Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have wanted half an hours peace?

74 replies

HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 16:56

I've had my mum and brother here all day decorating for me (I'm disabled I can't manage it myself) I've had a pounding headache, I'm in a lot of pain and the kids have been on a high from seeing their uncle who they absolutely adore.
So once my mum and brother left, and before I had to start cooking I asked the little 2 (7 and 9) to play upstairs for a bit. The 14 year old I thought would understand my need for peace and quiet when I've felt unwell all day.

Oh no. The little 2 started climbing and jumping off beds and the 14 year old brought his keyboard downstairs and decided to play it, loudly, without using the headphones it bloody came with.

Now DS1 is in a strop because I said as good as he is at keyboard I don't want to listen to it right now, and DD and DS2 are bitching and arguing about who jumped first.

All I wanted was half a bloody hour. Just half an hour of quiet time.

For what it's worth I am not only disabled, I'm schizophrenic and autistic and the DC do not see their dad at all so I am literally a full time mum. My mums my carer and does what she can to help, but she had to rush off today as my grandma took a fall or she would have stayed and helped me into bed for a bit. (She'll be back later to make sure I take my meds, get a shower and get into bed safely tonight, and if she's not my brother will be)

So given the circumstances AIBU to have wanted half an hours peace?

OP posts:
ilikeyarn · 09/04/2023 17:15

You have to communicate more effectively. Ask the 14 year old to come and talk to you. Then whisper what the problem is. A lot of people have houses that are too noisy and it sounds like this is the case here. You can grab a half hour here or there but it needs to be prepared. The kids need to expect when it happens.

Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 17:20

The kids are well aware that when I ask them to play upstairs it's because I need some peace and quiet, especially as I'd been asking them all day to keep the noise down due to my headache. I told them at one point I'd only play their game I'd they promised to be quiet because I wasn't feeling very well. So they knew.
The house itself isn't a particularly noisy house. It's just when you have two children bouncing around like kangaroos it does seem to make a difference.

OP posts:
Dogsandchocolaterule · 09/04/2023 17:33

You said you have told them to be quiet all day, and if there has been decorating when do they get to be kids and get some attention?

Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 17:36

If you read my second post you'd see that I've played with them, albeit quietly, while the decorating was going on. The decorating was in another room to where we were. So they've had all day to be kids, just not to be little hooligans and scream and shout. Sorry I put boundaries in place.

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 09/04/2023 17:38

Are the kids dad around? Are you claiming everything you are entitled to, so that you can pay for some extra support at home? It sounds like you have masses on your plate!

newwings · 09/04/2023 17:39

Take headache tablets kids don't understand the parents needs and emotions and I can't imagine they understand autism and disability. It's hard for you yes I don't deny but kids just don't get it. You are not unreasonable for wanting or needing peace but they are being kids?

WeAreAllLionesses · 09/04/2023 17:41

a) get some noise cancelling earbuds or headphones for when the noise is too much and b) send them out into the garden / to play outside if you have somewhere safe. Or c), remove yourself upstairs to the peace and quiet.

WeAreAllLionesses · 09/04/2023 17:41

(and send them downstairs)

Popfan · 09/04/2023 17:41

Really hard for you but if they've been stuck at home all day they are probably bored. They have quite a bit to deal with too.

Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 17:43

Dad isn't around at all. He's violent and abusive.

I believe I'm claiming everything that I can and am currently appealing a pip decision as I believe I should be getting mobility (I'm a wheelchair user and have a completely numb leg but they claimed I can walk without even assessing me. They went off an old assessment)

There's a difference between being kids and being deliberately noisy though surely. They're never normally this noisy, this only happens rarely and usually a quick "kids we can't jump off the beds because its too noisy and you may get hurt" works. But today nothing has gotten through to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 17:46

I know they have a lot to deal with too. And I feel guilty about that every day of my life, believe me. But I can't help that and I'm the only parent that they have so Unfortunately, sometimes, they're going to have to learn how to entertain themselves without causing chaos.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 09/04/2023 17:49

HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 17:20

The kids are well aware that when I ask them to play upstairs it's because I need some peace and quiet, especially as I'd been asking them all day to keep the noise down due to my headache. I told them at one point I'd only play their game I'd they promised to be quiet because I wasn't feeling very well. So they knew.
The house itself isn't a particularly noisy house. It's just when you have two children bouncing around like kangaroos it does seem to make a difference.

Three kids is a lot to have at the best of times. I think yabu to expect them to be quiet.

FP1000 · 09/04/2023 17:49

Sounds like you just want everyone to agree with you tbh.

Skybluepinky · 09/04/2023 17:54

Why didn’t u tell yr 14 year old u needed piece and quiet as u weren’t feeling well?

Timetosayno · 09/04/2023 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ADHDadvice · 09/04/2023 18:03

I'm sorry OP, I can see (hear?) the frustration in your post.

It sounds like you definitely did need half an hour to yourself and im sorry you didnt get it the way you wanted it. But ultimately, kids aren't generally very good at a) recognising the need for some quiet time in themselves nevermind others and/or b) upholding someone else's need for it. They're doing what kids do.

Do you get any respite? Could family help out with the kids for a few hrs?

AlwaysANewUsername · 09/04/2023 18:05

I think you should contact Children's Social Care and Adult Social Care. Have thdm registered as young carers and see what practical support (e.g. respite) can be put in place. Sounds like a very tricky situation.

Overthebow · 09/04/2023 18:08

Can you or your 14 year old take them out for a bit? If they’ve been stuck inside all day and being told to be quiet all day they probably need to run around for a bit and let off some energy, it’s not good for them to be inside all day.

Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 18:09

I have it easy? You try living with schizophrenia and multiple chronic pain conditions while being a single mum. 😂 easy my arse.
I wanted half an hours peace and quiet, which considering they're not toddlers should be fairly easy to achieve.

I'm not expecting everyone To agree, I asked for a reason. Seems I was BU. I know better than to want some respite in future.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 18:11

It's not fair on the 14 year old to have to take his siblings out. I can't expect him to do that.
And they're not registered as young carers because they're not young carers. My mums my carer and does all my care. My kids just have to be kids, which sometimes includes being quiet for half an hour. It's really not that big an ask when they're not tiny.

OP posts:
Original poster
HerRoyalStressHead · 09/04/2023 18:13

And bear in mind, I wasn't telling them they must be silent. I was telling them not to jump off beds and scream and shout like football hooligans. I have no objection to regular noise. It's the OTT noise they've been making all day which I've been telling them to quieten down.

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 09/04/2023 18:13

I think if you want peace and quiet you have to stick a movie/TV show on and ask the 14 year old specifically to give you 30 mins.

they’re kids. Sadly they wouldn’t have the maturity to know what you need, and is unrealistic to expect them to get this (even if you explain it to them).

Believeitornot · 09/04/2023 18:14

I will add, mine are 13&11 and I wouldn’t expect guaranteed peace unless they were on the computer or TV.

AlwaysANewUsername · 09/04/2023 18:15

Does your mum live with you 24/7? If you're asking things of the 14 year old, such as watching the younger kids and keeping them quiet, they're likely to be young carers.

Xrays · 09/04/2023 18:20

I really feel for you op, it sounds very difficult but I think if the kids have been at home all day they probably have cabin fever. Could they go out for a walk altogether? It doesn’t have to be something elaborate, I’m sure the 14 year old could manage for a bit. Just a kick about or run around in a local park? I know it’s a bit late now but I think that’s why they’re all bursting with energy after being inside all day and having their uncle round if they really enjoy having them there.