To ask if I’m autistic?

[Thehonestbadger]

Obviously I know non of us are ‘the professionals’ but getting a diagnosis as an adult is next to impossible, or incredibly expensive. I have a DS who has diagnosed ASD, completely non verbal and very low understanding of the world and that’s how this came to light. It was suggested to me I may also be.

• I don’t struggle entering social situations or new environments (I rather enjoy that and appear to be an extrovert) but I can’t maintain relationships. I’m everyone’s best friend for a few months then it fizzles out. It’s like I know the script to a certain point and then I feel awkward and stop.
• I have extremely intense food habits. I restrict heavily, have ‘safe’ foods and worry about foods I’ve eaten endlessly and can make myself quite unwell over it. I can’t get my head around sudden changes and internally freak out. Today DH went to the butchers and told me he bought burgers for dinner, great. Came to cook them and he’d bought different flavoured ones…literally couldn’t even swallow it just ate flapjack for dinner instead. I’ve been to so many therapists about my food issues and non of them every know what to do with me. I had CBT- didn’t work.
• This is an odd one but I frequently find myself reminding myself to look people in the eye whilst talking to them, or mentally checking off social behaviours as I do them. I’ve always done this. It’s like I correct myself in my head. I’ve always loved acting and drama and a lot of my life feels like I’m acting out a rehearsed roll.
• When I zone out I ZONE OUT I mean you could stand in front of me talking to me and I’d not recall a word. I’m gone.
• I have an intense imagination. I can literally disappear into my imagination. No joke I can like step into a daydream and entertain myself for hours. When the kids go to bed DH will often be like ‘why do you just lie on your bed for like an hour if you’re not going to sleep’ and honestly it’s because I’m living my own story in my head.

I mean, I’ve worked my whole life, social and professional jobs. Have a house, DH and kids. Tbh it’s only the last year I’ve started to really notice how unusual these behaviours actually are.

What exactly are the issues with food? When you say you restrict are you malnourished? Malnutrition shrinks some parts of the brain and this can cause autistic like traits. Have you seen a dietitian or an eating disorder service?

Watch the Christine McGuiness programme on women and autism. She talks about how it’s linked to food issues. Female autism presents different to males and some of the things you said were mentioned by her in the programme.

my friend keeps reminding me to watch this. I loved the Chris Packham one!

I was diagnosed in my 30s (ASD and ADHD) and my thoughts are that no one should identify as anything without a professional diagnosis. Do what it takes to get one or forget it.

Everyone thinks they’re on the spectrum because the descriptions of the symptoms are relatable without recognising that you need to be autistic to even be at entry level on the spectrum.

The descriptions mean a completely different thing to people who are actually autistic, like any common symptom does to someone with an underlying condition.

All of that said, I do relate to your situation and to your issues. A diagnosis won’t change any of them though and because “everyone is on the spectrum” it likely won’t make other people accepting of you either.

The number of non-autistic people constantly complaining about their “traits” being triggered whilst I’m standing there barely holding myself together and everyone thinking I’m calmness incarnate is absurd.

I found attending a counselling course very helpful in teaching me how to communicate and listen to people better.

My cousin is autistic and needs care/support 24/7 as she is very affected with executive functioning skills, she is not able to cope alone.

Her imagination is incredible, and she's very creative.

More or less what my GP said to me when I asked about being assessed for adult ADD.

This is me and I'm autistic but you'd need an assessment of more of your lives experience and behaviours.

Well firstly you may be entitled to claim PIP. Secondly the legal protection of having a diagnosed disability is valuable especially in the workplace. Thirdly if you have a diagnosis it helps you to understand your own difficulties and get support where needed.

I fail to see how having survived to age 30/40 without diagnosis and support is an excuse for saying that you need to continue to survive for another 30/40 years without diagnosis and support!

Go to your GP for a referral. Recently diagnosed here and to say it’s been life changing is an understatement. I’ve accepted myself wholly now, and my mindset has completely changed. Long wait but so worth it.

You could be, but I do think that one can have autistic traits but not be at a level for diagnosis. Both my DCs could be, they both have disguised of anxiety but have never pursued an autism diagnosis (they’re young adults now). I used to think ds could be on the spectrum as a toddler/younger child. Then he ‘grew out’ of behaviours etc but is struggling now more than ever with his MH.
DD was always ‘quirky’, not great socially, but again, masked heavily and fell apart in the lockdowns. She gets help at uni so things are ok for now.
I also look at myself and I def have traits although I’d never meet the threshold.

I was in my fifties at this time. A friend of mine had recently been diagnosed and so much of what he said struck a chord with me and when I looked it up it really did feel familiar and so much of my childhood and early adult life made sense. I’ve no doubt it did affect me in the work place, but I was able to take voluntary early retirement at 58 so I no longer have that issue.

Some really sensible advice here! Just came on to add….

Imagination for creating imaginary worlds and having a very strong visual thinking style are frequently part of autism. Social imagination can be the area people with autism find more difficult ie imagining how someone else will think, feel react in a situation as opposed to how they themselves might feel. This can also extend to having difficulty imagining oneself in a new situation - if no picture for that is ‘on file’ it’s hard to consider, plan for, or decide how you feel about the new situation until you’re in it.

Most undiagnosed autistic adults have had plenty of inaccurate and hurtful labels in their lives already! Being bullied and having difficulties with school are common experiences, as are being told you are a daydreamer, uncooperative, lazy etc. An accurate descriptive label can be deeply liberating, explain the past and help plan for the future.

Therapy often fails quite simply because it barks up the wrong tree. Most psychotherapy training assumes neurotypicality in all clients regardless. People feel bewildered and even damaged by therapists who misinterpret their actions and thinking, and it is sadly common to have a diagnosis of a personality disorder in someone who is actually autistic (generally a woman). There is a growing number of autism-aware (and indeed, autistic) therapists out there, so take heart. Well-informed therapy works brilliantly for autistic people, but it has to accept and understand a different perceptual and thinking process.

Well you see when we get labels of neurodiversity it helps us understand how our brains work, and how they differ from a neurotypical person and how there's nothing wrong with us, we are just different
I'm very lucky I was diagnosed with my ND at 9. Its given me a lot of time to wrap my head around it and thrive with it

Yes, I that this has been discounted, particularly with regard to rethinking how females with ASD present. My dd is hugely imaginative.

It's not a lack of imagination it is a lack of social imagination. Completely different thing. My DC and myself are autistic and have great imaginations.

It is social imagination that those of us with ASD struggle with - working out what other people are feeling/thinking, not imagination in general. Myself my DS and DD are all very imaginative.

I'm watching the Christine McGuiness programme - its really good.

I need to fill in the forms and not worry about them being perfect. It woudl so help to know for sure.

I was convinced I'd filled the forms in "wrong" but I was just honest. Same with all of the other parts of the assessment. Just be true to yourself in what you write and say and the assessors will see what's there.

Its become such a huge scary thing and I'm not sure why. I left my daughters DLA forms for months and months too with e fear-of-starting thing going on and realised later how much actual money that was lost due to me not starting. GRrrrr.

@TheWonderfulThingAboutTiggers totally relate. I didn't apply for child benefit for my youngest for a year because the thought of it was too much. I did loads of other, complex things in that time, but not that one thing. It makes no sense but that's the way I'm wired!

I'm like this too. All my own things overwhelm me so much. I do loads to help others but not myself.

Autism is not a fucking label.

Autism is not a fucking label
There are plenty of people who like to post a thread that goes..."I did/said this awful thing oh and btw I am autistic so I can't tell if I'm in the wrong"

Not a label maybe, but people will always want to put a 'label' to behaviours in a way that minimises.

I also think most adults can fit themselves into whatever box they feel might solve their issues or excuse/justify/explain. They Dr Google until they are sure that explains their life/issue/behaviour 🤷‍♀️

Lol. What a load of shit.

Yes, autistic people often don't see what they did wrong as it does not come naturally to them, there are also plenty of those posts where they have done nothing wrong and someone is just trying to scapegoat them.

Getting a 'label' does not minimise behaviours, it gives a name to them and actually helps to prevent unhelpful ones as they now know WHY it is happening. 'Labelling' or diagnosing as it is more commonly known, helps us to identify anything from neurodivergence to cancer and speeds up understanding and possible treatment, it's not there to make excuses.

Yes, adults COULD fit themselves into whatever box explains away their bad behaviour, but most people do not do this. Self awareness and self discovery is not about making excuses not to change, it's about finding out the whys so you can improve.

I think your post says a lot more about you than it does about anyone else. You may as well have just used the lazy Daily Mail line of 'it's just an excuse for bad behaviour'!