To ask if I’m autistic?

[Thehonestbadger]

Obviously I know non of us are ‘the professionals’ but getting a diagnosis as an adult is next to impossible, or incredibly expensive. I have a DS who has diagnosed ASD, completely non verbal and very low understanding of the world and that’s how this came to light. It was suggested to me I may also be.

• I don’t struggle entering social situations or new environments (I rather enjoy that and appear to be an extrovert) but I can’t maintain relationships. I’m everyone’s best friend for a few months then it fizzles out. It’s like I know the script to a certain point and then I feel awkward and stop.
• I have extremely intense food habits. I restrict heavily, have ‘safe’ foods and worry about foods I’ve eaten endlessly and can make myself quite unwell over it. I can’t get my head around sudden changes and internally freak out. Today DH went to the butchers and told me he bought burgers for dinner, great. Came to cook them and he’d bought different flavoured ones…literally couldn’t even swallow it just ate flapjack for dinner instead. I’ve been to so many therapists about my food issues and non of them every know what to do with me. I had CBT- didn’t work.
• This is an odd one but I frequently find myself reminding myself to look people in the eye whilst talking to them, or mentally checking off social behaviours as I do them. I’ve always done this. It’s like I correct myself in my head. I’ve always loved acting and drama and a lot of my life feels like I’m acting out a rehearsed roll.
• When I zone out I ZONE OUT I mean you could stand in front of me talking to me and I’d not recall a word. I’m gone.
• I have an intense imagination. I can literally disappear into my imagination. No joke I can like step into a daydream and entertain myself for hours. When the kids go to bed DH will often be like ‘why do you just lie on your bed for like an hour if you’re not going to sleep’ and honestly it’s because I’m living my own story in my head.

I mean, I’ve worked my whole life, social and professional jobs. Have a house, DH and kids. Tbh it’s only the last year I’ve started to really notice how unusual these behaviours actually are.

What does it matter? Why do you want a label?

Because there’s a lot of frustration over some of my behaviours atm and, especially in regards to food, an endless expectation that I need to ‘fix’ my awful relationship with food. I’ve bounced from therapy to therapy and DH has started worrying our youngest DD is going to copy me.

If I am autistic I think I’d give myself more credit that it’s not something I’m ever going to ‘fix’

Watch the Chris Packham documentary on iPlayer.

There's an autistic woman on there who is eye opening.

Very similar to myself.

@FlowersAndBonnets are you always so bl**dy nasty in real life.

I'm not autistic and I am all of those things. Sounds like you may have ARFID though, I have it and it's a ball ache.
I'm sure people forget it's ok to have your own personality, characteristics, strengths and weaknesses without needing some sort of diagnosis and label for it all.

Well, I can certainly think of a label for you!

Well you certainly have.

I'm autistic. Diagnosed in my 50s. I also do well at work, have a family and am a homeowner.

Some of the things you said really resonate with me, especially learning a social script.
Others aren't true for me but I know that they are for some other autistic people.

Having an autistic child makes it more likely that there's autism in the family. I'm pretty sure that I inherited it from my dad although he was never diagnosed.

If I were you, I'd pursue an NHS assessment. It'll probably take a few years but it sounds as though you are coping well and there's no urgency.

There was no support after my diagnosis but the relief of being taken seriously and being told that I wasn't reading too much into things was huge.
It helped me to understand myself and it's made it easier for me to give myself permission not to do certain things.

My dd has hfa .. I'd say you have from your description .
We paid £2700 for her diagnosis as she was 17 and no one had flagged it up before

Two psychiatrists said hfa in girls should have a different name as it's nothing like autism in boys .

Hth

Don’t worry I’m not taking nasty comments personally.
I know my behaviours, especially the food stuff, aren’t normal and I’ve been doing them since pre teens. What I don’t understand is why years of therapy and complete dedication on my part have done nothing to help. I give 110% and I just can’t reprogram my brain. I really don’t want to think and feel this way.

I worry I am as well.
Find social interactions really tough, same with eye contact. Am a very anxious person.
Also look really young for my age and have an odd accent. All markers for autism.

OP, you sound a lot like me. I was diagnosed last year. I wanted to find out professionally because if I can understand the reasons behind why I think & feel in the ways that I do, then I can approach making positive changes from the most helpful angle.

For me it's the complete opposite of absolving myself of responsibility. For example, I've been trying and failing to learn to drive for years. Since I found out how my brain works, my instructor and I approach it differently and I'm very close to being test ready. That's just one example. It's also helped me in my relationships as I am now more likely to take a step back in stressful situations, take a beat, remind myself that I process things differently sometimes, and gather myself in a healthy way before I respond. Life is much calmer!

I'm very much a work in progress but having a diagnosis has helped me to start to create my own operational manual for myself

It also helps for reasonable adjustments at work. And helps me be a better parent to my eldest who is very much like me (but still very little so nothing set in stone).

FlowersAndBonnets is a label, why would you want that? It's useful isn't it? Your label. It helps us direct our replies to you, without all these labels this would all be a confusing mass of words with no idea who or what everyone was going on about. Also because words are labels too. Without labels we have no language and therefore no civilisation so try to be civilised, ok?

I'm autistic and I am very sociable, day dream a lot, feel like I'm always acting... go to your GP. I was diagnosed 5 years ago on the NHS within 3 months. you might get lucky, you never know. If the waiting list is long you can ask to select your own practitioner under the right to choose. https://psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose-asd/#:~:text=What%20is%20Right%20To%20Choose,be%20referred%20to%20a%20specialist.

As a diagnostic clinician for Neurodevelopmental disorders I’d say ask for a referral for assessment. Obviously waiting times vary massively depending on your trust area, in mine adult referrals are seen within 18 weeks, children somewhat longer.

@FlowersAndBonnets gosh, what made you like this? What a way to spend a lovely day. Such a shame for you

When my son was diognosed with autism I was told it can run in the family so maybe you are. In my family it's an uncle, my brother, and my son (who we know off anyway)

Yes I believe my grandfather, aunt and mother are all autistic as well.

The "label" helped me be kinder to myself and recognise that I've done ok despite the difficulties rather than giving myself a hard time for not having achieved more. Also made sense as to why therapy hadn't helped massively with certain issues.

I wonder about this. I feel like I'm acting, don't have food issues but do have what DH considers a very high tolerance for eating the same food for multiple meals in a row if it's something I like - it's also a running joke that I only like watching films I've already seen (and the same could be said for videogames).

I definitely have special interests, DS is waiting for assessment for ASD and he is very like me in immersing himself in something and being completely obsessed with it - I've just learnt not to talk about it 24/7.

On the other hand someone started a thread on here about their experience of ADHD and I could have written it about my life, just without the diagnosis.

It sounds like you could be OP. If you think it would be helpful to know for sure, ask your GP for a referral. I'm having my formal assessment next week (although my psychiatrist has already diagnosed me but she can't do the formal report due to the restrictions with my private health insurance) and it's costing me £1,000.

Op, the nasty posts were from one sick person. Confirmed by hq as a pbp / troll. Some people have nothing better to do with their time.

Could be Autism, could be ADHD, could be both - there is overlap and it’s quite common.

I’ve noticed an uptick in my ADHD symptoms over the last year or so (now we’re out of covid lockdowns) and I think it’s because for 2 years my ADHD got to have a lovely time running free and doesn’t want to get back in it’s box!

The question is, are you impacted adversely by your symptoms and do you feel knowing would make you feel better/happier/more in control? Ultimately if it’s yes, do it. If it’s a no, take a beat and consider if you want to go through the rigmarole of the NHS to get something that might not be materially helpful (that said the peace of mind is not to be discounted.)

Eitherway there’s lots of Twitter and Instagram support out there and you might find some really helpful tips to support yourself while you make the decision.

I think it's worth asking for a referral OP, if youd like to know for sure.
I have 2 DDs recently diagnosed in their teens, they are also on waiting lists for ADHD, there's a lot of overlap. Tbh many friends were surprised they were autistic.
Youngest went off rails at puberty and start of secondary school.
It's also make me think more closely about me and DH.
I'm pretty sure we are both also on the spectrum but manage everyday life, have jobs , friends etc.
I also spent a lot of time living in an imaginary world and also trained myself ( and DC) to be social, but also find it hard to develop friendships beyond superficial level.
Youngest DD with ASC also is very very fussy about food, will only eat very limited range of foods. I think there's a chance you are but up to you if you want to pursue a diagnosis.
It's fairly common for parents to be diagnosed after their DC are.
Adult referrals are quicker than children's ones I think.