Caught DD smoking weed

[incognitoborito]

I need some urgent advice on how I tackle this? My usually very sensible 15 year old DD was smoking weed last night.
She had a friend over and they went to the shop for snacks. They came back and I could smell it in the hallway. The windows were open and I presumed it was my neighbour as he smokes it in the garden so thought nothing more of it. This morning when she was about to go out with said friend I could smell it on her. I questioned her and got the usual teenage excuses before she finally fessed up but tried to throw everyone else under the bus. Any advice? I really never thought I'd have issues like this with her!😣

I agree it's probably safer than alcohol. But not at this age. She has exams coming up, her brain is still developing etc. I really didn't expect this from her. She's usually so sensible. She's bookish, smart and a bit of a goody goody. I know peer pressure plays a big part but you just really never know do you. I'm so disappointed. It is very young. I think I first tried it when I was about 17. And it was nothing like today's strength.
I attempted to speak to her about it over dinner tonight. All I received was attitude and sass like I'm the one in the wrong. Give me strength.

Well you've completely overreacted and set a precedent which you will be unable to maintain. I can understand you are anxious and upset, but the punishment you've suggested is not the basis on which you can build a functioning, honest relationship.

I think you need to find a way to wind that back a little, otherwise she is never going to be able to trust sharing grey area situations with you ever again - you might feel that you have 'nipped it in the bud' via punishment but really it's just created a chasm between you which you either need to rebuild or just accept you will never have an honest relationship when she inevitably gets exposed to other things as she gets older

You need to be her parent not the executioner

Knew some numpty would bring up the alcohol argument like it makes it even remotely okay, and anyway cannabis has changed a LOT. It’s NOT even a natural substance anymore and it’s a lot stronger these days. Nip it in the bud quickly.

It’s typical teen behaviour OP so I wouldn’t overjoyed worry tbh. I’d hsvd s chat with her about her fiends and what made her smoke it- was it peer pressure or just curiosity?
Explaun the implications on her body and from a legal pov then let it go imo

She's either a bit of an idiot doing this at home, or she knows you're quiet soft and won't do much.

This.

I grew up around Rastafarians (which included my dad) and many of them didn't smoke the stuff your teens do. They have nowhere near the MH issues that the younger generation have, and it's mostly due to the switch in the type of weed widely available.

Also, I've been watching the states. Is no-one here afraid of the rates at which young people are dying because their normal recreational drugs are getting laced with Fentanyl?

It's more so the lack of respect after me allowing a sleepover, which is rare.

Can I ask why you don't allow sleepovers normally if she's usually well behaved?

It seems quite an unusual restriction at her age.

@Nimbostratus100 do you have teen children?

Eh? Weed laced with fentanyl?

So much lazy parenting on this thread..

Smoking weed is not OK/something that all teens should just be let to experience with.

By buying weed you are giving your money to some seriously dodgy types and supporting criminal networks. Something that people often gloss over.

The stuff they are buying is likely to be mixed with all kind of rubbish.

Weed might be harmless and non addictive for many people, but for others it will be the start of addiction or will worsen existing mental health issues.

Plus what a waste of your money.

Frankly I despair when I read so many ''it's fine, just don't let them do in the house''...

OP just make it clear that this is not acceptable.

You are their parent, not their ''cool friend'''.

I had adult acquaintances who literally could not function without their daily weed break. It can turn into addiction and lead to other, more dangerous drugs.

She has done her teen experiment phase, now she needs to understand the implications and face the consequences.

Don't let anyone making you feel bad for acting as a responsible parent should.

Meh, I’d probably issue the same consequences that you have OP, but some of the bed wetters on this thread need to give their head a wobble.

Shes had a puff on a joint, and probably will have many more over the years, it’s not going to destroy her brain or ruin her life.

@incognitoborito
I think this is such a difficult situation. It’s not easy to see what the best course of action is. The NSPCC has good advice.

Im not happy to just accept teenagers try drugs at 15. They most certainly don’t all do this. At university it’s a higher percentage and government stats say going to clubs definitely leads to drug taking in more people. However your DD isn’t in these categories.

As this other DD is not from school, how well do you know her background? Lots of young people get weed from parents. They don’t necessarily buy it. It’s in the house. As you can see, some parents are not that fussed about it. The NHS treats DC taking alcohol and drugs as equivalent. Both can lead to dependency and health issues.

DD is smarting from being found out. When she calms down, open up the conversation again. Try and find out if anything is worrying her. With girls this can lead to drug taking. Continued drug taking often is linked to adverse childhood/teen experiences. Hopefully she doesn’t have any but be vigilant. I wish you well but don’t just accept this as a teen blip. At 15 she’s smoking and has taken weed. She’s stroppy so you need to try and get to the bottom of it. The majority of DC are not repeat weed users so take heart! Good luck.

Props for "grass her up" and "nip this in the bud now."

I have had many teen children, and I have taught thousands of teen children, and I have seen weed devast lives both of the smokers and the child slaves forces to grow it.

First of all, I'd say 'Don't panic'. My siblings and I were all very 'sensible' teenagers who smoked weed sometimes and still got excellent exam results etc etc. It's not to hell in handcart if they've had some.

If it were my kids I would likely tell them the occasional social joint is OK, but don't get into doing in regularly because a) you can end up feeling you need it in order to relax and b) you might end up being one of those boring people whose response to 'what are you doing this weekend?' is always 'Getting stoned' and those people, as well as being boring, do tend to mess up their prospects for the sake of getting stoned all the time. You could also talk about the problems of what the drug trade funds.

But at the end of the day, be realistic and proportionate. If she is a good and sensible kid, it's not a battle that needs to be picked. It might be if it was along with not bothering to work, bad behaviour, problematic friends, partying all day and night etc - but keep it in proportion.

As you can see here, though - people have many different ideas!

This is currently an American problem, and happily fentanyl isn't devastating lives at the rate it is in the US. But yes. Fentanyl is being cut into normal recreational drugs, and many teens are overdosing on it. Here's an alert for weed in an area (USA) that had been cut with fentanyl.

Our son tried weed at a similar age. Everytime we pointed out the dangers, he came up with articles showing it was safe, alcohol is worse, politicians talking about legalising it 'so it can't be dangerous', everybody smokes it so it can't be dangerous. It was an uphill battle that has wrecked his life, wrecked any family gatherings, he has spent 3 months in secure mental facility and at the age of 42 he has never been able to hold down a job or a relationship. Not only that, but by smoking weed he us supporting scumbags that think nothing of 9 year old children being caught in the crossfire of their turfwars. Be as heavy as you can without losing your childs support. It us hard, and I hope you don't have to go through 25 years like we have.

Omg I had no idea, that’s horrible
Wouldn’t that be another reason to have licensed dispensaries and inspections, quality control, etc?

I smoked a lot of weed in my 20s. I was 17 The first time I tried. I stayed mostly away from skunk but sometimes it was all I could get. And I have no idea what it was I was smoking in the ‘not skunk’ I was buying.
I eventually stopped because it made me so anxious and guilty. It was difficult to stop. I was/am definitely addicted to it. I’ve tried having a tiny bit of it in the house, for the weekend or whatever, but if it’s around, I smoke it. The clock hits 5pm and I’m at it, monday to monday. So I moved on to only smoking if someone else offered it to me, and never having mine (that worked - as weed was more a psychological addiction than chemical). That was before I had children (don’t smoke anymore).
I definitely have mental health issues and had and still have support for them (therapy and medication), these were not brought about by weed, they were exacerbated by it. The weed plugged a gap. As did other drugs. Of where love, understanding, nurture should have been. I disagree that weed is a ‘gateway drug’, that’s a simplistic view. I believe that, had I not had a gap to plug, I wouldn’t have turned to drugs. I may have experimented anyway but would have grown tired of it. Ultimately, your DD will do what she wants, if not now, some day. As pp said, teens will jump out windows. Or they’ll run from
home, etc Sure, the later, the better as developing brain and so on. But give her love and nurture and support (in general, not with weed/drugs, obvs) and she’ll be much less inclined or likely to keep using anything psychotropic beyond experimentation.

Very OTT. She will now just do it behind your back

Agree

so "occasionally socially" endorsing and colluding with child slavery is ok? Someone elses child starved, uneducated and without any medical care, to service the wants of your child? You are ok with that?

There's a lot of people who don't really understand or have any experience with weed replying in this thread. I smoked for around 15 years (not any more) and have always had a good job etc. but saying things like you don't know what weed is mixed together or cut with imo doesn't make sense as it grows as a plant and buds are cut off and bagged it's not cut with anything at all as that's quite impossible? One thing is it could be sprayed with chemicals to help it grow but you can smell that but if you have a trusted dealer you know that isn't the case, most people who sell weed are different to people who sell cocaine for example as the money isn't really in it with weed. Everyone I used to get it from were all friends who worked and had stable jobs and normal families. So the criminal enterprise part is a bit far fetched too imo never really heard of any violence or anything other that friendliness from weed dealers to be honest. What I would say if that the harsher you are on her the more sneaky she may become and you may push her more towards smoking it. Alcohol is way way worse but most parents let their children have a cheeky drink before they are of age. I just think weed gets way more of a bad reputation when people don't really understand it.

Sorry I think I come across a bit rude in that reply, I just wanted to get my personal experience across and hope it helps some people somewhat.

I sometimes smell weed on my 17 year old.
he know I will not have it in my house and that I worry about drugs in general and we talk but ultimately, he is 18 in a few months and can move and do whatever he wants so coming down really hard in this is only going to push him away