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Original poster

Table etiquette, which camp are you in…

97 replies

Chateaulaohshit · 10/04/2023 19:00

Do you wait for everyone to sit down before you start eating or is it fair game as soon as food is placed down?!

Ive been in quite a few various meal scenarios recently, family visits, group meals out and a holiday for 17 with communal meal times and it seems such a divide what people do.

I was always raised to wait until everyone was sitting down before we begin eating and it’s in turn how I have taught my children (who still sometimes still need a reminder!) but wondering if this is now old dashboard with more people either getting stuck without even pondering or hosts reassuring to start so it didn’t get cold…

What happens in your family/peers?

OP posts:
OhmygodDont · 10/04/2023 19:27

If it’s hot food and there’s going to be a wait I would expect people to start eating. What a waste to let it go cold.

If you talking everything plated and coming to the table then of course you wait.

Burgoo · 10/04/2023 19:28

Eat it when it is hot FFS! I don't believe anyone should wait for me, their food getting cold.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 10/04/2023 19:31

I always wait until everyone is sat down. Unless they say to tuck in.

Mochacream · 10/04/2023 19:34

I’ve been bought up to wait! Another thing my mum hated was if we weren’t at the table for a bit before serving.
At my in laws it’s a free for all - your practically walk through the door and sit down to eat and they are very insistent that you just start there and then (almost aggressively so!)

DelilahJane · 10/04/2023 19:35

Rtmhwales · 10/04/2023 19:11

Always wait, even with instructed by the host.

I love my in laws to pieces but I'm still enraged they started eating before the bride and groom had even been served at our small wedding in December.

The same thing happened at my wedding. Only 30ish guests spread across two tables. The meals were shared platters and as soon as the first dish came out MIL grabbed it and shared the whole lot between her and FIL even though there was enough for 4/5 people.

They both got tucked in and when the next dish was set down moments later they realized how things where being served and wanted to scrap what was on their plates back onto the serving platter so they'd have room to sample the other dishes. 🤢. If they'd had basic table manners and waited a second the misunderstanding could have been avoided.

FIL insisted on smoking through the whole meal even when asked not to. We also had an open bar and they wanted their own bottles of red wine each, which wasn't a problem money wise but I don't know why they couldn't have shared one then ordered more as and when they needed it. 🤷‍♀️

DH was absolutely mortified by their behaviour.

fuzzbearpenguin · 10/04/2023 19:36

Wait for everyone or until the host tells you to start. If the host says don't wait then get stuck in!

Augend23 · 10/04/2023 19:37

Whole table, unless it's a long table event in which case I would start when the 5 surrounding diners have been served.

CoalCraft · 10/04/2023 19:38

I always wait unless instructed otherwise and this seems to be what most people I know do. I was a bit surprised the first time I was at my in-laws' for Sunday dinner and both DH and SIL got stuck in before MIL and her partner had sat down.

Craftybodger · 10/04/2023 19:39

If sitting around a table I wait until everyone is served and seated.

If it’s on our laps (just us at home) then it’s dig in when you’re ready, but I still consider it rude to faff for several minutes over sauces, drinks etc when others are ready to eat.

mollyoppy · 10/04/2023 19:40

Absolutely wait until everyone is seated AND has been served! And no clearing up until everyone has finished.

I don't care about how you hold your knife or whether your elbows are on the table but I hate it when people can't be bothered or are too ignorant to respect the very basics of table manners. The least you can do is eat together and give people time. If you throw out all standards of behaviour, then what are you left with?

(Ok, maybe a toddler taking three hours to eat is another matter, but generally you should wait.)

DelurkingAJ · 10/04/2023 19:43

Wait and then if finished and you want to get down you ask (other than to nip to the loo where you say ‘excuse me’ to the host or cook). My DC can manage this and have been able to since about age 3.

Food won’t get appreciably cold if you wait for the cook to be served and if there’s more than a few of you then they can help to serve that person, otherwise the cook will be leaning across everyone whilst they try to eat which seems odd to me.

MontyDonsBlueScarf · 10/04/2023 19:49

Partly depends how big the group is. I would normally wait, but in a group of 16 or so I'd just wait till the people near me were served. I'd be encouraging the first people served to start when maybe half the group had been served. I'd expect to see a ripple effect down the table.

Hungryfrogs23 · 10/04/2023 19:55

In our house we wait until everyone is seated. That is how my parents taught me, and so that is what I've passed on to my children.

Fantasmagoricalan · 10/04/2023 19:55

I always think less of those who start shovelling to work food in as soon as they get it, without waiting for others.

Neverknowinglysensible · 10/04/2023 19:56

My dad, who was brought up by his very elderly grandparents, was always trained to wait until the ‘head of the household’ had picked up his knife and fork. He passed that onto us, although, he said Mum was the true head, so we waited for her.

Dad was always very frustrated by my maternal Gran who ate with the proverbial knife, fork and rammer, never waited and was normally on seconds by the time my poor mum had sat down.

CraftyGin · 10/04/2023 19:58

Chateaulaohshit · 10/04/2023 19:00

Do you wait for everyone to sit down before you start eating or is it fair game as soon as food is placed down?!

Ive been in quite a few various meal scenarios recently, family visits, group meals out and a holiday for 17 with communal meal times and it seems such a divide what people do.

I was always raised to wait until everyone was sitting down before we begin eating and it’s in turn how I have taught my children (who still sometimes still need a reminder!) but wondering if this is now old dashboard with more people either getting stuck without even pondering or hosts reassuring to start so it didn’t get cold…

What happens in your family/peers?

Don't start eating until the hostess tells you to. That doesn't mean waiting for everyone.

GlassBunion · 10/04/2023 19:58

All should be seated . However, in a restaurant, and if serving people separately, you should eat a hot meal as soon as served.
Desserts , you all wait to be served before eating.

If someone buggers off, start eating without them.

MissingMoominMamma · 10/04/2023 20:00

I’m the cook here. I tell people to tuck in while it’s hot.

UsingChangeofName · 10/04/2023 20:01

Depends on the circumstance.

"Out", or invited to a meal at someone else's you should wait, until either everyone has their plate / is seated, or until the host tells you otherwise.
At a pub / restaurant / wedding - again, you wait, until others at the table tell you to start - if there is a delay between others food arriving and the first person's.

At home, if people have been called to the table and someone has decided / chosen not to come straight away, or finish what they are doing or whatever, then it is reasonable that the people who did come when called should start, and not have their meals go cold because of the late comer.

Hankunamatata · 10/04/2023 20:01

We have everyone sitting down before food is serves to the table. But I don't expect everyone to wait until all plates are brought to the table - food gets cold!

Mostar · 10/04/2023 20:06

At home: start as soon as my plate hits the table.

Restaurants and other people's houses: wait for everyone to be served.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 10/04/2023 20:12

We wait until everyone is seated.

Comfies · 10/04/2023 20:14

I was also raised to wait, but don't mind if others start. Usually people wait IME until someone says "please don't wait - your ice cream is melting / your food is getting cold" or whatever

zurala · 10/04/2023 20:15

Wait. Always. It's just so rude not to and no food is going to go stone cold in a couple of minutes.

I judge people who just start eating because it feels like the height of bad manners to me.

lljkk · 10/04/2023 20:24

We historically have big party buffets in my extended family (events with like 30+ people present and sitting all sorts of places around the property) so no one is expected to wait.

All sitting at 1 table together, of course wait, or at least until cook insists we go ahead & get started.

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