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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told to avoid nursery as long as possible because …

72 replies

uioppp · 10/04/2023 15:57

Of illness?

I want DS to go two afternoons a week before I finish maternity. Firstly I want to do this as I really need a break. Secondly I have a very demanding job and I want to try and deal with any illnesses before I go back to work. Will this strategy work?! Obviously I know they will still pick things up anytime but would it deal with some stuff before I go back to work? Thanks.

OP posts:
Morningcoffeeview · 10/04/2023 16:00

It will help. The first few months are the worst. Even with no.2 I assumed they’d have caught it all from no.1 and have some immunity but he didn’t and still had loads of illness for the first 3-4 months.

LastWill · 10/04/2023 16:00

Once kids start mixing they are constantly picking up bugs until around 3-4 years old tbh.

Merrow · 10/04/2023 16:00

I doubt it will achieve it to be honest, DS felt like he was ill for a year when he started nursery.

OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 10/04/2023 16:03

It won't work. It takes at least a year to eighteen months for the bugs to ease a bit. Then you will just have the permanently snotty nose from October to March to deal with.

Also 2 afternoons a week will take baby quite a while to settle. It could be more distressing for you both than just starting normal hours.

megletthesecond · 10/04/2023 16:05

The first year is awful. Just keep all of your and your DH's annual leave to cover it.

THATissoooFETCH · 10/04/2023 16:05

The first few months in childcare most children pick up everything going, after 4-6 months the imune system is usually better at fighting off the germs!

My youngest two started nursery about 14 months ago, first few months they picked up so many bugs. But since last summer i think theyve had one sickness bug and a few normal colds

Pinkywoo · 10/04/2023 16:06

DS1 started three mornings a week when he was 2, a couple of months before DS2 was born. It's really not been as bad as everyone makes out, he gets a cold every couple of months (which he helpfully gives to his little brother) and has had two minor upset stomachs in the last year and a bit.

Zanatdy · 10/04/2023 16:06

It will help as the first few months are the worse, I was off more than I was in.

THATissoooFETCH · 10/04/2023 16:07

Also i work in early years. Definitley doesnt take most children 18 months to stop catching all the germs!

Two sessions a week could work depending on your baby, full days may be better depending on how they settle

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 16:07

Imo it won’t help. It’s the first winter that’s the worst not necessarily the first few months.

Wakeywake · 10/04/2023 16:08

You might be lucky, who knows - mine never got sick at nursery. They didn't even catch chicken pox despite multiple outbreaks.

MyFaceIsAnAONB · 10/04/2023 16:10

I was thinking about this the other day. Ideally for me, kid would start childcare at 2.5, then I’d have another 2 years off to cater for all the illnesses and disruption😄 it’s wild.

mynameiscalypso · 10/04/2023 16:13

Honestly, it depends. My DS was fine for the first few months and then it hit. Year 2 was better although there were still some bugs that went round that they never get total immunity to (D&V, colds which mutate). He's in his third year and he's had one day of illness since Sept when he was sick in the night. He's not had a cold for about 9 months touch wood.

RudsyFarmer · 10/04/2023 16:14

I dont remember constant illness. I only had my child in for 15 hours a week from the age of three so maybe he was older or he just wasn’t there enough to catch everything.

WarriorN · 10/04/2023 16:15

Kids get 10 colds a year and at any point are 70% likely to have at least virus (I've been told - maths doesn't feel right there!)

Then there's cp, hf and m and a few other viruses on top plus scarlet fever which ds has had twice this year.

If they don't get it at nursery they get it from other places and then school.

But it is good to develop their immune system when young.

We are beginning to come out of the worse viral season (still some time to go though!) so you could Chuck him in now and get some immunity going Grin

Mangogogogo · 10/04/2023 16:17

I dunno if I got lucky but I never had the wave of illnesses with my two when they first went to nursery. I’ve only ever really heard of it on here tbh!

Nowthenhere · 10/04/2023 16:20

I am unsure it will help. Mine had the normal 5 or 6 colds a year like all the others and didn't attend any nursery or pre school. They went to a few forest schools yet still went through the usual children's coughs and colds and pox.

It's what works for your family. Mine would have been very stressed, crying non-stop to the point of vomiting if I left them in a strange place without me for the first few years.

purpledalmation · 10/04/2023 16:23

It won't achieve much. It's takes 2-3 years for them to get a full house.

MimiSunshine · 10/04/2023 16:24

I only had to leave work early once to pick up from nursery for suspected chicken pox. It wasn’t and then had to work around DD when it was chicken pox but it was only a couple of days.

my children have never been endlessly ill and off nursery.
in fact I can only think of less than 5 days either of them have been off as they managed to catch CP at quite convenient points of the week.

yes they’ve had colds etc and I wouldn’t send them if they’re really poorly. But just a bit snotty, and they’re good to go.

send baby to nursery though if you need the break

Peccary · 10/04/2023 16:24

Another lucky one here, DD was at nursery 4 days a week for 3+ years and had hardly any days off sick. That included the first year of C19

Reception year was a different matter though, she got covid, chicken pox and our first bout of norovirus

PlainSkyr · 10/04/2023 16:25

I started mine 3 mornings each week with the same intent - during the last 3 months of Mat leave (DD was around 1 year old). Omg it was awful! She would go in on Monday all cheerful and come Wednesday evening would have the dreaded fever! Recover by Saturday, normal on Sunday and repeat! It was heart breaking! I realised Autumn is NOT a good time to start nursery so I'd say if you are starting in spring/summer you'll be better off. Also a minimum of 3-4 half/full days is better as baby will settle well. Regardless, be prepared for lot of illness until they turn 2 years old. In the end I pulled mine out of nursery and sent her to a childminder until she was 2.5years. She never fell ill at the childminder and very very rarely in nursery after.

Outwiththenorm · 10/04/2023 16:27

I read 1 illness a month is normal for children (in out of home care/ school) until around 5 years old and that’s been pretty much our experience since DS started nursery just before his 1st birthday.

So far this academic year DS has had croup, influenza A, covid that led to pneumonia and near constant coughs and colds. He’s almost 5 now so keeping fingers crossed easier times ahead 😫

StillWantingADog · 10/04/2023 16:30

I doubt it though starting them early to give yourself a rest is totally fine.

mine didn’t really catch bugs at nursery at all IIRC. Except for chicken pox which they both got at the same time (off almost exactly concurrently which was helpful!).

so you might be worrying unnecessarily

Skybluepinky · 10/04/2023 16:32

No of course it won’t, they’ll pick up bugs and illnesses all the time they are at nursery and it will happen again once they start school.

citybumpkin · 10/04/2023 16:33

An illness once per month seems about right. 1 week of being ill; 1 week to recover; 2 weeks illness free. For the child that is! Chances are you will catch whatever bug it is and be ill during DC's recovery week. DD started pre school this time last year and has been ill every month. She is currently recovering from a nasty virus. Now I have it Hmm