To have wanted half an hours peace?

[HerRoyalStressHead]

I've had my mum and brother here all day decorating for me (I'm disabled I can't manage it myself) I've had a pounding headache, I'm in a lot of pain and the kids have been on a high from seeing their uncle who they absolutely adore.
So once my mum and brother left, and before I had to start cooking I asked the little 2 (7 and 9) to play upstairs for a bit. The 14 year old I thought would understand my need for peace and quiet when I've felt unwell all day.

Oh no. The little 2 started climbing and jumping off beds and the 14 year old brought his keyboard downstairs and decided to play it, loudly, without using the headphones it bloody came with.

Now DS1 is in a strop because I said as good as he is at keyboard I don't want to listen to it right now, and DD and DS2 are bitching and arguing about who jumped first.

All I wanted was half a bloody hour. Just half an hour of quiet time.

For what it's worth I am not only disabled, I'm schizophrenic and autistic and the DC do not see their dad at all so I am literally a full time mum. My mums my carer and does what she can to help, but she had to rush off today as my grandma took a fall or she would have stayed and helped me into bed for a bit. (She'll be back later to make sure I take my meds, get a shower and get into bed safely tonight, and if she's not my brother will be)

So given the circumstances AIBU to have wanted half an hours peace?

Usually my mums here to help but my grandma is currently in hospital after having taken a fall. She's the only child so needs to be there with her.

I was thinking help from outside, not your mum. Sounds like you will need help in the long run, and not depend on your mum? If you were diagnosed late, is there no help to get (for free) if you honestly can’t cope?

As it stands there's no one willing to help. I'm pushed from pillar to post when asking for help from outside. They tell me that as my mums so involved I don't need any extra care. And the MH team is understaffed and underfunded. I've never even met my key person.

So tell them your mum can no longer be involved as she now has to care for her own mum?

If I do that she loses her carers allowance, which although a pittance, she depends on to survive.

It sounds very difficult for all of you. You have my sympathies.

Ok I see op. Hope you get to have some quiet time tonight. Children are clever, they can probably sense you are not yourself and it makes them act up a bit, the opposite of what you need, but that’s children acting their age.

Thanks. Only a couple of hours until both little ones are in bed. Then I'll probably watch some anime with the 14 year old. My brothers on his way back to mine now too now he's fed the cats. Mums still stuck in A and E with grandma. She's not been seen yet. It's a sorry state of affairs in the NHS at the minute.

Aw bless you. That's a tough situ you're in, but you sound like you're doing great.

If your 14yo has headphones, he could play his keyboard and listen without disturbing you.

The younger kids sound like they were over energetic. If you dont already have one, it might be an idea to have a place you go to for your respite cos you need that. Could you go to your bedroom and tell the children not to disturb you for 30minutes, to pop a film on or whatever, with snacks and drinks and set them up to have chill time too?

I don't know your circumstances, but YANBU to need time for yourself as a single parent. But with your health conditions, you need that respite time even more.

Sending a hug x

Children tend to pick up on emotions and react very strongly sometimes. Plus being out of a routine and bring with each other more can really throw them. Sadly you are the adult so you have to just suck up this bad day. And maybe have an action plan for the next one. But I do agree see despite your protestations your children should be treated as young careers as their life will be impacted. It could also open up access to groups and support for them and you. Young carers groups tend to have days out, special activities. Plus it's isolating as well. Being a teenager having young siblings and a disabled mum. A deadbeat dad! It's a lot to cope with.

YANBU, LTBs

(Only joking - not sure what you want to hear OP - in a question of adults versus small children, not sure reasonableness or unreasonableness is all that relevant. Unless the 7 year olds are literally doing graffiti and arson, but here they're just being an annoyance on a bad day)

They're not quite at the level of arson and graffiti no, but honestly if it kept them quiet I might let them

Nearly bedtime.

Your poor mother.

I agree, poor mum. She does so much for us.

OP I dread Easter every year, bloody chocolate eggs - sends even well behaved kids into little hooligans and mine are feral at the best of times.

Deep breath, nearly bedtime and tomorrow is another day. Hope your grandma is okay!

Thank you. I hope so too.

Oh I don't know... because they're kids? Because it's Easter?

Sounds like her poor mother goes above and beyond, as well as also having her own elderly mother to watch out for…

I agree with this.

I’m not in the UK, but surely you can’t register children as carers? How would that work?

@TrewleyTired Young carers are children who have to care for siblings / adults.

https://carers.org/getting-support-if-you-are-a-young-carer-or-young-adult-carer/getting-support-if-you-are-a-young-carer-or-young-adult-carer

there’s lots of help available to help support them at school / respite / someone to talk to.

@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister Thank you, that is interesting, will read!

Op as usual for aibu you've had a hard time from some posters. In answer to your question no I don't think you abu needing 30 mins peace. It sounds like life is really tough. The last few days have been difficult. Everyone is entitled to rant at times. I really don't blame you. I hope you feel more relaxed now. You sound like a great mum with a lovely mum of your own too. So nice that you support each other. Take care x