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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why does MN not crack down harder on personal attacks?

66 replies

Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 11:52

It seems like perfectly anodyne threads, threads addressing important topical concerns get pulled left, right and centre, while vicious personal attacks and unwarranted pile-ons are left to stand.

This will probably get pulled so I don't care about referencing another thread. In a recently-deleted thread a poster was piled onto quite viciously but it then turned into a thread addressing completely different topics/concerns. I made one comment saying that the OP's tone was variable and that some of the comments she'd made were also mean. OP then called me a cunt and a troll and told me to fuck off repeatedly, and said I must need to get kicks from making strangers cry because I had such a "sad little life" on the basis of that one comment. I hadn't checked on MN till later this morning (my one comment was last night) and I was surprised not only to see that comment, but that it had been allowed to stand. I don't really care if a stranger behind a keyboard calls me a cunt (although I'd prefer they didn't) but how does it serve this forum well to allow posts like that to stand? Basically women using unpleasant sexist insults to attack other women? How does this make the forum better or more useful to its users?

I'm sure loads of people will disagree and think I'm being UR but I think that if MNHQ took a harder line on personal attacks rather than spending all hours searching for and deleting anything that might be categorised as a TERF thread, the forum might become a nicer, more useful and less vicious place for all.

OP posts:
psychDr · 10/04/2023 11:54

I agree.

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 10/04/2023 11:57

If you reported it they would have removed it.

They don't go through every post on every thread, but they are pretty quick at taking personal attacks down once reported ime.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 12:01

The whole thread got removed anyway, but that post had stood for many hours from the point that it was made till when I saw it. I was a bit hacked off because removing the thread at the OP's request also removed my right of reply. I don't care about swearing and I don't really care what an anonymous person somewhere calls me, but I do feel strongly about right of reply!

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 10/04/2023 12:04

I prefer not to report when someone makes a personal attack on me because it shows them for what they are!

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 12:12

JaneJeffer · 10/04/2023 12:04

I prefer not to report when someone makes a personal attack on me because it shows them for what they are!

Yep, I'd agree with that. For that reason, I was a little pissed off that the whole thread got removed. Going on and on about the unkindness of people, while being unkind oneself. We all do it to some extent, but at least own it!

I am not in the slightest bit precious about swearing, but I do object to women calling other women cunts. And they'd never even DREAM of doing it IRL where they'd be held accountable.

OP posts:
grannysmithspips · 10/04/2023 12:20

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 10/04/2023 11:57

If you reported it they would have removed it.

They don't go through every post on every thread, but they are pretty quick at taking personal attacks down once reported ime.

No they wouldn't. You'd get an answer about how it was an open forum and people have bothered to reply and they can't see the problem

ThinWomansBrain · 10/04/2023 12:25

if you didn't report the offensive comment, why did you expect MN to remove it?
if you couldn't be bothered to report it, why expect anyone else to?
sounds like a delightful thread - who knows what else happened that caused the deletion?
If I see a comment attacking me, I rarely give the poster more bait by responding.

On occasions where I have reported threads (never because of an off comment to/about me) there's generally been an appropriate response.

Maybe "terf" threads get withdrawn because they frequently get heated, and thus reported, rather than MN spending hours searching for such threads?

BabaBooPuffinsRock · 10/04/2023 12:27

grannysmithspips · 10/04/2023 12:20

No they wouldn't. You'd get an answer about how it was an open forum and people have bothered to reply and they can't see the problem

Show quote history

This is exactly the response I've had off MN both when reporting personal attacks on myself and on other posters. One memorable one, the OP said she was feeling suicidal, a pile-on occurred, and a particular poster just kept coming back and derailing the thread and shitting on the OP over and over again and I was told she just had a "different opinion".
Fuck her opinion she was bullying a suicidal person when they were down and MNHQ did shit all to sort it out.

Tandora · 10/04/2023 12:27

Every time I have reported a comment for abuse it has been removed very quickly. Mumsnet obviously can’t monitor every single comment on every thread. If you see a personal attack, report it, that’s all.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 12:32

ThinWomansBrain · 10/04/2023 12:25

if you didn't report the offensive comment, why did you expect MN to remove it?
if you couldn't be bothered to report it, why expect anyone else to?
sounds like a delightful thread - who knows what else happened that caused the deletion?
If I see a comment attacking me, I rarely give the poster more bait by responding.

On occasions where I have reported threads (never because of an off comment to/about me) there's generally been an appropriate response.

Maybe "terf" threads get withdrawn because they frequently get heated, and thus reported, rather than MN spending hours searching for such threads?

It wasn't deleted, it was withdrawn at OP's request.

I'm not quite sure what the solution is or what I'm suggesting (and in that IABU) but it just seems weird that MNHQ seem to tacitly condone it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 12:57

I take your point, but I have seen plenty of threads which just run and run and run and you think - who can this possibly be benefitting?

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 10/04/2023 13:11

Often when I report things the response is along the lines of "several people have raised concerns" - maybe the 'OP requested withdrawal' is a simple resolution if the thread has got heated?

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 13:25

Ha, it was the OP who got heated.

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 10/04/2023 16:31

I am not in the slightest bit precious about swearing, but I do object to women calling other women cunts. And they'd never even DREAM of doing it IRL where they'd be held accountable.
I agree

NOTANUM · 10/04/2023 16:40

I know and I agree.

Even the most benign thread descends into a bun fight.

I think swearing for swearing’s sake needs to be banned basically. It would get rid of the immature “fuck off, you twatty Tory/wanker/bitch” type posts that kill proper debate.

ilovesooty · 10/04/2023 16:45

grannysmithspips · 10/04/2023 12:20

No they wouldn't. You'd get an answer about how it was an open forum and people have bothered to reply and they can't see the problem

Show quote history

I've reported several personal attacks as well as posts calling another poster a troll recently. They've all been removed.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 16:46

NOTANUM · 10/04/2023 16:40

I know and I agree.

Even the most benign thread descends into a bun fight.

I think swearing for swearing’s sake needs to be banned basically. It would get rid of the immature “fuck off, you twatty Tory/wanker/bitch” type posts that kill proper debate.

I don't even look at politics threads any more, since it'll just a stream of "Tory fuckers" / "Labour don't know what a woman is". Which is a pity. A lot of people would like to discuss politics on a forum such as this, since it is one of the things you have to be a bit cautious of IRL! I wouldn't really discuss politics at work, f.i., unless I know the people quite well. I have a friend (more a friend of a friend, really) who's a super Tory and I'm not, but we can have quite interesting and civil discussions about politics, while disagreeing on virtually every point.

OP posts:
twolilacs · 10/04/2023 16:55

I'll report posts if I see a personal attack such as you describe OP, and I'm sure other people do too.

Dortmunder · 10/04/2023 17:07

ItsThePlayBusDingDing · 10/04/2023 11:57

If you reported it they would have removed it.

They don't go through every post on every thread, but they are pretty quick at taking personal attacks down once reported ime.

This is not my experience at all!

JaneJeffer · 10/04/2023 17:43

I think swearing for swearing’s sake needs to be banned basically.
No fucking way.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 17:50

There are threads, though, where every other post is a personal attack and nobody's going to sit there and report every one of them!

The post which I mentioned, I think was made in the wee small hours of the night. I didn't look at MN till 10am or so and I saw it then; there had been ca. 25 posts since then and the "cunt" post was still there. So either MNHQ didn't think it was remove-worthy after reports, or everyone else who'd posted thought that I was indeed a cunt and a troll with a sad little life, and that it was perfectly reasonable to say 3 x in one post fuck you and fuck off 😉

OP posts:
CovertImage · 10/04/2023 17:51

I am not in the slightest bit precious about swearing, but I do object to women calling other women cunts.

I've made this point before but not had much support. Ditto twats and bitches and other misogynistic crap. It's even worse when they call obnoxious men cunts.

Turquoisesilver · 10/04/2023 17:53

The worst ones are when a load of MNetters do a pile on and MN remove the whole thread. Why can’t they deal with the bullies instead?

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 10/04/2023 17:57

CovertImage · 10/04/2023 17:51

I am not in the slightest bit precious about swearing, but I do object to women calling other women cunts.

I've made this point before but not had much support. Ditto twats and bitches and other misogynistic crap. It's even worse when they call obnoxious men cunts.

Glad it's not just me who finds it off colour. I'm not a huge swearer, but I do swear and it doesn't offend me when other people do. I just don't like the use of that word as an insult.

In some languages, like Dutch, it's a very commonly-used swear word and people use it in the same way as English say "shit" or whatever. To the extent where I believe there was some Ukrainian gymnast who had her surname altered because her first international televised comp was in Rotterdam, and the name was That Word. Presumably they felt they couldn't really have "CUNT" written in big letters across the screen every time the poor girl appeared.

OP posts:
Cnidarian · 10/04/2023 17:58

I always report any abuse I see here and never once have posts not been removed. The problem is the posters, MNHQ can't be policing every thread it's our job, they don't know if you don't tell them and often things can get buried, people skip over. Call it out when you see it, always seems to be more of it in the late/small hours and it can take a while for mods to catch up.