when hosting - I tell guests not to wait for me

At a restaurant - I usually wait a polite 30 seconds, then I start eating if it’s hot. I’m paying for the food, I want to eat it still hot, not lukewarm!

AdoraBell · 11/04/2023 09:10

I wait.

IrregularChoiceFan · 11/04/2023 09:11

I wait for everyone as I hate finishing before everyone else and also hate people watching me eat. I always say to people to start if they want to when given their meals first.

KittyMcKitty · 11/04/2023 09:14

At home? I always put the food in serving dishes on the table and people help themselves but wait until everyone is there to do so. Actually thinking about it everyone waits until the person who has cooked the food says “help yourself “ or whatever but this just seems to be what happens rather than what we’ve taught everyone to do. I’ve never plated food up - always seems a more sensible idea to let people take what they want.

harriethoyle · 11/04/2023 09:17

Absolutely wait until last person is served and seated. Told dsd off for exactly this at the weekend. Smashing down her roast the minute it touched her plate whilst I was still bringing platters of food to the table (vegetables so therefore anathema for a teenager 😆) Gives me the RAGE.

Nevermind31 · 11/04/2023 09:20

Wait. Only… no one is listening when I call for dinner, and DH in particular needs a long toilet session before sitting down for dinner, so either I will start on my own, or with the kids. DH had been given warnings at 30, 15 and 10 mins, so there is no excuse to make everyone wait another 25 mins until he is finished in the toilet

Seasonofthewitch83 · 11/04/2023 10:11

I was always told if the food is cold, you wait.

If its hot, its fine to go ahead, but I would always wait a few minutes.

Gigantasaurus · 11/04/2023 10:12

Depends on the situation. At home with family? Tuck in as soon as it lands. Out to dinner or more formal setting? Wait until we all have food. I hate wagamammas for this reason.

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 11/04/2023 10:14

Absolutely wait until host sits down. We also do grace so that's the green light for eating. Equally at the end of the meal, kids are expected to sit until everyone has finished and ask to leave the table. It's just good manners.

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