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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy myself clothes before the kids?

83 replies

Nothingtowear35 · 10/04/2023 17:57

Having previously been ok for money, we have recently been through a sudden and very tough patch financially. Long story short, we went from absolutley fine to struggling to put food on the table.

(We're now coming out of it and things should start to improve - we won't be struggling but we still will.have to be careful. There's not a lot of spare cash floating about and with 4 kids, they always need something.)

But during that period of struggling, I had to get creative and try to make money where I could and at one point decided to sell pretty much all my own clothes. I didn't have much clothing anyway because I've always had low self esteem and body issues. But because I'd been ok off before a lot of the clothes I did have were nice labels and I knew i could fetch a few quid on vinted. It helped in the moment and I figured I'd buy new stuff later - tbh I just needed money and I didn't want to turn to pay day loans or anything dodgy. I was also trying to take pressure off dh.

Problem is, I now can't afford to buy myself anything else and I have virtually nothing to wear. Literally.

I have 3 pairs of leggings that are wearing thin and getting holes. I have 1 pair of black maternity joggers that look like Pjs (my baby is nearly 2).
I have 4 tops all very awful and faded and all nursing tops even though I no longer breastfeed.
I have 3 baggy t-shirt I sleep in.
1 pair trainers 1 pair wellies I literally just bought because my feet were getting wet on school run.

That is literally it. Oh and I have 1 coat which I've been hiding under all winter.

I'm not sure what I was thinking to let myself get in such a ridiculous situation. We recently went to a family do for Easter and I was mortified by myself in my black leggings and too tight top (I'm not a slim women so it looked terrible). And I had a few comments (are you alright? you look...tired?)

Not surprising as everyone else was in nice dresses and a bit dolled up so I stuck out like a sore thumb.

My self esteem is just absolutley none existent and I'm so embarrassed of myself. We will have a little bit of money to spend at the end of this month but the kids desperatley need clothing too as its been a long time since we bought anything at all and so i don't think there will be any money left for myself - and even if there is I need a whole new wardrobe of stuff to make myself presentable.

I'm just very overwhelmed and feel really depressed and ugly.

Not even sure where to start. Like I said my self esteem was never very good anyway!! I don't even have a pair of jeans to build an outfit from.

What would you do?

OP posts:
FlappyFish · 10/04/2023 18:00

Buy yourself the clothes. You did what you had to do at the time. You have to prioritise yourself here. You will feel so awkward if you wear out the little you have left.

Dotcheck · 10/04/2023 18:03

Compromise?
There are often some excellent deals in charity shops, car boot sales. Find yourself one or two nice quality dresses which boost your confidence. Perhaps set yourself a price limit? I’ve often seen items for just a few pounds. If they’ve been around awhile, sellers will sometimes be open to offers.

And stop being embarrassed this instant! You sacrificed yourself for your family. Hold your head high- that is something to be proud of.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 18:06

Why is there more money this month? Is that going to be the same going forward?
If you’re going to spend the extra money on a ‘whole new wardrobe of stuff’ and your kids have out grown their clothes next month what is your plan?

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 18:07

I really don’t see how this needs to be all or nothing, it doesn’t really need to be the kids or you. If you bought yourself a pair of jeans and 2 tops on Vinted that would be a lot more nicer wearable outfits than you currently have but you could also afford to clothe your growing kids too.

nutbrownhare15 · 10/04/2023 18:09

I'd be looking to get cheap bundles of clothing for both myself and the kids on places like eBay and FB marketplace.

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 18:10

You don't need a whole new wardrobe. Get a couple of pairs of jeans and couple of pairs of leggings and a few tops for now.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/04/2023 18:11

How much money will be left over this month? Will it be the same going forward? How badly do the kids need clothes too? If the eldest has clothes, can you pass clothes down? Where are you planning on shopping?

I'd start by raiding the charity shops for essentials. Two Bottoms and two tops for you. Cancer Research here that w pi uld be £12. Assume you're not in work or in uniform for work? Are kids uniforms serviceable for next week? Does everyone have underwear?

If you've got the very basics covered, I'd then work round in everyone. So one new outfit each, but by new I mean second hand.

There's no mention on DHs wardrobe?

Noodlehen · 10/04/2023 18:12

I agree with PP Re buying bundles for all of you on vinted until you can afford new wardrobes for everyone. You’ll get some nice bits on there for v cheap.

zusje · 10/04/2023 18:12

What size are you? I have tons of clothes (some with tags on) that I bought online on ebay and such and don't fit right (or at all), sizes range from 16-20 (maybe even some 22). I'd be happy to donate if they are any use to you. I think you can pm me and I can send you pictures etc if you are interested. :)

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 18:13

zusje · 10/04/2023 18:12

What size are you? I have tons of clothes (some with tags on) that I bought online on ebay and such and don't fit right (or at all), sizes range from 16-20 (maybe even some 22). I'd be happy to donate if they are any use to you. I think you can pm me and I can send you pictures etc if you are interested. :)

That's a really kind offer!

TwoThousandZeroZeroPartyOverOopsFoundMoreTime · 10/04/2023 18:13

nutbrownhare15 · 10/04/2023 18:09

I'd be looking to get cheap bundles of clothing for both myself and the kids on places like eBay and FB marketplace.

This is what I would do too
Yanbu to buy yourself clothes first as you are the one most in need but don't buy designer get bundles on eBay or facebay

Dontbelieveaword · 10/04/2023 18:14

Agree with PP, buy some clothes for both yourself and DC from Vinted. Some extremely good quality and very reasonably priced items for all ages and sizes on there. Yes, it would be lovely to he able to go out and buy brand new for all but there's no shame in buying pre-loved when times are tight. Hopefully things will continue to improve and you can reassess as time goes on but growing kids will always need 'new' clothes so it's a constant expenditure you may not be able to afford at new prices. And on another positive note, buying pre-loved is ethically better and will help save our planet!

Okunevo · 10/04/2023 18:15

What are the age/sex of the children? Pass down clothes if you can, or look for second hand bundles. Buy yourself a few essentials, you could also look for second hand. So a bit of both.

AndIKnewYouMeantIt · 10/04/2023 18:16

It depends how much money. Tu in Sainsbury's and Tesco have some really nice t-shirts for about £6 and jeans for £20. You could spend under £30 on yourself and at least have something that fits!

Same for kids. George at Asda, Tesco or Vinted.

mewkins · 10/04/2023 18:17

Can you get bundles of stuff for the kids on Vinted or do you know anyone with slightly older kids who may be getting rid of stuff and make them an offer? I also get lots of my stuff off Vinted. Find someone of a similar size and get bundle deals? Dresses are often barely worn and cheap on there so I would get some things for all of you on there/facebook/ebay.

zusje · 10/04/2023 18:22

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 18:13

That's a really kind offer!

Show quote history

They are packed up thinking at some point I'm going to get the motivation to photograph/list online or sell at a carboot but it never happens. Suffering from depression and an online shopping addiction is a bad combo! But they're just sat here and I keep saying I'll take them to charity shop and again never happens.

I will say my taste in clothes can be described as...ecclectic, so not everyone's cup of tea I guess, but am sure there's some normal coloured jeans in there (along with the greens and fuchsias, haha)

darcieday · 10/04/2023 18:27

Any car boots around you OP? I find they're the cheapest option for second hand clothes, don't have to pay for postage, etc. Also, if you have a village/town page on Facebook you could ask on there if anyone has any children clothes bundles going. On our local page there's always people positing black bin bags full for like a fiver. Worth a try!

Boogismyname · 10/04/2023 18:34

Dotcheck · 10/04/2023 18:03

Compromise?
There are often some excellent deals in charity shops, car boot sales. Find yourself one or two nice quality dresses which boost your confidence. Perhaps set yourself a price limit? I’ve often seen items for just a few pounds. If they’ve been around awhile, sellers will sometimes be open to offers.

And stop being embarrassed this instant! You sacrificed yourself for your family. Hold your head high- that is something to be proud of.

My thoughts. Don't punish yourself, OP.
You didn't do anything wrong.
There's lots of nice stuff on vinted, as others have said... a huge part of my wardrobe is from there.

Original poster
Nothingtowear35 · 10/04/2023 18:51

SleepingStandingUp · 10/04/2023 18:11

How much money will be left over this month? Will it be the same going forward? How badly do the kids need clothes too? If the eldest has clothes, can you pass clothes down? Where are you planning on shopping?

I'd start by raiding the charity shops for essentials. Two Bottoms and two tops for you. Cancer Research here that w pi uld be £12. Assume you're not in work or in uniform for work? Are kids uniforms serviceable for next week? Does everyone have underwear?

If you've got the very basics covered, I'd then work round in everyone. So one new outfit each, but by new I mean second hand.

There's no mention on DHs wardrobe?

Probably around £100-£150 but there's a huge list of things needed because we've gone without for a long time.
Dd1: Socks, tops, coat, wellies, school tights and she's desperate for a dress as she's grown out of all of them so I although not essential I'd like to buy her a couple of girly dresses.
Ds1: coat, bottoms, pants
Dd2: vests, sleepsuits/pjs, coat, socks
Ds2: vets, sleepsuit/pjs, coat, socks, bottoms and tops...everything really.

So I feel like that lot is going to cost a bomb even getting it in supermarkets (tu etc) whoch is why I'm thinking urgh I'm just not going to have anything left 😕

I'm going to have another check on vinted when we get some money but I'm not great at finding things and find in the past when I've tried it I've spent so much on postage it's not felt like I'm saving much compared to just cheaper shops.

OP posts:
Dontbelieveaword · 10/04/2023 19:01

OP, on Vinted you can buy bundles from the same person which will save on postage. For example, you could get all DS1's vests and sheepskins all from same person. And buying bundles often come with discounts. And there is a search engine where you can narrow down what you're looking for - ie age 2-3, male, coat.
Or if you can join FB marketplace, a lot of people give away kids bundles and thus will save on postage.
I know it all seems overwhelming but if you're a little organised, prioritise what's needed first and budget, it can be done. Please don't be ashamed and don't be too proud to ask for or accept help. There are women's and children's charities out there that can help too. I believe some food banks have some basic clothing too like coats. You just need to do a little research

Kidsaregrim · 10/04/2023 19:01

Please PLEASE contact your health visitor. You can get a baby basics referral for children’s clothes and kit them out, then spend some of the money on yourself!

CatsGinAndTwiglets · 10/04/2023 19:05

Charity shops esp for kids clothes. Ours are brilliant for cheap basics for kids and adults. It’ll cost nearer £50 than £150 to kit you all out and you’ll have a buffer left.

Comtesse · 10/04/2023 19:06

Sounds like a really tough phase - well done for finding a way through Flowers

NoLostCause · 10/04/2023 19:09

Facebook marketplace is good for cheap bundles of kids clothes, and no need to pay postage. On my local page there's bundles including jackets, tops, trousers etc for less than £10. Even supermarkets end up costing a lot when buying everything you've listed. I'd definitely do second hand if you can.

Starlightstarbright1 · 10/04/2023 19:14

It is a dirty word on Mn but primark is great for bits to get by. You can’t do it all in one month . Maybe a bit most needed off each list . We have a local freecyvle group of fb these are great if you hit it right

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