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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told to avoid nursery as long as possible because …

72 replies

uioppp · 10/04/2023 15:57

Of illness?

I want DS to go two afternoons a week before I finish maternity. Firstly I want to do this as I really need a break. Secondly I have a very demanding job and I want to try and deal with any illnesses before I go back to work. Will this strategy work?! Obviously I know they will still pick things up anytime but would it deal with some stuff before I go back to work? Thanks.

OP posts:
SausageinaBun · 10/04/2023 16:34

It depends on the child and it possibly runs in families. My DC rarely had time off nursery and now rarely miss school. I was the same as a child. The key thing seems to be that they don't get fevers with colds. We're obviously really lucky.

One thing you can do in your favour is to get your DC immunised against chicken pox.

Too0ld · 10/04/2023 16:35

Yes it might work . Although bugs go in cycles obviously.

What will also help is inviting friends with snotty young children / toddlers for coffee and letting then cuddle / kiss the baby . Better when baby is 6 months or older and will enjoy it.

The most important thing is to make sure that your baby’s father know that all sickness / parental leave is for him to take in the first year, as you have already taken the maternity leave. Once you have been back a year or so you can start to share it.

if you and baby's father are still together then you need to start sharing childcare / housework / wife work before you go back to work. Many women in your situation end up working Ft and doing 80% of everything else as well. This will eventually destroy your career, health and relationship.

so start the way you mean to go on.

Mrsmch123 · 10/04/2023 16:38

I mean it would potentially get the ball rolling slightly....although we are 10 months in and the sickness just keeps coming back around. Don't know how my work have tolerated me tbh....

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 10/04/2023 16:38

Mine started nursery at 6 months in the winter. She was ill a few times, nothing horrendous and as noted by our GP, it’s good for their immune systems - once they start school they’ll practically never be ill.

that said, despite all promises she failed to catch chickenpox within that time so we continue to wait for that particular gem.

Iwannatakearideonyourdiscostick · 10/04/2023 16:41

Nowthenhere · 10/04/2023 16:20

I am unsure it will help. Mine had the normal 5 or 6 colds a year like all the others and didn't attend any nursery or pre school. They went to a few forest schools yet still went through the usual children's coughs and colds and pox.

It's what works for your family. Mine would have been very stressed, crying non-stop to the point of vomiting if I left them in a strange place without me for the first few years.

You wrote my post for me.

BowiesJumper · 10/04/2023 16:44

As other have said, not really. My 3yr old is still picking up everything going and he’s been going for 2yrs.

Wherewithout · 10/04/2023 16:44

This is exactly what I did and it worked brilliantly - DC caught loads of bugs in the first couple of months while I was still on mat leave and I didn’t find myself having to take time off work as soon as I had started back. That’s not to say they haven’t had quite a few illnesses since then though, but I felt that it helped and eased the stress of worry about settling at nursery and returning to work all in one go.

thegrain · 10/04/2023 16:47

It will get some of it out the way but it was about a year until it settled down

Rosebel · 10/04/2023 16:48

It might be better starting now. My DS started his first nursery in the winter and caught everything for about 5 months. He started his second nursery in the summer and while he still gets ill it's not been as bad.
My older DDs also started in the summer and didn't seem to get very ill. In the warmer months they are outside more and often less children as a lot go on holiday so less bugs.

ItsCalledAConversation · 10/04/2023 16:49

No I do not think that will work.

2 afternoons a week is not enough for your DS to feel comfortable and settled there. It will take him forever to settle at that pace, and he’ll be clingy.

They all get ill all the time at nursery, by default, there is no escaping it. Just suck it up like every other parent has to.

MagicMatilda · 10/04/2023 16:49

It wasn’t until our boys were in a school (reception) we noticed a decline in picking up illnesses and they all went everyday from 10 months. Nursery illness was pretty relentless but saying that it was general colds, runny nose, coughs so no time off needed really.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 10/04/2023 16:52

As others have said the September to December months are definitely the worst. DD only goes to playschool 3 times per week for 2 hour's and had 5 illnesses between start of October and Christmas and was very poorly all over Christmas. She was a lockdown baby and I think missed getting some things the first year or so but it is relentless. If you do need a break that's enough of a reason x

SouthLondonMum22 · 10/04/2023 16:53

Mine started nursery about a month ago now, he goes full time and so far it's just a mild cold he's had. He's 4 months.

Justalittlebitduckling · 10/04/2023 16:53

At least they can settle in while you are around to do shorter days etc

SBR1 · 10/04/2023 16:54

You want a break so for it! It's really hard getting back to work mode with a child in mornings /evenings. Have a few days a week for you, visit a cafe, feel like a person again. I strongly recommend it. Oh & they'll be ill for months...

Tiddlywinkly · 10/04/2023 16:56

When young kids come together they pass germs around. It was shite with my 2 when they were in nursery. So many calls and collections. However, by school they've barely been off in years. Some kids who didn't go to pre school were hit pretty badly with illnesses when they started school. Sickness is going to happen for most kids whenever they start being around lots of other kids.

theangrylion · 10/04/2023 16:59

My ds has been going to nursery for 2 years now and we've had a break just recently because it's the Easter break. Once he's back in the next 10 days, the illnesses, the bugs and conjunctivitis will come back full force. I suspect this will continue until the end of reception year.

Truckinghell · 10/04/2023 16:59

It's what works for your family. Mine would have been very stressed, crying non-stop to the point of vomiting if I left them in a strange place without me for the first few years.

🙄 Good for you.

OP - mine's been sent home early once and that was because she 'looked a bit sad'. It's really been fine.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 10/04/2023 17:07

Not all children end up constantly unwell when they start nursery - so whether it helps (or not) in that regard is probably just down to luck and chance.

But getting them settled into nursery while you're still home to accomodate settling in sessions etc. is a really good idea if you can afford it.

Albiboba · 10/04/2023 17:07

@Nowthenhere It's what works for your family. Mine would have been very stressed, crying non-stop to the point of vomiting if I left them in a strange place without me for the first few years.

I wonder what some women hope to achieve with posts like this? Is it a desperate attempt at validation if you convince others not to use childcare then you feel more secure in your own decision? Is it assurance from strangers that you’ve made the right decision?
It’s just very odd, the post was specifically around better ways to deal with childhood illnesses which stem from lots of children together and you feel the need to comment how awful your children would apparently have felt in some sort of draconian nursery. It’s just totally irrelevant weird for you to even bring it up.

Glitteratitar · 10/04/2023 17:13

It really depends on the child and you won’t know before they start.

Before DS started nursery, he’d had a cold maybe twice in the first year of his life. Since he’s started nursery, he’s that child that is off sick for an entire week every 2-3 weeks. It’s been hell trying to juggle nursery and illness. It’s been a year now and there’s no improvement.

Equally, there are others in his class who have only ever had less than 5 illnesses their entire two years, and who never get ill or catch anything.

User2538309 · 10/04/2023 17:16

You have no idea really whether it will help or not, as these replies have probably shown you. Some kids get over it after a couple of months, some take over a year, some are in and out of hospital because they get really sick.

SBR1 · 10/04/2023 17:19

Truckinghell · 10/04/2023 16:59

It's what works for your family. Mine would have been very stressed, crying non-stop to the point of vomiting if I left them in a strange place without me for the first few years.

🙄 Good for you.

OP - mine's been sent home early once and that was because she 'looked a bit sad'. It's really been fine.

Must have made the first day at school pretty interesting 🤔

shivawn · 10/04/2023 17:21

This is something I worry about too. My 18 month old hasn't started nursery yet and is never sick, other than one mild bout of covid and one cold in his life. My friends kids the same age are in nursery and they seem to have a different illness everytime I speak to them. I know they have to build up the immunity sometime but I'm delaying it for now.

I would definitely recommend getting the chickenpox vaccine and at least that will be one illness crossed off the list.

BrutusMcDogface · 10/04/2023 17:24

Do it. I wish I had put my own mental health a little further forward than I did (obviously the kids always come first but I did martyr myself, which led to pnd) If you need a break, have a break!

re: settling at nursery, it’s a good idea to do this before you start work anyway. And two half days a week will be better than one full day a week in terms of getting baby used to it.