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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The notion of parents charging their children rent is absolutely insane and anyone who does that has failed their responsibility as a parent

61 replies

hcarter8 · 09/04/2023 17:48

No, your responsibility as a parent doesn't end when they hit a magical number of years. You chose to be a parent, that's a lifetime commitment, not an eighteen-year contract.

Im 42 now and lived in a very small house with parents who worked very hard and struggled with money lots of times but they never asked me and my siblings to pay rent. children living with their parents as an adult should be a given. Everyone does it, nobody thinks lesser of young adults living with their parents. Certainly nobody charges their kid fucking rent to live in the same place they have their whole life.

Of course, I don't mean you let your child leech off you till they're 40, never working or doing anything worthwhile with their life rotting away in your basement. But, provided that they are actively making something of themselves, be it education, pursuing their passions or something that will eventually lead them to achieve full independence and move out anyway, adding an unnecessary expense to their budget just makes the time they take to get to that point even longer.

OP posts:
CwmYoy · 09/04/2023 17:53

SweetSakura · 09/04/2023 17:52

I wish my parents had charged me rent and saved it up to give back to me as a house deposit, .like some of my friends parents did. It would have helped me learn about saving and budgeting (they never discussed finances with me and I was utterly naive )

This is exactly what we did. Both DSs very grateful.

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/04/2023 17:53

Absolute bollocks. Many, many parents cannot afford for another adult to live in their house for free.

Also, adults need to learn how to adult. That means taking on responsibility like paying your share of the gas bill and the council tax and learning to help take care of a house.

TheStarOnTheChristmasTree · 09/04/2023 17:54

It's not rent, it's a contribution towards their living costs. Any adult child who still lives at home and doesn't contribute or offer to contribute has parents who have failed them.

Belledan1 · 09/04/2023 17:54

So what about people that are low earners and their tax credits and child benefit gets cut when the kids start work. How are they suppose to manage? Luckily I earn more now so don't rely on them but have in the past. Perhaps you would like to tell us your financial position as you obviously don't live in the real world.

Beamur · 09/04/2023 17:54

Pashy · 09/04/2023 17:53

I wish my family had charged me rent and spoke to me more about the cost of just living.

I got such a fright when I left home and wasn’t equipped for it.

This is such a good point. We do adult children no favours at all to infantalise them.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 09/04/2023 17:54

Oh do fucking wise up. I was charged rent from the age of 16 whilst attending school and working. I therefore did not grow up entitled and knew how to budget by the time I came to live in a place of my own. All while friends had cars, holidays and clothing allowance thrown at them. And I'm glad.

Deadringer · 09/04/2023 17:54

My adult dc don't pay 'rent', but they pay a contribution to the household bills. Why wouldn't they? They have plenty left to socialise and save. I am unemployed and 2 of them earn more than dh. I think it would be weird if we paid for everything and they paid nothing, they aren't children. And we are not British, and don't live in the UK.

x2boys · 09/04/2023 17:55

And neither your any of your siblings ever offered any money to.your struggling parents ,sounds very entitled of you op?
outside of mumsnet ,nice little ,privileged middle class bubble ,some parents can't afford to .subsidise their adult working children.

notanicepersonapparently · 09/04/2023 17:55

Don’t charge them rent so they can piss away their entire salary on drugs?

Look, I can make sweeping generalisations too.

Exhibity · 09/04/2023 17:56

Righto

MaryPoppinsHat · 09/04/2023 17:56

My parents didn't charge my siblings or I rent or for a lot of other things (cars/ petrol/ phones) but we were very fortunate.

Most of our friends were charged (much reduced) rent to help out at home as reduced benefits when kids reached 18/ increased appetite so more food/ use of electricity etc meant it otherwise wasn't viable for them.

Nothing about either situation makes me comment on how people raise their children. Everyone parents differently based on their own experiences/ means/ values 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ no big deal.

Posting as you have is somewhat inflammatory hence the 🍿🍿🍿 comments!

Hamster1111 · 09/04/2023 17:56

I disagree. You don't cease to be a supportive parent, but once your child is an adult, then they should pay their way like an adult. Most parents don't charge the same as private rent and bills, but a contribution to the household is the right thing to do in my opinion. Just like chores are good for kids to contribute to the family and learn to be responsible for themselves.

The only person who I have heard share your view is my SIL, who thinks her parents should support her forever 'because they brought her into the world'. She's 35 and think the world owes her a living.

princesssparklepants · 09/04/2023 17:56

So you were an adult living at home and watched as your parents struggled financially? While you lived rent free..... nice 👌🏼

NeonBoomerang · 09/04/2023 17:57

What? Not everyone can afford to support another adult in the house for years and years

TrashyPanda · 09/04/2023 17:57

Lucyccfc68 · 09/04/2023 17:53

You have failed in your responsibility as a parent if you don’t teach your children/adult children the value of money, budgeting and that everyone has a responsibility to pay their own way in life.

Quite

and you have failed as a parent if your working adult DC are so inconsiderate of others they expect to be fed and housed for nothing.

Hotvimto3 · 09/04/2023 17:57

Botw1 · 09/04/2023 17:49

Thinking every family can afford to fully fund grown adults indefinitely is insanely privileged

Absolutely 💯

letsgotothebeachyay · 09/04/2023 17:58

This is just a wind up post please ignore

Rainbowmama2023 · 09/04/2023 17:58

I think you’re a bit nasty here for starting a thread on saying someone has failed as a parent because you commented on one where the mother asked her daughter for £75 a month instead of £50 a month.

At the end of the day not everyone has the luxury not to charge their adult children rent. I don’t think it’s about children turning a certain age and their parents thinking “that’s it you’re nothing to do with me now” but more their children turning into adults at 18 and paying their way. I don’t see the harm especially if the 18+ year old is earning, saving, having money to spend still and paying rent. It teaches a life lesson as well.

MsCunk · 09/04/2023 17:58

Completely agree, OP. In fact, I am bitter about having to now cook for myself, maintain my own home, and wash my own clothes. This is why I outsource everything with a personal chef, housekeeper and gardner, and a PA who deals with the dry cleaning. Haven't yet found a replacement arse-wiper but I have high hopes with the most recent round of CVs I've received.

AxolotlOnions · 09/04/2023 17:58

I am a single parent carer to an autistic adult child and one still in school. I get roughly £400 UC a month to cover the council tax, bills, food, etc. just how the fuck do I make that cover an extra 2 adults?

RancidOldHag · 09/04/2023 17:58

OK - I'm a failure.

DC are however very glad that they had some lessons in affordability of life (and a sum ranging from several hundred to a couple of thousand, depending on length of time) towards deposit on their eventual place. As the "rent" was payment into their savings.

Also, check your privilege. If you're in straitened circumstances, you cannot necessarily afford to cover the bills for another adult (or adults) indefinitely. And those who are earning need to learn to cover their bills and to budget. Living at home is invariably better VFM than moving out, but that option remains available for those who find their parents intolerable failures

Everydayshouldbe · 09/04/2023 17:58

If I did what you're suggesting OP, I would literally never get to retire.

Bluevelvetsofa · 09/04/2023 17:58

I think it’s part of your responsibility as a parent to ensure that your children understand the mechanics of funding the lifestyle they would like. If adult children are working and not contributing to the household finances, how are they to understand how to manage money when they no longer live at home.

Saving the rent that is charged for a future deposit is fine, but I think that allowing adult children to simply spend the money they earn from work, doesn’t encourage good long term fiscal habits.

Botw1 · 09/04/2023 17:58

Should we flip it then?

Should parents expect kids to house them for free once they retire?

Thighdentitycrisis · 09/04/2023 17:59

What @Lucyccfc68 said

I was a single parent on a low wage with tax credits top up and council tax discount. After uni when he started earning my DC paid half the outgoings of the household and still had money left to spend.