Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy myself clothes before the kids?

83 replies

Nothingtowear35 · 10/04/2023 17:57

Having previously been ok for money, we have recently been through a sudden and very tough patch financially. Long story short, we went from absolutley fine to struggling to put food on the table.

(We're now coming out of it and things should start to improve - we won't be struggling but we still will.have to be careful. There's not a lot of spare cash floating about and with 4 kids, they always need something.)

But during that period of struggling, I had to get creative and try to make money where I could and at one point decided to sell pretty much all my own clothes. I didn't have much clothing anyway because I've always had low self esteem and body issues. But because I'd been ok off before a lot of the clothes I did have were nice labels and I knew i could fetch a few quid on vinted. It helped in the moment and I figured I'd buy new stuff later - tbh I just needed money and I didn't want to turn to pay day loans or anything dodgy. I was also trying to take pressure off dh.

Problem is, I now can't afford to buy myself anything else and I have virtually nothing to wear. Literally.

I have 3 pairs of leggings that are wearing thin and getting holes. I have 1 pair of black maternity joggers that look like Pjs (my baby is nearly 2).
I have 4 tops all very awful and faded and all nursing tops even though I no longer breastfeed.
I have 3 baggy t-shirt I sleep in.
1 pair trainers 1 pair wellies I literally just bought because my feet were getting wet on school run.

That is literally it. Oh and I have 1 coat which I've been hiding under all winter.

I'm not sure what I was thinking to let myself get in such a ridiculous situation. We recently went to a family do for Easter and I was mortified by myself in my black leggings and too tight top (I'm not a slim women so it looked terrible). And I had a few comments (are you alright? you look...tired?)

Not surprising as everyone else was in nice dresses and a bit dolled up so I stuck out like a sore thumb.

My self esteem is just absolutley none existent and I'm so embarrassed of myself. We will have a little bit of money to spend at the end of this month but the kids desperatley need clothing too as its been a long time since we bought anything at all and so i don't think there will be any money left for myself - and even if there is I need a whole new wardrobe of stuff to make myself presentable.

I'm just very overwhelmed and feel really depressed and ugly.

Not even sure where to start. Like I said my self esteem was never very good anyway!! I don't even have a pair of jeans to build an outfit from.

What would you do?

OP posts:
RoseMartha · 10/04/2023 19:49

I would look on vinted or ebay or second hand shops or marketplace for clothes for all of you.
But get new footwear and underwear from a shop in your budget.

A good portion of my clothes are second hand.

Will you have enough money to spread this over a few months to not buy all in one go?

Hungryfrogs23 · 10/04/2023 19:53

Charity shops are your friend! Or vinted if you prefer online.
Rather than worry about a whole wardrobe, maybe just look for a nice dress which can be glammed up a bit with accessories etc for socialising or dressed down for daywear. Plus a pair of jeans (I got a gorgeous pair off vinted for £5) and a nice top. You could probably get all of that for about 15 quid and then maybe a few bits for the kids too. Then each month you can just add one or two items as you need to.

ILikeTrueCrime · 10/04/2023 19:58

I have some boys clothes that my son's outgrown. What size is he?

ChickenDhansak82 · 10/04/2023 19:59

I hate clothes shopping as I find it so tedious. For about £50 to £60 you can get an entire bundle of clothes on eBay in a particular size. Last time I got nearly 30 items (tops, jeans, leggings, cardigans etc...) and just gave anything I didn't like to charity.

For kids clothes just ask on your local Facebook group for anyone giving them away for free or selling a cheap bundle.

Burgoo · 10/04/2023 20:02

I find the whole martyr complex quite off-putting. Sacrificing for others isn't noble or virtuous.

loverrr · 10/04/2023 20:02

Its 20% off all kids clothes in asda at the mo- Ive just bought a load if summer bits today. I think the quality & value is great for how long you need to use them for x

Iloveacurry · 10/04/2023 20:06

Buy yourself some clothes on Vinted.

Thefaceofboe · 10/04/2023 20:06

Try vinted, it’s fab! You can find bargains on there for you all. I bought my whole winter wardrobe this year on there and spent less than £30

SalmonEile · 10/04/2023 20:12

How old are the children
im assuming passing down Coats and sleepsuits isn’t an option or you’d already be doing it

I’d definitely look at charity shops for the younger ones especially
look on any free cycle or re use pages that are local to you - people often give away bags of toddler clothes

somethingischasingme · 10/04/2023 20:18

How old are the dcs? I've got dresses, joggers and t shirts in bags to school bags ready to go.

Lifesagamethentheytaketheboardaway · 10/04/2023 20:22

How old are your kids? What genders and which size clothing do they each wear?

milveycrohn · 10/04/2023 20:26

Compromise. Buy something new for yourself that is versatile and can be used for a number of different occassions.
Then also check out the charity shops (my town has plenty of them). This sounds bad, but I have managed to get some really nice stuff in charity shops. Kids stuff, go to Primark and charity shops, which are very good for kids clothes, as they grow out of them faster than they wear out.

NEmama · 10/04/2023 20:29

Look on local Freecycle pages

nzeire · 10/04/2023 20:31

There are SO MANY bags of unwanted clothes in this world, I can’t bear it!

im in nz, and I know of a few amazing charities you can make an appointment and go in and shop for free, piles and piles of stuff all washed and ready to go

there must be similar where you are?

you sound clever and resourceful, good luck!

FilthyforFirth · 10/04/2023 20:43

Download Olio. I have given away so much stuff on there, including huge bundles of my kids clothes. I am too lazy to take it to the charity shop so it suits me that someone comes to collect it!

There is a for free section and you can browse my location as well as ask for specific items. When I joined I saw someone had broken their bottle steriliser and couldnt afford to buy a new one. I was about to take mine to the charity shop so gave it away instead. Defo worth a look.

Newmumatlast · 10/04/2023 20:48

Nothingtowear35 · 10/04/2023 17:57

Having previously been ok for money, we have recently been through a sudden and very tough patch financially. Long story short, we went from absolutley fine to struggling to put food on the table.

(We're now coming out of it and things should start to improve - we won't be struggling but we still will.have to be careful. There's not a lot of spare cash floating about and with 4 kids, they always need something.)

But during that period of struggling, I had to get creative and try to make money where I could and at one point decided to sell pretty much all my own clothes. I didn't have much clothing anyway because I've always had low self esteem and body issues. But because I'd been ok off before a lot of the clothes I did have were nice labels and I knew i could fetch a few quid on vinted. It helped in the moment and I figured I'd buy new stuff later - tbh I just needed money and I didn't want to turn to pay day loans or anything dodgy. I was also trying to take pressure off dh.

Problem is, I now can't afford to buy myself anything else and I have virtually nothing to wear. Literally.

I have 3 pairs of leggings that are wearing thin and getting holes. I have 1 pair of black maternity joggers that look like Pjs (my baby is nearly 2).
I have 4 tops all very awful and faded and all nursing tops even though I no longer breastfeed.
I have 3 baggy t-shirt I sleep in.
1 pair trainers 1 pair wellies I literally just bought because my feet were getting wet on school run.

That is literally it. Oh and I have 1 coat which I've been hiding under all winter.

I'm not sure what I was thinking to let myself get in such a ridiculous situation. We recently went to a family do for Easter and I was mortified by myself in my black leggings and too tight top (I'm not a slim women so it looked terrible). And I had a few comments (are you alright? you look...tired?)

Not surprising as everyone else was in nice dresses and a bit dolled up so I stuck out like a sore thumb.

My self esteem is just absolutley none existent and I'm so embarrassed of myself. We will have a little bit of money to spend at the end of this month but the kids desperatley need clothing too as its been a long time since we bought anything at all and so i don't think there will be any money left for myself - and even if there is I need a whole new wardrobe of stuff to make myself presentable.

I'm just very overwhelmed and feel really depressed and ugly.

Not even sure where to start. Like I said my self esteem was never very good anyway!! I don't even have a pair of jeans to build an outfit from.

What would you do?

I would get on vinted rather than buy new so I can get all of us something. Spend a good few hours one evening searching and only buy from sellers with bundle discounts of 20% or more and try and pick up a small bundle for each child and then at least 2 items for yourself. Dont feel afraid to offer a lower price either within reason. I've picked up new stuff for my kids for a couple of quid on vinted and loads of really good quality secondhand too. In fact we have money to buy new but I do look on vinted regularly as kids grow so quick.

Newmumatlast · 10/04/2023 20:49

Also sell any of your kids old clothes you can. Even if only fit for nursery you may get a couple quid which us better than nothing

CCSS15 · 10/04/2023 20:50

I have just sorted out the wardrobes and have boys 2 - 3 year old clothes - all in good condition, I just need someone to pass it on to

IncessantNameChanger · 10/04/2023 21:21

Vinted is your friend here. I bought my son 5 fat face tops posted for under £10.

I'm selling things for £1

I could buy myself 4 lovely dresses for under £10 posted to. It just takes looking for a nice £2 item then seeing what you can bundle it with from the same seller.

I also get the odd kids bundle from a local clothes bank. When it's outgrown, they back to the clothes bank. I actually had to dress all the kids from a clothes bank in covid. Nice brands are so, so cheap on Vinted. There's no bidding either.

What sizes are you? Tunic dresses on vinted and £3 leggings for Promark would tied you over. I'm broke this year too. My kids looks very well turned out for beans. If I rarely buy my dd a new outfit it's Pep & Co or Primark. She is happy with this too.

Dammitthisisshit · 10/04/2023 22:10

I have girls clothes I can pass on including girls tights. As others have said please post their ages.

melj1213 · 10/04/2023 23:07

TBH with a budget of about £150 and such a wide range of needs/ages I would go to Primark and get some basics and anything you need for everyone to get you through the next couple of months and then use that time to save up and buy the other stuff as and when you can.

For £150 you can easily get yourself a couple of outfits (a pair of jeans, a couple of tops, a dress and some leggings) as well as the basics for the kids - girls dresses start at £2.50, tops from £1.80, bottoms from £3, socks/tights can be bought in multipacks for £3/4, you can get a 7pk of baby vests for £7.50 etc - so that everyone has something to wear in the immediate future and you can then start looking at building up more of a wardrobe in the future through other avenues.

I had weight loss surgery last year and have gone from a size 30 to (currently) a 16, though they are getting loose and I may size down again soon. I could not afford to buy lots of new clothes in every size and I lived in my old clothes until I could no longer pass things off as "oversized" as they were hanging off, but I didn't want to spend a lot of money on items I knew I'd be wearing for a few weeks/months.

I took a trip to my nearest city and did an afternoon in Primark. For £165 I got so much stuff - 5x jumpers (it was October and I'm always cold nowadays!), 4x full length leggings, 2x cropped leggings, a denim skirt, 5x t-shirts, 4x vest tops, 2x leggings, 3x dresses, 3xshirts, a couple of packs of new underwear, a couple of bras, a couple of gym tops, a couple of pairs of PJs, a pair of trainers, a pair of flats, a pair of sandals and a pair of black slip on shoes for work.

I got lucky that a few bits were in the sales so they literally cost me £1-2 each but for £165 I got a literal whole new wardrobe so even though you're shopping for a whole family you should be more than able to get yourself a couple of new outfits and enough basics that the kids aren't stuffed into too small clothes.

Tactica · 10/04/2023 23:16

OP, how old is your DD who wants dresses?

coronafiona · 10/04/2023 23:24

Go to primark and buy some basics.

caringcarer · 11/04/2023 00:39

In your situation I'd look of Facebook Marketplace for bundles of clothing for the kids. I'd buy 1 bundle each. That's would be about £50. I'd go to Asda and buy yourself 2 pairs of leggings and a pair of jeans. You can buy T shirts for £10 each. You should be able to buy pants for kids too at Asda. All for £150. You can get more next month including a dress for your dd. I'd still buy from Facebook Marketplace for kids though. Just buy new underwear.

Mammyloveswine · 11/04/2023 01:05

Op where are you and what clothes size are you? (DM if you are happy to). Ive a load of clothes to go to the charity shop but happy to post to you if any good!

Swipe left for the next trending thread