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Original poster

Caught DD smoking weed

75 replies

incognitoborito · 09/04/2023 15:25

I need some urgent advice on how I tackle this? My usually very sensible 15 year old DD was smoking weed last night.
She had a friend over and they went to the shop for snacks. They came back and I could smell it in the hallway. The windows were open and I presumed it was my neighbour as he smokes it in the garden so thought nothing more of it. This morning when she was about to go out with said friend I could smell it on her. I questioned her and got the usual teenage excuses before she finally fessed up but tried to throw everyone else under the bus. Any advice? I really never thought I'd have issues like this with her!😣

OP posts:
LBFseBrom · 09/04/2023 15:31

Just tell her she is not to smoke weed in your house and tell her friend that if it happens again you will grass her up to her parents.

It's just a phase, your daughter is at the age to try things like that - and booze.

Ilovetea42 · 09/04/2023 15:32

Talk to her about where it comes from, what she's supporting by using it and the implications for her own health and wellbeing. I'd acknowledge that it's normal to be curious etc but that it's not as harmless as people sometimes suggest and that it's disrespectful to use it in your home and then lie to you about it. I'd talk about being strong in yourself when friends are doing something- she doesn't need to judge them but she needs to not join in etc and if they're true friends they'll respect her more for that. I'd also explain that her friends could be putting themselves in risky positions by getting it and often young people are gifted weed and then told they owe money later etc. I'd also talk about the dangers of trauma and addiction, if your dd has experienced anything traumatic in life she's at increased risk of addiction and using it to self medicate etc etc. I would try to be as open as possible and calm as possible and try to educate because if she's struggling with this again you want her to be able to come to you about it.

GooseberryCinnamonYogurt · 09/04/2023 15:48

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2023 15:31

Just tell her she is not to smoke weed in your house and tell her friend that if it happens again you will grass her up to her parents.

It's just a phase, your daughter is at the age to try things like that - and booze.

A phase she prob won't grow out of so nip this in the bud now!

ScrollingLeaves · 09/04/2023 15:50

Ilovetea42· Today 15:32

You have put that very well.

Createausername1970 · 09/04/2023 15:55

The dreaded weed. My son smoked that for a while at the same age. I wasn't happy about it and made it very clear I didnt want it in the house and that I would flush away anything I found in his room (and I did). He had/has mental health issues, and cannabis can make these worse. But I tried to keep the channels of communication open and we talked about how it made him feel etc ( he now takes prescribed anxiety meds - so this was an important part of the journey to get to this point, although I didn't exactly see it at the time).

My advice - don't go OTT. There are worse things to experiment with and you need to know she would feel able to come to you if something else got out of hand.

Easterfunbun · 09/04/2023 15:57

I would come down hard on this. It’s not cool, it’s not a phase, and yes it is harmful. Don’t be one of those cool parents who accept weed. Parents like that aren’t cool.

RedHelenB · 09/04/2023 15:59

LBFseBrom · 09/04/2023 15:31

Just tell her she is not to smoke weed in your house and tell her friend that if it happens again you will grass her up to her parents.

It's just a phase, your daughter is at the age to try things like that - and booze.

This.

OKFinally · 09/04/2023 16:01

DS did this and still does occasionally, because I didn’t make a big deal of it, he soon got bored with the forbidden fruit.

Catshaveiteasy · 09/04/2023 16:05

Createausername1970 · 09/04/2023 15:55

The dreaded weed. My son smoked that for a while at the same age. I wasn't happy about it and made it very clear I didnt want it in the house and that I would flush away anything I found in his room (and I did). He had/has mental health issues, and cannabis can make these worse. But I tried to keep the channels of communication open and we talked about how it made him feel etc ( he now takes prescribed anxiety meds - so this was an important part of the journey to get to this point, although I didn't exactly see it at the time).

My advice - don't go OTT. There are worse things to experiment with and you need to know she would feel able to come to you if something else got out of hand.

Agree. My dd smokes weed. I don't like that she does but she has had some quite significant mental health issues over the past couple of years and is also on anti depressants, that finally seem to be working (hopefully).

We don't allow her to do it in the house and won't directly give her money for it though. She has seen a psychiatrist and is now seeing a counsellor regularly that she likes, and neither have been too hard line about the weed. The counselor supports her with not increasing her usage and is helping vher deal with some PSTD she experienced following an unpleasant event last Autumn.

None of this applies to your 15 yo probably - she's just experimenting. But being too anti will just make her hide what she does. For my dd it started with alcohol - started finding empty bottles in the bushes in the garden and hidden in her bedroom. Now alcohol is far less of a focus, which makes weed seem preferable, though hardly ideal. She wants to stop now, luckily, but banning her would not have worked (we tried that!).

Nimbostratus100 · 09/04/2023 16:09

You need to stamp this out immediately - dont listen to anyone who says "o just talk to her" or "its just a phase" etc

Now is not the time for "gentle parenting"

She is giving herself permanent brain damage, decimating her educational prospects, in touch with violent criminals and supporting child slavery.

Where did she get the money from? She loses that source of money immediately,

Who was she doing it with? No more contact with that person. If they are together in school, get in touch with the school and make sure they are in different classes.

When did she go and buy weed? She has just lost her right to go out unsupervised.

Original poster
incognitoborito · 09/04/2023 16:48

Thanks everyone. A bit of a mixed bag and while I'm quite liberal. I mean I was 15 once. I know it's "normal" and hopefully she is just experimenting but I have taken quite a hard line with her. She's lost her iphone, access to money for a good while, she is now to spend the rest of the holidays indoors and when she's back at school she is to come home straight away. Her friend isn't at her school. They are part of an extra curricular club together so will only see eachother supervised for an hour a week. Not that I'm blaming the other girl though. DD has her own mind and she cannot blame anyone else. I'm not sure whose idea it was and I'm never going to know.
It's more so the lack of respect as fter me allowing a sleepover, which is rare. And the blatantness of it. It boils down to complete lack of respect for me.
And to think the most I was worried about before today was bloody vaping. I wish that's all it was!

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 09/04/2023 17:01

I’d talk to her about the risks etc, but don’t go to OTT. She’s a teen, she wants to try things. I’d rather my kids smoked at home on safety than somewhere they could get taken advantage of

LlynTegid · 09/04/2023 17:22

Glad to see you have acted. Hope that works.

Glad to know you disapprove and don't want to see more deaths such as that of Olivia Pratt-Korbel.

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 17:28

All of my kids have smoked weed. I have 3 teens. They know I do not support their decision. I’m very open about the dangers, etc. but I will not punish them unless it starts to affect their life. They are all very high functioning members of society (work, get good grades, etc)

However, I have a low tolerance for alcohol. Under 18 it’s a hard no and they will be punished if caught. Alcohol is far more dangerous than weed.

Dartmoorcheffy · 09/04/2023 17:32

I smoked it at this age, until I was around 18 then just got bored and didn't bother again. I've got friends who have smoked it all their teen and adult lives. It's legal in many parts of the world. There really isn't much you can do and you can't keep her grounded forever.

Whatthefnow · 09/04/2023 17:33

Gosh you've come down on her very hard op.

stardustpixy · 09/04/2023 17:34

They all do it

CanIBlameEricaJong · 09/04/2023 18:05

Please please don't confuse weed these days with what you smoked when you were younger. Most of the stuff today has massively higher THC levels and also various other additives that can cause permanent lung damage. It's not a "natural high" once it's been produced in this way.
Many teens who smoke and have MH issues find the MH issues are exacerbated or even caused by the weed.
I see this through my own experience in the schools system, and having teen children.
Unfortunately you're not being a cool parent by allowing you teen to only smoke "out of the house" - you're allowing them to be at risk.

CantFindTheBeat · 09/04/2023 18:14

I think you're right to put consequences in place, OP.

Other people are right. It is common, but that doesn't make it right. And your DD is 15, which is very young, too.

My DD was 17 & 18 when she was doing it (she's 23 now). Became very sullen, entitled and depressed. And they have to buy it from very scuzzy people who buy it from very scuzzy people and on and on.
Luckily she went travelling where it was very illegal so stopped, and now has a job where they do random drug tests, so has grown out of it plus can't.

Having weed in school/lockers was an expellable offence at school too,

I admire you for putting sanctions in place.
Weed is shit.

CantFindTheBeat · 09/04/2023 18:17

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 17:28

All of my kids have smoked weed. I have 3 teens. They know I do not support their decision. I’m very open about the dangers, etc. but I will not punish them unless it starts to affect their life. They are all very high functioning members of society (work, get good grades, etc)

However, I have a low tolerance for alcohol. Under 18 it’s a hard no and they will be punished if caught. Alcohol is far more dangerous than weed.

The physical effects of weed might be less than alcohol (might) but the origin of weed, the sellers, the criminal networks, county lines, knife crime and potential criminal records that come with weed make your decision here rather ridiculous.

MavisMcMinty · 09/04/2023 18:23

Weed is a nice drug, but its frequent use makes people very lazy and unmotivated, which is unhelpful when people are having to work hard for exams. It’s also not good for still-developing brains. There’s no point trying to make out it’s dangerous, as everyone knows it really isn’t, but worth discussing the negatives and advising her to limit its use while she’s still young. She can do it to her heart’s content when she’s in her 20s!

Londongal123 · 09/04/2023 19:14

CantFindTheBeat · 09/04/2023 18:17

The physical effects of weed might be less than alcohol (might) but the origin of weed, the sellers, the criminal networks, county lines, knife crime and potential criminal records that come with weed make your decision here rather ridiculous.

Show quote history

Where did I say I support their decision? I didn’t.

I'm just pointing out that it’s not as harmful on their bodies as alcohol.

You have made a very valid argument of how far behind this country is on this topic. Weed should be legal.

CantFindTheBeat · 09/04/2023 20:08

@Londongal123

I guess as you said 'they no I do not support their decision' with regards to weed, yet your Uber hard stance on alcohol. Seems to give off the wrong vibe to me.

OriginalUsername2 · 09/04/2023 20:20

Nimbostratus100 · 09/04/2023 16:09

You need to stamp this out immediately - dont listen to anyone who says "o just talk to her" or "its just a phase" etc

Now is not the time for "gentle parenting"

She is giving herself permanent brain damage, decimating her educational prospects, in touch with violent criminals and supporting child slavery.

Where did she get the money from? She loses that source of money immediately,

Who was she doing it with? No more contact with that person. If they are together in school, get in touch with the school and make sure they are in different classes.

When did she go and buy weed? She has just lost her right to go out unsupervised.

No no no. Big mistake to do this unless you want her to leave on bad terms. My friends who had mums like this just climbed out of windows.

Nimbostratus100 · 09/04/2023 21:44

OriginalUsername2 · 09/04/2023 20:20

No no no. Big mistake to do this unless you want her to leave on bad terms. My friends who had mums like this just climbed out of windows.

Show quote history

it is the only way to respond. NO pandering and pussyfooting around.

What is she going to think of you 30/40/50/60/70/80, still living below her potential because you have allowed her to give herself permanent brain damage aged 15 in case she climbed out of a window if you didn't?

What about other peoples children being starved and neglected, no education, no health care, to provide weed for some spoilt privileged 15 year old, what bout their future?

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